The breakup of a family can be challenging for children and have an enduring impact on their emotional health. But as Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll explains with clarity and compassion in this powerful book, parents can dramatically change these effects-and positively shape their child's future. The key is proven, emotionally intelligent parenting strategies that promote children's resilience and their ability to lead successful, satisfying lives.
A leading psychologist and expert with more than three decades of experience, Dr. Pedro-Carroll has helped thousands of families navigate divorce and its aftermath. Backed by the latest research, she shares practical advice that helps parents:
Decode the hidden emotions behind the words and behaviors children use-and soothe their secret fears
Create parenting strategies that balance boundless love with clear limits and strengthen relationships with children
Reduce conflict, promote their own well-being, and protect children from the toxic effects of ongoing hostility
Develop flexible, responsive, and cooperative parenting plans that put the needs of children first
Successfully navigate transitions in remarried families
Filled with the honest and insightful voices and drawings of children, as well as inspiring stories of families, Putting Children First delivers a positive message full of hope and healing.
|Publisher:||Penguin Publishing Group|
|Product dimensions:||5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.10(d)|
|Age Range:||18 Years|
About the Author
JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, is a clinical psychologist, researcher, consultant, and therapist. For twenty-five years, she was a senior researcher at the University of Rochester’s Children’s Institute and a member of the psychology and clinical psychiatry faculties. Dr. Pedro-Carroll founded and directed the Children of Divorce Intervention Program, and her work has earned numerous awards. Dr. Pedro-Carroll is an adviser to the Sesame Street Resilience Project’s Little Children, Big Challenges: Divorce and Separation. She has been married for thirty years, and is the mother of seven children and stepchildren.
Table of Contents
To Begin ... 1
1 "My Divorce": What Children Say and What They Mean 13
2 Risk and Resilience: The Potential Impact of Divorce over Time 47
3 Telling the Children and Preparing Them for Changes 73
4 Parenting Plans: Positive Approaches to Difficult Decisions 119
5 Taking Control of Conflict and Taking Care of Yourself 169
6 Building Children's Resilience Skills 211
7 Emotionally Intelligent Parenting Before, During, and After Divorce 248
8 New Relationships, Dating, and Remarriage: How the Children See Them 278
9 Life After Divorce: Real Possibilities for Succes 304
What People are Saying About This
"I am proud to recommend Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll's new book, Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce. It is very readable, but incorporates a vast amount of research as well as the author's own extensive clinical experience. Today, when so many children suffer the problems created by their parent's divorce, parents and the professionals who work with them during the transitions relating to divorce will find this book a great guide to helping their children cope more successfully."
-Robert J. Haggerty, M.D. former president of The W. T. Grant Foundation and The American Academy of Pediatrics
"Putting Children First provides an abundance of useful information for parents who are divorced, thinking about divorce, or in the process of divorcing. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is a highly respected psychologist, researcher, and developer of programs for children. She draws on scientific research as well as her own clinical experience to provide clear guidelines for parents based on the best available evidence about what works. I strongly recommend this book to parents as well as mental health and legal professionals who work with children from divorced families."
-Paul R. Amato, Arnold and Bette Hoffman Professor of Family Sociology and Demography, Pennsylvania State University
"This book provides tremendously valuable insight and information about a child's thoughts and feelings and practical advice to parents, counselors and therapists dealing with the trauma accompanying divorce proceedings. Dr. Pedro- Carroll describes the fears and concerns of children and clearly articulates a sensitive way for parents to approach these issues so that families can move forward with their lives in a healthy way."
-Judge Sondra Miller, Director, NYS Unified Court System Office of Matrimonial and Family Law, and former Justice, Appellate Division of the NYS Supreme Court.
"By listening to children and combining a quarter-century of experience with the results of extensive research, Dr. Pedro-Carroll shares invaluable insights into the thoughts and feelings of children who experience what they often call "my divorce."...The guidance offered by this book is unique because it is based on an exceptional knowledge of what goes on in the minds of children and because of the blended sensitivity and pragmatism of the author."
-Lawrence F. Nazarian, MD, Clinical Professor of Pediatrics, University of Rochester School of Medicine & Dentistry
"I have known JoAnne Pedro-Carroll personally and professionally for over 20 years. She clearly is one of the country's top divorce experts. She stands alone in her combination of ground breaking research, keen clinical insights, and unmatched sensitivity to children's struggles through divorce. Her reputation alone will garner great interest in the book. Her knowledge and emotional understanding will surely keep this book on the shelves of divorced parents, therapists, lawyers, and bookstores for years to come."
-Robert E. Emery, Professor of Psychology
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Putting Children First is a must-have resource for separating or divorcing parents as well as for professionals who touch the lives of families in transition, such as mediators, counselors, attorneys and mental health professionals. Dr. Pedro-Carroll combines her clinical experience working with children and families and the most current research with her own experience as a parent and step-parent to provide proven strategies to help parents help their children through the stress of divorce. I particularly valued the insights about the thoughts and feelings children experience (often not shared with parents) and the ways in which parents can approach these issues to help their children thrive. This book includes specific suggestions, and even sample scripts, to help parents prepare themselves to prepare their children for anticipated changes in the family. The child-focused parenting plan options will be especially helpful for parents who are able to work together to define a plan for the family in its new form. As a parent who has experienced a divorce, and as a family mediator and Collaborative professional, I am grateful for this easy to read, practical, research-based guide. Beth Danehy, MA, Mediator and Professional in Collaborative Law
I suggest Putting Children First to every parent I see who is going through a divorce or contemplating divorce. While there are many divorce books focused on children, what sets this one above the rest is the meticulous application of up to date research on the effects of divorce on children. Dr. Pedro-Carroll provides much insight into what it is like for a child whose parents are divorcing, which is based on her many years of experience working with children of divorce. What is most helpful are Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s realistic and clear strategies to help parents keep the conflict between them low, and be able to focus on taking the best care of their children that they can, while also remembering to care for themselves. I would highly recommend this as a must read for all mental health professionals and attorneys working in the divorce field. This book should be read by every parent contemplating divorce or beginning the divorce process to help remind them of the crucial need to keep focused on the child during this very emotional and trying time. Robin Shiffrin, M.S. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
This is an outstanding book! I normally hate self-help books -- they always seem patronizing and offer nothing more than bland "pearls of wisdom" that are useless in the real world -- but this one was different! It was recommended to me by a friend and I found it helpful in so many ways! It has made all the difference not just in my approach but what I see in my kids. I would recommend it to anyone with kids who is divorcing (or even considering divorce).
Dr. Pedro-Carroll has given us a valuable resource for resolving family conflict successfully. When we hear our children's voices, parental decision making comes into focus. Effective problem solving considers what is best for Mom and Dad AND the children. This is a beautifully written and heartfelt compendium of research and practical advice. I am a collaborative divorce lawyer and my colleagues and I have this book on our shelves to share with clients going through separation and divorce. David R. Murch, Esq.
Putting Children First is a recipient of the prestigious Mom's Choice Award. The Mom's Choice Awards honors excellence in family-friendly media, products and services. An esteemed panel of judges includes education, media and other experts as well as parents, children, librarians, performing artists, producers, medical and business professionals, authors, scientists and others. A sampling of the panel members includes: Dr. Twila C. Liggett, ten-time Emmy-winner, professor and founder of PBS's Reading Rainbow; Julie Aigner-Clark, Creator of Baby Einstein and The Safe Side Project; Jodee Blanco, and New York Times best-selling Author; LeAnn Thieman, motivational speaker and coauthor of seven Chicken Soup For The Soul books. . Parents and educators look for the Mom's Choice Awards seal in selecting quality materials and products for children and families.
This is an essential resource for families in transition, and for those not necessarily separating but having communication and consistency troubles.
Dr. Pedro-Carroll’s approach is so perceptive and commonsensical that reading this book will help you identify and deal with the feelings that interfere with your day to day challenges with your spouse and children. “Putting Children First, Proven Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce” is a valuable resource for any family with children---even if you’re just thinking of separation or divorce. There are so many intimate details of every imaginable scenario of personal and family conflicts. It will be hard not to identify with those real-life (anonymous) examples to find workable suggestions for becoming stronger and more positive yourself. This book is a reliable and constant resource, kind of like having a therapist always at your side.