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The Real Me: Being the Girl God Sees

The Real Me: Being the Girl God Sees

4.6 12
by Natalie Grant

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Teenage girls and soccer moms. Housewives and corporate executives. Young professionals and those who are retired. No matter their professions or responsibilities, women of all ages and all walks of life often struggle with an all-consuming issue-self-image. We as Americans are continually obsessed with the grass-is-greener, anything-else-is-better-than-what


Teenage girls and soccer moms. Housewives and corporate executives. Young professionals and those who are retired. No matter their professions or responsibilities, women of all ages and all walks of life often struggle with an all-consuming issue-self-image. We as Americans are continually obsessed with the grass-is-greener, anything-else-is-better-than-what -we-have philosophy. And that is never truer for women than when it comes to our bodies and our self-images. The media and the world around us tell us that we should be perfect in every way. But this kind of scrutiny and obsession with perfection leaves women feeling unloved, unattractive, frustrated, and even depressed.

In The Real Me, contemporary Christian singer and songwriter Natalie Grant is on a mission to especially help young women deal with this struggle and to find acceptance in how God created them. And this struggle is something that Natalie understands fully-she gives the reader an inside look at her own struggle with image issues that led her on the path to bulimia. In acknowledging her pain and sharing her struggle, she offers practical help and hope to women of all ages.

Product Details

Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date:
Product dimensions:
5.02(w) x 7.70(h) x 0.48(d)

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Being the Girl Good Sees
By Natalie Grant

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2007 Natalie Grant
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-8499-0882-8

Chapter One

Divine Awakening

Foolish heart, Looks like we're here again. Same old game of plastic smile- Don't let anybody in.

Something was wrong. This had never happened before. I was completely repulsed by the smell. Typically, throwing up was exhilarating. Purging was a natural high. Whenever I did it, I felt in control. But today was different. Why?

I had gone through my normal routine: Make sure no one in my family is anywhere near the bathroom-check. Faucet turned on to hide the retching noise-check. Toilet paper tucked around the collar of my shirt and sleeves to avoid the splash-check. With everything taken care of, I began the process of becoming "clean" again.

I must get rid of the food. ALL of it.

If you've never struggled with an eating disorder, this probably sounds totally bizarre to you. On the other hand, if you're locked in a several-times-a-day purging ritual, as I was, it all sounds painfully familiar, doesn't it?

As strange as it is, I actually enjoyed heaving, that gagging reflex that came right before I regurgitated. I don't know why I liked it so much. There is nothing pleasant about vomiting; still, the feeling was strangely comforting. I would usually gag a few times before the food came up. And knowing that once would never fully do the trick, I would put my finger down my throat for a second round and a third and so on until I felt completely emptied out. I was always fearful that I might not get rid of everything I had eaten.

But this time, after just one heave, I was disgusted by the stench and the appearance of my vomit. Normally (like there's anything normal about this behavior), I would close my eyes, thinking that if I couldn't see it, it was somehow less real. Maybe I was trying to pretend someone else was retching into the commode, not me. But on that day, I was so repelled by the pungent smell, I opened my eyes and stared into the toilet.

Suddenly I felt as though a huge spotlight had focused right on me, and I was seeing myself as an outsider would.

How did I get here? my mind seemed to ask. How could I end up like this, hovering over the toilet, knees numb to the pain of kneeling on a cold, hard tile floor?

The shame and humiliation I felt in that moment rose up from my heart into my throat, imagining what others would think if they could see me now. I'd always tried so hard to be the perfect girl. The life of the party. The leader. The person everyone else came to with his or her problems.

But I had a problem too, a huge, painful secret, and I couldn't hide it-or hide from it-any longer.

Vogue on the Outside, Vague on the Inside

I wish I could tell you in vivid detail what snapped in me that day. But to be perfectly honest, I don't know. It was a typical day. By all outward appearances, I was a happy, well-adjusted overachiever. But bulimia had become a way of life for me. I had become the queen of disguise, so much so that I had begun believing my own act.

What I called my "churchianity" was better than ever, Oscar-worthy, even. I could quote lots of Scripture verses to prove my Christian maturity. Everyone thought I was so spiritual, so perfect; but I wasn't. Somehow the twelve-inch span from my head to my heart had become the Grand Canyon, and there seemed to be no way to bridge the gap. I felt lost. I had been so busy being who everyone thought I was that I no longer had a sense of being real. And because I knew I was being dishonest, living a lie, I felt worthless. Everyone thought I was so brave, but I wasn't. I believed that if my family and friends knew the real me, they would be ashamed. They would despise me.

The truth was, I despised myself.

I desperately wanted to be accepted. I cared so intensely about what other people thought of me that pleasing everyone became my focal point, the driving force behind everything I did. The pressure was overwhelming and constant. Totally vogue on the outside but completely vague on the inside: that was me.

Having successfully fooled everyone around me into believing my mythical life of perfection, I never considered the cost of maintaining the charade.

Now, don't get me wrong. I knew Jesus loved me, and I believed it wholeheartedly. At least I thought I did.

I didn't suffer from the Jesus-could-never-love-somebody-as-pitiful-as-me syndrome. At least I thought I didn't.

Jesus became my Savior when I was a little girl, but I don't think I ever allowed him to become my Lord. A lord is the master, someone who has complete power, control, and authority.

Problem was, I was the lord of my life.


The Weight of Perfection

There are always people we secretly wish we could be or at least be like. We're certain our life would be better if we had their, well, fill in the blank: _________________________.

Jessica is one of those girls, the kind of striking standout who not only seems to have it all but also has it all together. She's a blonde, blue-eyed beauty, five feet six inches tall, who wears a size 2 and is superintelligent and artistically talented. She is also one of the leaders in her high school and has two wonderful parents and a sister who love her dearly.

So she's living happily ever after, right?

Sure she is-until you look deeper.

Although Jessica would probably admit that she's generally a happy person who is truly grateful for the blessings in her life, when asked what has been the hardest thing about being a teenage girl she doesn't hesitate a second.

"The weight issue," she replies. "This year has changed so much for me. I don't know if it's because I've got more responsibility, but I've just started to worry about things more-especially my weight. I don't skip meals too frequently, but sometimes I do because I'm so busy. I never look at calories, but there've been a couple of times when I've just eaten something and felt disgusting. And then I've thrown it up."

Her mother doesn't believe in having scales in the house, but Jessica still manages to keep a close eye on her weight by weighing herself at other homes during her frequent babysitting jobs. She says her concern about her weight, her body, and what she's eating is a continual source of noise in her head, which, she admits, is probably why she's made herself throw up.

But are her issues with food rooted completely in wanting to look a certain way?

"I don't feel like I'm overweight by a lot," she confesses, "but I feel like I could lose some weight. I guess if I had the right mind-set I wouldn't worry about the way I look. Part of it isn't even a weight issue. Sometimes I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed with stuff that the eating part of my life is the only thing I can grasp and control. Take grades, for instance. I can study really hard and not make a good grade, and I can't control that. Sometimes [monitoring my weight] feels like making sure that I have control of myself and my life."

Who's It Gonna Be? You or Me?

That day in the bathroom, a divine intervention began for me in the unlikeliest of places-as I lay curled around the base of the toilet. Suddenly I knew for certain I could no longer continue to live the way I was living. Bulimia was not the abundant life God intended me to live. I finally understood that I was trapped in a prison of my own making, and I knew Jesus was the only One who could set me free.

As I picked myself up off the floor, I remembered that God had promised he would make "all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28 NKJV), but I couldn't imagine what purpose he could create out of my pain. I was weak and confused, but hope had awakened inside me, and I wasn't turning back. That day, on the hard, cold floor, God made me wonderfully uncomfortable, beautifully tortured by the chaos of my condition. I had no idea who I was anymore, but on that day, with God's help, I set out in search of the real me.

But you see the real me Hiding in my skin Broken from within.

The Real You

Is there a secret in your life, something you've held on to for a long time, hoping nobody sees it? Something so painful, so far down in your heart, that you dare not even speak of it? If so, there's something you should know: you're not alone. I know you might not believe it now, but maybe soon you will. In the meantime, can you muster up enough courage to personalize those words and write "I'm not alone" in the space below?

Are You Ready for a Divine Awakening?

My poor self-esteem reared its ugly head as an eating disorder. What consequences are you struggling with as a result of a poor self-image? Do you have secrets that make you feel worthless? In your effort to exert control, are you inflicting damage on yourself physically or emotionally? If so, you're probably overdue for a moment of divine intervention. Please open your heart and your mind to God's presence and pray this prayer: "God, wake up my mind to the truth of who I am, who you created me to be, and to the truth of who you are. Gather the feelings and emotions in my head and give me the courage to be honest about myself. And most of all, give me faith to believe what you have to teach me as I study your Word and read Natalie's book. I want a divine awakening, Lord. I need to know you're here with me. Amen."

Be receptive to God's love for you, his gift of peace-watch for it, expect it-even in the unlikeliest places. He surrounded me with his comforting love and acceptance as I lay curled around the toilet on the floor of a bathroom. Where will you be when you finally give in to his extraordinary, healing grace?

Just Like You: Young Women Who Touched the World

Amelia Earhart: Courage Is the Price

When twenty-year-old Amelia Earhart attended a stunt-flying exhibition, a plane swooped overhead, and she was enthralled. "I did not understand it at the time," she said later, "but I believe that little red airplane said something to me as it swished by."

In December 1920, when she experienced her first airplane ride, Amelia knew she had to fly. Becoming an aviator was no easy feat for a woman during that era, but Amelia was no stranger to obstacles. She was the child of an alcoholic whose drinking often cost him his job, so Amelia and her family moved around a lot, and Amelia and her sister attended many different schools. Still, Amelia worked hard and excelled academically, and that determination helped her become a successful aviator.

By 1921, Amelia Earhart had saved up enough money to take flying lessons, and soon after she learned to fly she bought her own plane, which she called The Canary. In that plane she set a women's flying record by soaring to an altitude of fourteen thousand feet. She continued to set records throughout the rest of her aviation career and became a celebrity for being the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean in 1928. Although she presumably died (her body was never found) while trying to fly around the world in 1937, her feats are still celebrated as a part of American history.

It was the courage of Amelia Earhart that endeared her to so many. From the time she was a young girl, she took risks despite being afraid. She lived in a world where women often were told no when they wanted to try the things men could do. To this response-and to all of us today-she said, "Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others."

Now thousands of women, following in the footsteps of this tomboy who was determined to fly, sit in the cockpits of commercial, military, and privately owned aircraft all over the world. Like Amelia Earhart, they have chosen to face their fears and take the risks necessary to achieve their goals, and today they are a living legacy of the woman who listened to her heart and said, "Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."

God says, "Let Me ..."

Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, you're true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but Lose yourself? (Matthew 16:24-26 MSG)


Excerpted from the REAL ME by Natalie Grant Copyright © 2007 by Natalie Grant. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Since her 2005 breakout RIAA Gold certified album Awaken, multi-Grammy nominated artist Natalie Grant has remained one of the top-selling Christian and Gospel artists with over 3 million in sales. The Gospel Music Association has named her the Female Vocalist of the Year five times, and she has had multiple songs and albums on the Billboard charts. More important than accolades, her passion is to help people across the globe discover their God-given calling and encourage them to live it out to the fullest potential. An outspoken advocate for victims of human trafficking, Grant cofounded Hope for Justice International a multinational organization that rescues and provides complete restorative care for victims of trafficking. Grant makes her home in Nashville, with her husband producer, and songwriter, Bernie Herms, and their three children: twins Grace and Bella and their youngest, Sadie. Follow Natalie at www.nataliegrant.com

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Real Me: Being the Girl God Sees 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 12 reviews.
BMontgomery More than 1 year ago
This is the BEST book I've read in my entire life! HANDS DOWN. It's short, but it packs a lot of truth. I must admit, I was very skeptical of this book since it was based on Natalie Grant's battle with an eating disorder. I don't have an eating disorder, so why would I want to read about an eating disorder? But once I turned the first page, I was captivated. I stayed up late, losing sleep to read two more chapters each night, which usually ended up being three or four chapters instead of two. I felt like my favorite show just had a cliffhanger season finale when I bookmarked my place every night. (Yes, it was THAT good.) Every female (teenager, young adult, even 40-50 somethings) should read this book. God loves us whether we are skinny or fat, tall or short, blonde or brunette, freckle-faced or even-toned, and even ghost white (ME!) or a tanned beauty. He created each one of us in HIS OWN IMAGE. We should love ourselves for who we are inside, not for what the world tells us we should look like on the outside. Intrigued? Go buy this book, NOW! Natalie did an outstanding job with this book! I promise...you won't regret it! :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Foolish heart looks like we're here again, same old game of plastic smile, dont let anybody in, hiding my heartache, will this glass house break, how much will they take before i'm empty, do I let it show, does anybody know? ---------------chorus-------------------------------------------------- But you see the real me, hiding in my skin, broken from within, unveil me completely, i'm loosening my grasp, there's no need to mask my frailty, cause you see the real me. Painted on, life is behind a mask, self-inflicted circus clown, i'm tired of the song and dance, living a parade, what a mess i've made of my existance, but you love me even now, and still I see somehow. But you see the real me, hiding in my skin, broken from within, unveil me completely, i'm loosening my grasp, there's no need to mask my frailty, cause you see the real me. Wonderful, beautiful is what you see, when you look at me, you're turning the tattered fabric of my life into a perfect tapestry, I just wanna be me. But you see the real me, hiding in my skin, broken from within, unveil me compleley me competely, i'm loosening my grasp, there's no need to mask my frailty, cause you see the real me. And you love me just as I am. Wonderful, beautiful is what you see, when you look at me. Song by: Natalie Grant
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Beats is Andrew. Midnight is Alexandra(Lexi). But theyre not hete.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
She is christian singer and has lots of albums out. She struggled with all the matters she talks about in the book. I read the sample and plan on buying the book soon. But it is far from ok it is enciuraging
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Very very pretty voice.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
The real me: being the girl god sees is a wonderful book on how to except and love yourself for who you are. This book is ideal for all ages over 12. Natalie Grant does a wonderful job with her writing, and can make things understandable. Go read this book! It's the best book EVER!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This wonderful book by Natalie Grant about her life struggles with eating disorders,self eseem, and body image issues was outstanding. Not only was it a biography of what she's gone through, but it was encouraging and uplifting to me, the reader, through the inspirational quotes and stories of others. Having others' stories and struggles accompanying hers helped remind me that it's not uncommon to have internal battles with ones self. I really enjoyed this book. GO READ THE REAL ME BY NATALIE GRANT!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
this book is wondeful for teenage girls to be reading...this book has touched me in a waii where now i am involved the lord savior ....girls please get this book and read it its awsome