Sh*t My Dad Says

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty—eight—year—old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy—three—year—old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how t...