Special Topics in Being a Human: A Queer and Tender Guide to Things I've Learned the Hard Way about Caring for People, Including Myself

by S. Bear Bergman, Saul Freedman-Lawson (Illustrator)

Overview

As an author, educator, and public speaker, S. Bear Bergman has documented his experience as, among other things, a trans parent, with wit and aplomb. He also writes the advice column “Ask Bear,” in which he answers crucial questions about how best to make our collective way through the world.

Featuring disarming illustrations by Saul Freedman-Lawson, Special Topics in Being a Human elaborates on “Asking Bear”’s premise: a gentle, witty, and insightful book of practical advice for the modern age. It offers Dad advice and Jewish bubbe wisdom, all filtered through a queer lens, to help you navigate some of the complexities of life—from how to make big decisions or make a good apology, to how to get someone’s new name and pronouns right as quickly as possible, to how to gracefully navigate a breakup. With warmth and candor, Special Topics in Being a Human calls out social inequities and injustices in traditional advice-giving, validates your feelings, asks a lot of questions, and tries to help you be your best possible self with kindness, compassion, and humor.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781551528540
Publisher:	Arsenal Pulp Press, Limited
Publication date:	10/12/2021
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	6.90(w) x 9.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

S. Bear Bergman is a writer, storyteller, activist, and the founder and publisher of the book press Flamingo Rampant, which makes feminist, culturally diverse children’s picture books about LGBT2Q+ kids and families. He writes creative non-fiction for grown-ups, fiction for children, resolutely factual features for various publications, and the advice column “Asking Bear.” His books include The Nearest Exit May Be Behind Us and Blood, Marriage, Wine & Glitter, and he was the co-editor along with Kate Bornstein of Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation.

Saul Freedman-Lawson is an illustrator, student, zine-maker, babysitter, and educator. He makes art about queerness, transness, Judaism, and childhood. His comic Naturally is forthcoming from Old Growth Press. He likes to draw excitingly gendered people with big noses. This is his first full-length book.

Table of Contents

Introduction 9

1 How to Make Big Decisions in a Way That Matches Your Values 13

2 How to Tell People Things They Very Probably Won't Be Happy to Hear, at Least at First 33

3 How to Keep Firmly and Everlastingly in Mind That Doing Nothing Isn't Neutral 47

4 How to Give the Kind of Help That Helping's All About (and Not the Kind We All Can Do Without) 54

5 How to Avoid Getting Your Upset All Over Other People When You Feel Out of Control 71

6 How to Love Someone with Your Words, Actions, and Priorities (in Addition to Your Feelings, Which I'm Sure Are Very Nice) 84

7 How to Apologize (Properly, Not like a Republican Congressman) 96

8 How to Have a Disagreement, or Even an Argument, without Having a Fight 112

9 How to Be Reasonably Graceful When a Relationship Has Ended, Even If You Feel Wretched 128

10 How to Take Criticism (and How to Tell What's Criticism and What's Just a Pointless insult) 142

11 How to Take a Compliment Sometimes (No One Is Reading Your Diary; We All Struggle with This) 153

12 How to Get Someone's New Name and/or Pronouns Right, Every Time, Sooner Than You Think 159

13 How to Increase a Sense of Safety for Women and Other People with Marginalized Genders Whom You Encounter in Daily Life 176

14 How to Be Bad at Things but Do Them Anyway 197

15 How to Be a Useful Ally or Co-Resister to Actual People Whom You Support 212

16 How to Keep Going When You Just Want More Than Anything to Stop, for G-d's Sake 224

17 How to Be Yourself 244

Acknowledgments 269

Editorial Reviews

"Sweet, soulful, and deeply humane. Bear at his best." —Alison Bechdel, author of Fun Home

"I've been receiving nothing but good life advice from S. Bear Bergman for just about thirty years now. With this book on your shelf, so can you. At every crossroad in your life, you’ll have loving guidance from a smart, kind big brother, a fun and funny uncle, and a best-ever daddy." —Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw

"S. Bear Bergman is the fantastic gay uncle you always wished you had, ready and able to help steer you - with gentle pragmatism and good humor - toward being a better, kinder, more compassionate and thoughtful human being. Heaven knows we could all use it." —Hanne Blank, author of Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality

From the Publisher