In a world full of caring adults, how is it that we keep missing the cries of hurting kids?
“Today, when the bell rings, kids might leave their school campus, but they can never escape the other world, a world where mockers and intimidators thrive. Ironically, they carry a gateway to that world right in their pockets, because they see that world as an avenue of escape. . .but in reality, it’s putting them in bondage." --Jonathan McKee
With chapters including:
The Escape Key
Why Didn’t You Say Anything?
Meet the Principal
An expert on youth and youth culture, McKee shares his own heart-rending story and offers a sobering glimpse into the rapidly changing world of bullies, bystanders, and the bullied while providing helpful ways to connect with these kids, open doors of dialogue, and give them the encouragement they need and the validation they're searching for. . .too often in all the wrong places.
The Bullying Breakthrough promises real-world help for dealing with today’s bullying culture.
|Publisher:||Barbour Publishing, Incorporated|
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About the Author
Jonathan McKee is an expert on youth culture and the author of more than twenty books, including If I Had a Parenting Do Over; 52 Ways to Connect with Your Smartphone-Obsessed Kid; The Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide for Teenagers; and The Guy’s Guide to God, Girls, and the Phone in Your Pocket. He has over twenty years of youth-ministry experience and speaks to parents and leaders worldwide. For more from Jonathan, go to TheSource4Parents.com or follow him on Twitter.com/InJonathansHead.
Read an Excerpt
VIEW FROM THE EDGE
They don't know
Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
We've all heard it. We all had teachers who reiterated it.
"... words will never hurt me."
Nothing could be further from the truth. I probably don't even need to give you thirteen reasons why.
Anyone who has been mocked or victimized will tell you nothing is more crushing or more demoralizing. Speaking completely candidly, I'd rather get beaten senseless than become the victim of public humiliation — because sadly, I've been there.
That's the intriguing thing about bullying. I've read countless articles and studies, heard theories from well-known psychologists. I've attended assemblies and conferences about bullying ... almost always by someone who hasn't been bullied.
They don't know.
They really don't.
* * *
I grew up five minutes from the American River Parkway, a beautiful recreation area where the American River glides 120 miles from the Sierra Nevada Mountains down to the Sacramento River. One of the trails we took as kids would bring us to the edge of a cliff 120 feet high overlooking the north side of the river. Sacramento residents call it "The Bluffs." A romantic lookout for many, but for me, a location where I would contemplate taking my own life.
When I was sixteen years old I stood at the edge of that cliff staring down at the rocks below.
I can't tell you what was unique about this particular day. I honestly had experienced hundreds of days like this, especially years prior in middle school, being mocked, pushed around, and demoralized while my classmates looked on with laughter or passive approval.
I don't blame them. You had only three choices: laugh, ignore, or say something. Those who spoke up would only be next ... so everyone chose either laughter or silence. Literally everyone.
No one ever spoke up.
I probably couldn't have put words to what I was feeling standing on that ledge: loneliness, hurt ... a longing for someone who understood? Most of the people in my life didn't even know what went on at my school every day. It's not their fault; I never really shared the experiences. If I did, I most likely wouldn't have even used the word bullying, because in my mind bullying was a big kid cornering a little kid and stealing his lunch money. My aggressors weren't big kids. They weren't even all male. My aggressors came in all shapes and sizes. But what I was experiencing was actually textbook bullying.
NO ONE EVER SPOKE UP.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines bullying as "any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths who are not siblings or current dating partners that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated."
"Perceived power imbalance" — a good word choice. Kids don't have a positive concept of "self," so they try to make themselves feel better by hurling verbal onslaughts at others. That's an accurate description of what my peers did to me each day. I was an easy target, so I became a stepping-stone others used to raise themselves up so they could feel more powerful.
"Repeated multiple times"— also accurate. For me it was daily in middle school, at least weekly in high school. Certain environments seemed to foster it more than others, none more so than PE class.
That particular day began with gym class, physical education, or PE as our school called it. PE is a cruel requirement for nonathletes, something the physically fit will never understand. PE is where the weak get intimidated by the strong. PE is where small boys get hung by their underwear or slapped in the back of the legs while bystanders laugh hysterically.
That morning in PE a popular kid had said something cruel. I don't remember the exact exchange, but knowing me, I probably retaliated with a quick verbal jab. I had developed a quick wit over the years. I had plenty of experience defending myself.
But this kid wasn't going to tolerate any banter. He hit me hard in the jaw. I can still hear the cackles from the crowd and feel the stares of those who quickly circled around. Funny, I don't recall the physical pain of the hit.
More words were exchanged. I had two choices: fight or back down. I chose to back down.
Names were called — cruel names that are difficult even to put into print.
I was neither, but it didn't matter.
Threats were made. "You'd better watch your back!"
He meant it. And he was right. This altercation had triggered a social seismic shift, and there were aftershocks. You see, once someone is publicly humiliated, the victim bears an invisible KICK ME sign on his back. For the rest of the day I endured shoves, jeers, and cruel whispers from kids I had never even met. Other kids with low self-esteem jumped on the opportunity to step up a notch on the social ladder by lowering someone else a rung.
ONCE SOMEONE IS PUBLICLY HUMILIATED, THE VICTIM BEARS AN INVISIBLE "KICK ME" SIGN ON HIS BACK.
I don't know why this particular day pushed me over the tipping point, since I had experienced many other days like it. Regardless, six hours after the original jab, I stood at the edge of the cliff looking down at the rocks.
Should I jump?
I wanted to jump. I really wanted to, honestly, for selfish reasons.
I'll show them.
They'll regret everything they ever said!
Something happens to kids when they are repeatedly mocked and pushed around publicly. It changes them. It happened to my dad, and it happened to me. But the hardest by far was to see it happen to my son, Alec.
When Alec was in fifth grade, we noticed a dramatic change in him over a period of just four weeks.
Our family had just moved across town, and we enrolled our three kids in a new school. The girls adjusted fine, but Alec immediately became a target of harassment. It happened daily. We saw it on his face the first day we picked him up. We asked him what happened.
"Some kids teased me," he said.
We did what most parents do. We told him not to worry about what other kids say.
See — I did it too. "Ignore it." It's a common parental response (so common I'm focusing my entire next chapter on it).
We were dead wrong.
My wife, Lori, and I watched a sweet, innocent, gregarious boy gradually chiseled down to a repressed, dejected little kid. Bitterness began to emerge. His posture literally changed. Previously he walked with confidence and a little bounce to his step. Just a few weeks later, his shoulders drooped and his head hung low, almost as if he was scared to look around.
It's sad to see what bullying does to a kid. My dad and I both eventually recognized it in Alec. He was emotionally broken. We knew it all too well — we both had been there.
My dad is five foot four as an adult. So as you can imagine, as a kid he was small — plus he was shy and a little on the pudgy side. It doesn't take too many times hearing the words "fat" or "midget" thrown at you to develop a complex about your weight and size.
Kids don't even need physical imperfections to be bullied, but if you have a major physical flaw, you're a prime target. My buck teeth provided plenty of ammo for everyone. I shudder even typing those words — buck teeth. It seemed as though not a day went by that I didn't hear them.
My baby teeth were fine. But when my permanent teeth came in ... wow! It's literally too much to describe; just flip the book over and take a peek at the picture on the back cover. Yeah, that's me in fourth grade.
I heard it every day.
"Hey, Bugs Bunny!"
"Hey, can opener!" (You gotta give creativity points to whoever came up with this insult.)
And I didn't just hear it from mockers — I heard it from little kids in the grocery store!
"Mommy, what's wrong with that kid's teeth?"
"Don't stare, honey."
You wouldn't believe the things I heard.
When people poked fun at me, I always hoped adults would intervene. But my confidence in adults quickly faded.
Most adults didn't notice the jesting and teasing. Some actually laughed. In fourth grade I was at a basketball camp when a group of kids cornered me, making fun of my teeth. I remember trying to retort; I don't recall what I had planned on saying, because I never finished my sentence. All I could manage was something like, "Oh yeah, well I can do something you can't ..."
MOST ADULTS DIDN'T NOTICE THE JESTING AND TEASING. SOME ACTUALLY LAUGHED.
And my coach quickly interjected, "Yeah! Chew through wood!"
Once an adult opens that door, it never shuts. No one at that camp called me by name again. I was "Beaver" or "Woody Woodchuck." (Isn't it nice when nicknames are memorable little tongue twisters that kids can all shout together?)
Those who haven't been mocked or teased might not understand the repercussions of nicknames like this. No, for me these labels were not just cute nicknames. They were a badge. Each name was a sign saying OPENSEASON, and I was an eight-point buck. For the rest of that week I was mocked, shoved, and threatened. Everyone knew it was socially acceptable to demoralize Woody Woodchuck.
"Hey, Woody, why don't you chuck this wood!" So when my son was being bullied, I knew what he was experiencing.
When I talked with the principal, I provided her with specifics. After all, it wasn't just boys who were picking on Alec. A girl in his class had just turned around in her chair the day prior, leaned on his desk, and said, "Wow, you are the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Your mom must wonder, Why is my kid so ugly?"
I shared this incident with the principal. She didn't seem to process it. I wish I would have had a hidden video camera in her office. She didn't address any of the specifics I shared; instead she bragged, "Our school doesn't tolerate any bullying."
She actually showed me a banner hanging in the cafeteria: OUR SCHOOL IS BULLY-FREE, THE WAY IT'S MEANT TO BE.
These Bully-Free signs and banners are becoming even more common in schools across the country today. Google it. You can buy them all over the web, "to send a positive message and inspire students to think before they act."
I'd love to see that data and hear those testimonies: "There I was, about to knock the books out of Eugene's hands ... but then I looked up and saw a poster ..."
My son, Alec, and I still talk about that useless banner to this day.
Alec got to the point where some kids started pushing him and slapping the back of his neck. It was so hard for Lori and me to hear the terrible accounts day after day. Finally I told Alec, "You don't have to take that. You can stand up for yourself."
Alec looked up at me with his big blue eyes, his lip quivering, and said, "I don't want to get into trouble."
I told him, "You won't get in trouble from me!" Maybe that was just another victim talking. I don't even know if it was good advice. Lori questioned my reasoning. "Are you sure that's what he should do? Or is that just someone who was bullied as a kid talking?"
It was a fair question.
Fight or flight. Those are the two natural responses to confrontation. We decided to encourage him to seek "flight." In fact, we switched schools. He got plugged in with a group of really creative kids — like him — at his new school and at church. But we also enrolled him in martial arts to try to boost his confidence.
Some of Alec's scars slowly began to heal. That is ... until the first week of middle school when some kids started pushing him around.
I'll give you one guess as to where this happened ...
During PE as Alec ran around the track, two boys would stop him and tell him, "You can't pass." Of course, the teacher was nowhere to be found.
Note to teachers and administrators: It's hard to be "bully-free, the way it's meant to be" like your banner says when gym class is a free-for-all for big kids. (Don't even get me started on "picking teams." I still have dreams about standing there alone, the last one chosen.)
I didn't want to lose all the ground we had gained with Alec, so I asked him more about the situation. "Can you avoid these kids? Can you run somewhere else?"
It's always good to avoid the situation as best as possible. But the confrontation with these two bullies was unavoidable. Day after day they found Alec when the teacher wasn't around — which was a lot!
I looked Alec in the eye and told him, "Alec, if those kids push you or corner you, hit them in the nose as hard as you can, and don't stop swinging until someone pulls you off!"
Let me add a quick disclaimer here. I'm not advising you to defer to violence. In today's day of lawsuits, you'll probably get sued.
But I honestly didn't care.
They had poked Mama Bear ... er ... Papa Bear one too many times, and frankly I was ready to go down to the school and start tossing kids around. I was one straw short of grabbing the keys and telling Lori, "Call our lawyer — I'm going to be arrested in about thirty minutes!"
But my advice to Alec that day was to swing away.
Alec was shocked. "I thought I wasn't supposed to fight."
"Defending yourself is way different than fighting, Alec," I assured him. "If they bully you, you go Christmas Story on them!" "But Dad, I'll get suspended."
I leaned in close to my boy. "If you get suspended for defending yourself, Alec, I'll take the day off work and take you out for ice cream, and then we'll hang out and have fun all day. You won't get in trouble from me for defending yourself. You'll get rewarded."
I didn't know if I was giving Alec sound advice, but speaking candidly as a father, I'll confess that desperate situations sometimes generate desperate responses. At the time, I just wanted Alec to know that we were in his corner no matter what. And I hoped to provide him with the freedom to defend himself.
The next day when Lori brought Alec home from school, he looked apprehensive.
"What happened?" I asked.
Alec was looking down at the ground while he talked. "I got sent to the principal's office for fighting."
This might sound strange, but I was so proud of him! I smiled and gave him a big hug. "Sweet! Let's go for ice cream!"
Over ice cream, Alec told me the whole story. The kids stopped him on the track again and didn't let him pass. Alec tried to go around, but one of the kids pushed him. Alec swallowed hard and started swinging. He knew how to hit. He hit one guy to the ground and the other grabbed him. Alec somehow managed to get the other kid in a headlock and started punching him as well. The punching turned to rolling on the ground. Next thing he knew, all three of them found themselves in the principal's office.
The principal knew the other two kids by name; he didn't know Alec. Alec told him his story. The principal said, "I don't want to see you in here again. You can go." Then he kept the other two in his office.
Apparently a couple of Alec's hits landed pretty hard, because the next day one of those two kids came to school with a black eye.
Alec didn't have any more physical confrontations that year.
I wish I could tell you that Alec's remaining years were bully-free. They weren't. He joined wrestling the next year in middle school, and that really helped. But during his freshman year of high school, bullies actually sat in the hallway and threw pieces of muffins at certain kids, calling them names. Alec said it happened all the time, not just to him, but to numerous kids. He just tried his best to avoid those hallways.
So was it over?
The question Lori and I had was, would all these experiences have long-term effects? Or is the idiom true: "... but words will never hurt me"?
I had definitely experienced long-term effects, and apparently I'm not alone. Every time I interviewed an adult who had experienced severe bullying, I heard the same things.
"I'm still tentative in social situations."
"Whenever people are talking with each other at work, I can't help but wonder if they're talking about me."
"I am still dealing with what those experiences have done to me. Depression, suicidal thoughts ..." Words will never hurt me?
I've seen it hundreds of times in over two decades of youth ministry. Bullied kids are more socially tentative, sometimes skeptical of social situations, fearful of rejection. I've seen many of them become prejudiced toward certain social circles: jocks or popular kids.
This social trepidation often causes bullied kids to push others away. Even if other kids are nice or give them a chance, the bullied don't like to let others "in." They've been burned before.
I can relate. I did the same thing, even into my college years. My skepticism toward people sometimes resulted in bitterness and quarrelling. If you met anyone who attended college with me my freshman year, they'd probably describe me as tense, insecure, and easily aggravated.
The stereotypical bullied kid is often guarded, defensive, and, as a result, socially awkward.
Today the situation is only worsened by technology. Not just because kids are mocked on social media, but because technology offers socially awkward kids a place to escape social situations, which only cripples their social skills. Technology also provides a false sense of "friendship" with people who aren't always positive influences. It becomes a downward spiral.(Continues…)
Excerpted from "The Bullying Breakthrough"
Copyright © 2018 Jonathan McKee.
Excerpted by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Bullied, Bully, Bystander,
Chapter 1: View from the Edge They don't know,
Chapter 2: Just Ignore It Trees falling in the forest,
Chapter 3: Digital Hurt The ubiquity of cyberbullying,
Chapter 4: The Escape Key Three practices that help prevent cyberbullying,
Chapter 5: "Why Didn't You Say Anything?" Avoiding the rush to blame,
Chapter 6: I'm Right Here Three practices helping us notice and hear,
Chapter 7: The Bully In the minds of the bullies ... and how to actually help them,
Chapter 8: The Bystander The chapter you might want to read with your kids,
Chapter 9: The Bullied Spotting the warning signs,
Chapter 10: Real-World Solutions Ten tools to help bullied kids,
Chapter 11: Meet the Principal / Meet the Parents "Hello, my child is being bullied.",
Chapter 12: School Shootings Pushed beyond the tipping point,
Chapter 13: Locker Rooms and Hallways Seven tools that actually help schools,
Conclusion: "Thanks for Helping My Son",
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
This was a powerful read. Bullying has reached epidemic proportions. Parents, educators, youth pastors and those who care for youth see its effects almost daily. We see it on the news, know someone who has experienced it, or worse, watched our own children deal with it. This problem isn't going away. Why has it grown into such a big issue? Jonathan McKee shares his personal struggles with bullying, from being a child who was bullied to seeing his son suffer the same childhood experience. As a mom whose child has dealt with bullying at school, I was moved by the sincere way Jonathan dealt with such a hot topic. He has been there, both as the bullied and as a parent trying to help his child. He shares statistics, studies, real life application of possible long term solutions and personal experience to offer help and hope. He breaks down the groups to three different types: 1. The Bullied 2. The Bystander 3. The Bully. This is a helpful guide that explains what each motivation or issue is behind the problem facing them all-bullying. There are suggestions parents and kids can walk through together to deal with the issue head on and with support. I also appreciated the chapter devoted to helping teachers, social workers, administrators and school systems, with many easily reached goals for improvement. Having a written "anti-bullying" policy does nothing in our schools if there are no resources given to all three of the types of those dealing with this issue. We can't say one thing then do another. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is troubled by the plague of bullying. It's not what it was years ago..sadly, it's much worse. If finances allowed, I would gift one of these to every teacher in the school systems. It's that good. I read an advanced reader copy through #NetGalley and chose to review. All opinions are my own.
Stop the Bullying The Bullying Breakthrough by Jonathan McKee is a must read by every parent, teacher, counselor, school principals, and students. Jonathan does an excellent in defining what a bully is vs just being mean. He offers strategies to help recognize bullying behaviors as well as changes in individuals that may indicate they are being bullied. He also addresses the three component participants of bullying, the bully, the bullied, and the by-stander. Each chapter in the book is devoted to one aspect from recognition of bullying to strategies to help prevent it from occurring. He also covers school shootings and cyberbullying. I very well written and informative book. I received a copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
“The Bullying Breakthrough” packs a lot of information into a small book, making it a good resource that is easy to carry around. My only real complaint is that I thought there should be more of a Christian influence and viewpoint throughout the book; however, this does serve to make it applicable to a wide range of people regardless of religious affiliation or lack thereof. The subtitle defines the target audience as parents and teachers, and the focus is on children, but I felt that the principles put forth here could be generalized for adults as well. It seems that bullying is ubiquitous and that while we should certainly aim to eradicate it at schools, those bullies grow up and sometimes continue to exhibit bullying behavior. Society is becoming increasingly more intolerant, and much of this narrow-mindedness mirrors childhood bullying, just at an “adult” level. As someone who was bullied as a kid and whose son was bullied, Jonathan McKee is uniquely positioned to offer insight into the issue. He aptly notes that “[p]ain seems to be the common denominator all around. Bullied, bully, bystander…hurt isn’t partial.” He defines bullying as an aggressive, repeated behavior that involves a power play and goes on to discuss the perspective of each group—bullied, bullies, bystanders—and how to reach out to them, which I thought was very perceptive. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter are helpful for facilitating conversation and encouraging action. One of the biggest take-aways is listening to kids and noticing any behaviors that could indicate bullying of some kind. Another major point was the culpability of social media in cyberbullying and causing isolation among kids. The stories include many types of bullying, from the physical to the emotional to that which occurs on social media, and they are heartbreaking but not surprising, which is why things need to change. Fittingly, the last segment of the book is devoted to solutions for those being bullied and for the authority figures in such situations and how to help schools deal with and prevent bullying. Although not a light read by any stretch of the imagination, this is a very necessary and timely resource for anyone who has been bullied, has witness bullying, or has even been a bully themselves, and especially for those who wish to combat bullying. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
Bullying is a major topic when it comes to our youth today. How did we let it get so out of hand and what can we do to put a stop to it? That’s exactly what Jonathan McKee explains in his book, “The Bullying Breakthrough“. This is the resource that I wish existed when I a kid, but also when I was researching the topic for my counseling classes back in college. McKee walks readers through the bullied, bystanders, and bullies with well-researched statistics, applicable ways to go about resolving the problem without being judgemental. His first-hand accounts also help his credibility with the information he shares. The information he shares is not new, at least not to someone who has studied the topic, but he is insightful and he is not afraid to share the ugly truth of how bullying impacts our students while keeping that spark of hope alive. I also appreciated the chapter he included ways that the principal, administration, and their staff can help resolve the bullying problem. Sometimes we forget that even these people are human and while they want to help, don’t always know what to do. He also explains that it’s not enough to pay for anti-bullying posters and have the occasional assembly. More needs to be done and these are some ways we can do just that. This is an excellent resource that I would personally recommend every parent, principal, teacher, youth pastor or leader, counselor, or anyone who works with today’s youth. This is the kind of book I wish I could gift to every single person in these roles, but unfortunately, due to finances, I can’t. It seriously is that great of a book though. Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher for my honest review, which I have given. I was not required to write a positive review and have not been compensated for it in any way. All opinions expressed are my own.
Bullying and or being bullied happens all the time. Most people will stand by and watch it happen and not do anything. At the end of each chapter, there are these wonderful discussion questions that may lead to some amazing conversations that could be helpful if a bully situation ever happened. The Bullying Breakthrough is an eye-opening book that will help anyone dealing with "the bullied, the bystanders, and the bullies." Written by a man who experienced bullying in his own life, this book seeks to help give an inside glimpse into why people bully others, why people stand on the sidelines without taking action, and how the people who are bullied are affected. Mr. McKee has interviewed many who fit into each category and has provided helpful insight into the who's the why's and the how's of bullying. If you or your children are or have been bullied, have been a bully, or have stood by not knowing what to do, or if you are a teacher or youth worker, this book will help you more fully the dynamics of bullying. Especially rampant, cyberbullying has taken this issue to a whole other level - one where it has been multiplied by the pervasiveness of the internet in our and our children's lives. He specifically addresses parents, teachers, and principals how to "notice, listen, befriend, and empathize" with both the bullied and the bullies. He tackles cyber bullying and spends a whole chapter on how to combat and avoid this as well. It is great for teens to read to even if they are just that bystander that tends to just watch from the sidelines. He even goes into when kids are pushed totally over the edge leading to suicide and even harming others, and how to help these to stop happening. In an empathetic, practical, Biblical, and totally applicable way, our author addresses each category and the parents and teachers of those kids in a way that will completely change your perspective and make you proactive in addressing these issues with your child in a totally Biblical way. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
THE BULLYING BREAKTHROUGH by Jonathan Mckee, was excellent. Each chapter had in-depth, researched information about bullying and being bullied. Even the title page was very well thought out. Bullying and or being bullied happens all the time. And most people will stand by and watch it happen and not do anything. Because in grade school I became good friends with someone that was being bullied or teased every day. I use to watch her cry all the time, so instead of just feeling sorry for her, I did something about it. What really came to my attention while I was reading this book was, what was said on page 67, in the last paragraph. "Realize that getting to the truth takes time." And what was said after that. I agree with that paragraph and it should be set up in all schools. And, what I really liked was, at the end of each chapter, there are these wonderful discussion questions that may lead to some amazing conversations that could be helpful if a bully situation ever happened. Which it usually does. In fact, I think it would be great if Mr. Mckee could visit all schools and be able to bring the point across to everyone about bullying, and the consequences it causes. A very helpful and important book indeed! I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
Jonathan McKee does it again! In a short and sweet book written in top-notch quality, our author addresses the very real world kids and teens live in today that is just not addressed enough- bullying. In his book, he addresses the bullied, the bystanders, and the bullies. He uses the truth of God's word, his own personal experience being bullied & being the parent of a child that is bullied to bring together Biblical truth with common sense to have a practical and Godly approach to this situation no matter what category you or your child may fall into. He specifically addresses parents, teachers, and principals how to "notice, listen, befriend, and empathize" with both the bullied AND the bullies. I don't think I can stress the practicalness and application that is so on point in this book enough. He tackles cyber bullying and spends a whole chapter on how to combat and avoid this as well. It is great for teens to read to even if they are just that bystander that tends to just watch from the sidelines. He even goes into when kids are pushed totally over the edge leading to suicide and even harming others, and how to help these to stop happening. In an empathetic, practical, Biblical, and totally applicable way, our author addresses each category and the parents and teachers of those kids in a way that will completely change your perspective and make you proactive in addressing these issues with your child in a totally Biblical way. If you have a teen, YOU NEED THIS BOOK! I can not stress it enough. No matter which category your child falls into, this book will apply to them and to you, and can be read together. BE THE CHANGE and teach your kids to be that too! Teachers, principals! This book would be a priceless resource for you as well! I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
The best thing about this book is it has solutions! A great primer on "listening and not dismissing" a child's fears or concerns. Also a lot of information on having "meaningful" conversations with the authority figures in your family member's life. Great examples and personal confessions to help guide the reader who may be dealing with a specific situation or bully. While bullying may not be a new problem the walking wounded from those years past show us it is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. I congratulate this author for having the hard conversations and addressing hard facts. Some readers my recognize themselves on both sides of the issues as some my view teasing as being "in fun" which the author lets us know is not fun for the receiver. Definitely a must reads for those of us with children in our lives. May even help a few adults in their work place. A good read.
The Bullying Breakthrough is a very thought provoking book. I am so glad I read this book as it will be helpful with my kids, with society and just in daily living. Really made me think about the different situations people encounter and how I can be part of the solution or part of the problem, even if I’m not actively bullying anyone. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
This book is a powerful resource for parents and teacher dealing with bullying issues in their schools, homes, and community. Whether you are dealing with a bully or the bullied this author has covered every area to help provide insight into what is now at epidemic proportions in our communities. Jonathan McKee through his own heart wrenching experiences as a child who was bullied has written a book that will touch your heart. I cried as I read his personal account of how he had been teased during his school years. He took that issue and turned into it a positive experience to help others going through the ugliness of bullying. As I read this book a school shooting took place less than a mile from my home. It was the school my children had graduated from years ago. I was happy I was reading this book. It gives talking points and suggestions for how to best talk with your child or students about how to handle bullies. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter would make this a wonderful book study for parents/teachers. This is a must read for everyone who wants to find encouragement in today's world dealing with a very serious issue. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
The Bullying Breakthrough is a fresh look at the problems of everyone involved in the ‘bullying’ experience. I found all the stories of individuals who are victims of ‘bullying’ to be helpful as well as the suggestions for resolutions to the anxiety that is a by-product of bullying. The fact that the book points to the bystanders who do not want to get involved; as well as, the authorities who ignore the stressful moments victims express to them, is most refreshing. I also noted that since the book is written by someone who has been bullied in his past; it appears to be more authentic. The detailed suggestions for parents to become more aware of bullying among their children were well presented and structurally informative. Many of the suggestions are just ‘plain good sense’, but to have them expressed in a book does alert the parent to responses of protection and proactive intervention to build identity, confidence, and connection with socialization in their child’s life. I would recommend this book to my clients as I work as an Educational Therapist and my students encounter bullies in their schools.
This new book from Jonathan McKee is a MUST-READ book for everyone! For parents, grandparents, teachers and anyone else who has young people in their lives. The Bullying Breakthrough is full of helpful suggestions to help deal with this serious problem that is plaguing our society. Have you ever had your child or grandchild come home from school and appear to be starving? Most of us would question or perhaps assume that they hadn't eaten lunch because they didn't like what was being served. What if "they skipped lunch in fear of walking through certain areas, or because their lunch money was stolen or their lunch tray dumped again". (p.124) The author himself was once bullied and he describes his bullying and how he felt. In a very telling paragraph he relates that "...I had an amazing home life. And I can tell you, if I had access to a gun in junior high, I would have considered blowing away not only the entire "Kill Jon Club" but every one of of the smug bystanders who laugh at their jokes and T-shirts! (Wow, did I just put that in print?) By God's grace, I never did. But take it from me, public ridicule does something to you mentally. It festers and boils, becoming something poisonous." (p. 159) In his introduction McKee mentions the hundreds of surveys and interviews he conducted over several months so that he could write this book. He shares the stories of young people that we recognize from news accounts but there are so many more mentioned who have experienced this hurtful behavior and we knew nothing about them until now. He also offers many tips for recognizing, understanding and reaching out to these victims. Page after page, readers are offered "real help for parents and teachers of the bullied, bystanders and bullies". Because, as guilty as the bullies are, there is also guilt that should be placed on the bystanders. People who watch and laugh and people who watch and do nothing. At the end of each chapter there are discussion questions and the book ends with several pages of notes to help us find more resources discussing this problem. I would hope that every school and every church would add this book to their libraries and I will suggest that my local public library purchase it also. I cannot recommend The Bullying Breakthrough enough! I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
The Bullying Breakthrough is an eye-opening book that will help anyone dealing with "the bullied, the bystanders, and the bullies." Written by a man who experienced bullying in his own life, this book seeks to help give an inside glimpse into why people bully others, why people stand on the sidelines without taking action, and how the people who are bullied are affected. Mr. McKee has interviewed many who fit into each category and has provided helpful insight into the who's the why's and the how's of bullying. If you or your children are or have been bullied, have been a bully, or have stood by not knowing what to do, or if you are a teacher or youth worker, this book will help you more fully the dynamics of bullying. Especially rampant, cyberbullying has taken this issue to a whole other level - one where it has been multiplied by the pervasiveness of the internet in our and our children's lives. Read this book, share this book. It is an important tool that will help you, if not solve some cases of bullying, at least help get into the mindset of all three parties involved. Every little step in understanding this issue is a step in the right direction. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review. The thoughts and opinions are mine alone.
I wish this book would have been available when our son was younger. The insight and personal experiences shared in this book are truly invaluable. I will be sharing this book with family and friends. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.
Wow, when I read The Bullying Breakthrough by Jonathan McKee, I learned a lot of new perspectives. I learned about the missed signs, the feelings of the victims that are ignored or dismissed, the hurt that carries into adulthood and a lot more. Cyber bullying is new for me since I didn't grow up in the electronic age, but there are many good points to think about and learn to recognize since cyber bullying seems to be the new normal. There seems to be more pressure to measure up and be liked. Cyber bullying truly is a 24/7 nonstop problem. This creates a lot of misery for kids of all ages. It's sad that the number of likes on social media determines a persons value in life. These are just a few of the things I learned from reading this book. There is much, much more. I hope teachers, principals, preachers, adults & kids find this book. Thanks for the new perspectives I would not have seen on my own. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review. If I saw this book in a store, I would have purchased it myself.
The Bullying Breakthrough by Jonathan McKee Real Help for Parents and Teachers of the Bullied, Bystanders, and Bullies In a world full of caring adults, how is it that we keep missing the cries of hurting kids? “Today, when the bell rings, kids might leave their school campus, but they can never escape the other world, a world where mockers and intimidators thrive. Ironically, they carry a gateway to that world right in their pockets with them, because they see that world as an avenue of escape. . .but in reality, it’s putting them in bondage," says author and youth expert Jonathan McKee in The Bullying Breakthrough. With chapters including, Digital Hurt, The Escape Key, Why Didn’t You Say Anything?, Meet the Principal, Real-World Solutions, and more, McKee shares his own heart-rending story and offers a sobering glimpse into the rapidly changing world of bullies, bystanders, and the bullied while providing helpful ways to connect with these kids, open doors of dialogue, and give them the encouragement they need and the validation they're searching for. . .too often in all the wrong places. If you interact with kids, you need this book! Therapists and counselors working with hurting young people. Moms and dads who desperately want to help but are learning through trial and error. Youth workers who are hanging out with teens on the front lines. Teens and tweens who feel like no one understands. Jocks. Nerds. Mean girls. Band kids. Special needs kids. Rich, poor, overweight, anemic, gorgeous, awkward…the whole gamut. All these assorted people have two common denominators: a mobile device they admittedly spend too much time on, and a story about the hurt they’ve seen or experienced when someone is repeatedly cruel to another. (You’ll be hearing much more from me on each of those two factors.) Welcome to the world of twenty-first-century bullying! I highly recommend reading. "I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review." The Bullying Breakthrough: Real Help for Parents and Teachers of the Bullied, Bystanders, and Bullies by Jonathan McKee is a wonderful well written 5 star book. more books by Jonathan McKee. The Guy's Guide to God, Girls, and the Phone in Your Pocket: 101 Real-World Tips for Teenaged Guys by Jonathan McKee The Teen's Guide to Social Media... and Mobile Devices: 21 Tips to Wise Posting in an Insecure World by Jonathan McKee Can I Have Your Attention?: Inspiring Better Work Habits, Focusing Your Team, and Getting Stuff Done in the Constantly Connected Workplace by Curt Steinhorst , Jonathan McKee The New Breed - Second Edition: Understanding & Equipping the 21st Century Volunteer Jul 20, 2012 by Jonathan McKee , Thomas W. McKee 52 Ways to Connect with Your Smartphone Obsessed Kid: How to Engage with Kids Who Can't Seem to Pry Their Eyes from Their Devices! by Jonathan McKee
I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t benefit from this book. Whether you’re a bystander, bully, or the bullied, this book provides wonderful ways of connecting with each. The Bullying Breakthrough contains heartbreaking stories that will change your outlook, your response, and approach. Bullying is an epidemic—especially with our youth, and is aggravated and enhanced by this digital age. Face-to-face and cyber bullying claims the precious lives of countless young people, and this book provides much needed help, encouragement, and empowerment for change. Teachers, pastors, parents, or anyone who works with our youth should read this book. It’s a world-changer. I received a complimentary copy of this book from Barbour Publishing and was under no obligation to post a review.