2023-12-04
Jake McCook and his mother recall their joint struggle with his schizophrenia in this memoir.
While in preschool, at only 4 years old, Jake McCook displayed such remarkable focus his teacher noticed and recommended, to his parents’ dismay, that he be put on medication. Laurette McCook saw her son as quirkily eccentric and impressively creative, not the bearer of some treatable dysfunction. As he grew older, though, he showed more troubling signs: “Crippling social anxiety,” paranoia, and panic attacks became increasingly common. Sometimes, he was afraid to eat food he was convinced was poisoned, and he believed that there were spies scrutinizing his life—terrifying fears chillingly related by the authors. During his teens, Jake began to self-medicate with alcohol, and by the age of 21 he was a heavy drinker, alcohol consumption being the only way he knew to quiet the ceaseless turmoil in his own mind. Finally, Jake was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and a search for an effective cocktail of drugs to stabilize his behavior began, as did Laurette’s often frustrating quest to make sure he took those drugs and refrained from drinking. The authors relay their parallel tales in turns, each contributing a series of generally brief meditations, the totality of which adds up to an extraordinary look into the disease and the challenge of its management. Here Jake reflects on the most daunting aspect of schizophrenia—its incurability: “The absolute permanence of schizophrenia is a nightmare. I can’t imagine having to deal with it my entire life. I go to sleep with schizophrenia, and I wake up with schizophrenia. This is on a loop in my head, and I can’t believe the power it has over me.” Laurette’s side of the story—her combination of bottomless hope and “parental PTSD”—is equally poignant. This is a captivating story, one as instructive as it is dramatically powerful and as heartbreaking as it is inspiring.
An unflinchingly realistic look at a little-understood disease.
