The Midwest Survival Guide: How We Talk, Love, Work, Drink, and Eat . . . Everything with Ranch

Everything you need to know to survive in the greatest place on Earth

Have you ever had a goodbye lasting more than four hours? Do you lack the emotional capacity to say “I love you” so you just tell your loved ones to “watch out for deer”? Have you apologized to a stranger because she stepped on your foot? If you answered yes to any of these questions, there's a good chance you're a Midwesterner-or a Midwesterner at heart.

Even if you answered no, you probably know someone who held the door ...