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The Petraeus Files: All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don't Want You to See
     

The Petraeus Files: All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don't Want You to See

5.0 1
by Ted Travelstead
 

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WARNING: The satire you are about to read will change the way you look at our nation's leaders. FOREVER.

In November 2012, General David Petraeus stepped down from his post as director of the CIA when it was exposed that he'd had an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The political scandal that unfolded would eventually include four-star

Overview

WARNING: The satire you are about to read will change the way you look at our nation's leaders. FOREVER.

In November 2012, General David Petraeus stepped down from his post as director of the CIA when it was exposed that he'd had an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The political scandal that unfolded would eventually include four-star generals, socialites, FBI agents, the Army, a stuffed Sasquatch, and the entire cast of TLC's Sister Wives.



Hundreds, thousands—maybe millions—of e-mails were exchanged between these parties. Their computers have been seized by the government, and those e-mails would likely never see the light of day. . . .

However, access to these confidential documents has been obtained by a most unlikely source: comedian Ted Travelstead. Through a perfect storm of dumb luck, desperation, and a favor from a friend with a working computer, Travelstead managed to secure these e-mails. He has pored over reams of pages to give you an inside look at The Petraeus Files.

Prepare to be amazed by:

*The coded phrases Gen. Petraeus and his mistress Paula Broadwell used to keep their rendezvous private, and the numerous nicknames they had for each other ("Peaches: I want your plums in my juicer.")

*Florida socialite Jill Kelley's official titles: Vice Consul of Sweet Times, Ambassador of Lady Town, Lil' Mayor Push-N-Pull, and Undersecretary of All Things Considered, to name a few.

*Gen. John Allen's previously unknown penchant for Nip/Tuck fan fiction


With exclusive e-mails, chats, photographs, and illustrations, this is a book that will change the way you look at the military, our nation's leaders, and the phrase "rear admiral."

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781466837034
Publisher:
St. Martin's Press
Publication date:
02/12/2013
Sold by:
Macmillan
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
176
File size:
2 MB

Related Subjects

Read an Excerpt

<1>
Introductions All Around
 

SPRING 2006
 
From: Paula Broadwell
Date: Thu, 4 May 2006 10:04:12 -0500
To: David Petraeus
Subject: Your Talk At Harvard

Dear General Petraeus,
 
Hearing you speak at Harvard was a real eye-opening experience. I’d like to thank you for giving your time, and sharing your wisdom. I wanted to ask if there was any way I could talk to you further about my research work. Your help would be invaluable.

Best Regards,

Paula Broadwell
 
-----------------------------

Hello Ms. Broadwell,

It was my pleasure to speak to you and the rest of those gathered. I would be glad to talk with you further. Perhaps we can set up a time to meet in person, and you can explain to me in more specific terms what you are looking for.
Do you like waffles?
 
Sincerely,

General David Petraeus

P.S. And please, call me David.

-------------------------------
 
Hi David,

I do very much like waffles, and please call me Paula.

I am very happy you’re willing to hear what I have in my mind. I will let your schedule dictate our rendezvous. Just say the word and I’ll be there.

Many thanks!

Best,

Paula
 

 
Copyright © 2013 by Ted Travelstead

Meet the Author

TED TRAVELSTEAD is a writer and performer. He is a co-author of SEX: Our Bodies, Our Junk, a contributor to Care To Make Love In That Gross Little Space Between Cars?: A Believer Book of Advice, and has written for Esquire, Vanity Fair, Radar, and McSweeney's, among other publications. As an actor he has appeared onstage performing sketch and stand-up at various venues in New York City, and in a broad range of films, comedic shorts, and music videos.
Ted Travelstead is a writer and performer. He is a co-author of SEX: Our Bodies, Our Junk, a contributor to Care To Make Love In That Gross Little Space Between Cars?: A Believer Book of Advice, and has written for Esquire, Vanity Fair, Radar, and McSweeney’s, among other publications. As an actor he has appeared onstage performing sketch and stand-up at various venues in New York City, and in a broad range of films, comedic shorts, and music videos.

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The Petraeus Files: All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don't Want You to See 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Where vampires go if they need to feed (only if they want to use feeder)....(and only if we have any)