We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis

by Mary E. DeMuth, J.D. Greear (Foreword by)

Overview

"Timely and necessary...This book is not only a warning. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to live out the gospel we so passionately proclaim. And it starts with listening."—J.D. Greear, President of the Southern Baptist Convention 

Time’s Up: Addressing the Unspoken Crisis in the Church

We like to think the church is a haven for the hurting. But what happens when it’s not?

Author and advocate Mary DeMuth urges the church she loves to rise up and face the evil of sexual abuse and harassment with candor and empathy. Based on research and survivors’ stories, along with fierce fidelity to Scripture, DeMuth unpacks the church’s response to sexual violence and provides a healthy framework for the church to become a haven of healing instead of an institution of judgment.

In the throes of the #MeToo movement, our response as Christians is vital. God beckons us to be good Samaritans to those facing trauma and brokenness in the aftermath of abuse and provide safe spaces to heal. DeMuth advocates for a culture of honesty and listening and calls on the church to enter the places where people are hurting. In the circle of that kind of empathetic #WeToo community, the church must become what it’s meant to be—a place of justice and healing for everyone.   

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780736979184
Publisher:	Harvest House Publishers
Publication date:	08/13/2019
Pages:	224
Sales rank:	1,109,601
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.60(d)
Age Range:	3 Months to 18 Years

About the Author

Mary DeMuth is a writer and speaker who loves to help people live re-storied lives. Author of more than 40 Christian living books. Mary speaks around the country and the world and is the host of the popular daily podcast Pray Every Day, where she prays for you every day of the year. She is the wife of Patrick and the mom of three adult children, currently living in Texas. MaryDeMuth.com

J.D. Greear, PhD, is lead pastor of a large and growing church in the Raleigh-Durham area of North Carolina and is deeply committed to international church planting. He lived and worked for two years among Muslims in Southeast Asia before studying Christian and Islamic theology. J.D. lives with his family in North Carolina. Breaking the Islam Code is his first book for Harvest House.

Table of Contents

Foreword J.D. Greear 11

Dear Reader 15

FIRST: The Exam Room, the Back Door, and the Dance Floor 17

Part 1 Understanding Our Roots

1 Rape: The Biblical Conundrum 31

2 The Revolutionary Responder: Jesus 45

3 Abuse and the Church 59

Part 2 Interpreting the Present

4 The Power of Secrets 71

5 The Persuasiveness of Bad Theology 81

6 The Pervasiveness of Porn 97

7 The Problem of Predators 109

8 The Passivity of the Church 125

Part 3 Shaping What's Next

9 A Necessary Education 143

10 A Nuanced Cultural Shift: From How-To to #MeToo 159

11 A New Pathway Forward 167

12 A Prophetic Imagination 195

LAST: The Lingering 205

Appendix: We Too Manifesto 209

Notes 215

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s church. Bravo, Mary!”
—Boz Tchividjian, attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE

“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”
—Wade Burleson, author, historian, pastor

“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”
—Glenn R. Kreider, professor of theological studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“Mary Demuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”
—Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird, academic dean, Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia

“We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”
—Jen Pollock Michel, author of Surprised by Paradox

“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”
—Eric Schumacher, pastor, author, and songwriter

“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”
—Dr. Sandra Glahn, professor and coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”
—Diane Langberg, Ph.D., psychologist

“Pastors, one of the most important and healing things we can do for survivors is listen. Mary has given us an excellent opportunity to begin listening in a form we are familiar with—reading a book. If we read biographies of other great saints (and we should), then let us read biographies of those who have faced one the great tragedies of our day—sexual abuse—and maintained a great love for God, the gospel, and the church. Allow reading Mary’s book to be a first step toward listening well to survivors in your church who need you to be the ears of Christ.”
—Brad Hambrick, pastor of counseling at The Summit Church (Durham, NC)

“This book is a balm to the soul and a resource for the church at large. It is intelligently and discerningly written and initiates a healthy conversation over real and pertinent issues surrounding abuse within the church. #metoo”
—Vonda Dyer, CCO Minerva Consulting, worship leader, survivor, advocate

“Mary DeMuth speaks a powerful and prophetic word that is timely and necessary. She courageously and vulnerably shares her experiences and shows her scars in a way that will embolden many others to do the same. We Too should be required reading for every pastor, church leader, and lay minister.”
—Rebecca Carrell, speaker, author of Holy Jellybeans and Holy Hiking Boots

“In We Too, Mary DeMuth offers a prophetic and winsome call to the church to not repeat the mistakes of the past. She courageously shares her own story and writes as someone who loves the church and is committed to its redemptive mission. We must do better as a church, and Mary helps point the way forward. A must read!”
—Aaron Graham, lead pastor, The District Church

“Mary Demuth’s personal story, astute theological applications, and trauma awareness bring clarity to the passivity of the church towards countless men and women bearing the scars of sexual abuse. We Too is painfully necessary and yet filled with the hope of restoration for each person, family, and church affected by sexual abuse.”
—Brian Haynes, author and lead pastor, Bay Area Church (League City, Texas)

“Instead of hearing voices of comfort and support, most abuse survivors experience silence, even from the church. Women around the world deserve to be believed, and the church not only has a great opportunity, but a responsibility to respond.”
—Susan Seay, author, speaker, and host of the Mentor 4 Moms podcast

“We Too is a remarkable and compelling book. Mary DeMuth prophetically calls the church to enter the silence and denial surrounding sexual abuse that has inflicted the body of Christ like a deadly virus. Victims of abuse, their family and friends, and those who shepherd the flock of God will find immense hope and clarity in how we are to find healing for individuals and a restoration of integrity for the church. There could not be a more perfect book for this time.”
—Dan B. Allender, Ph.D., author, founding president of the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology

“Mary invites everyone to the table with We Too—an honest, vulnerable, grounded, and biblical addition to the conversation of broken sexuality in the church and society. It’s an authentic conversation about where we’ve been, the challenges we face today, and the hope of healing waiting in our tomorrow. Hers is a brave, open, and necessary addition to the conversation of sexual wholeness in God’s church.”
—Antwuan Malone, pastor and executive director of ELEVATE YA

“For too long the church has valued its reputation and the reputation of the accused over the safety and healing of the victim. DeMuth wisely shepherds the church toward a true biblical narrative demonstrating God’s care and his justice for the oppressed. We Too is a must read for every pastor, ministry leader, and Christian counselor.”
—Leslie Vernick, counselor, speaker, and bestselling author

“Mary DeMuth brings wisdom to a difficult topic. She addresses the challenges faced by all the groups that can be impacted by a single act of abuse, while offering insightful yet simple recommendations to ensure things are handled appropriately.”
—Ruth Thorogood, Evangelical Fellowship of Canada Partner

“Carefully weaving the teachings of Scripture with her own story and the stories of others who have suffered sexual abuse, Mary DeMuth delivers a powerful wake-up call to the church she loves. Filled with biblical wisdom, factual evidence, and practical principles, We Too is an indispensable resource for anyone who cares about those who have been broken by sexual sin.”
—Bob Rognlien, author of A Jesus-Shaped Life

“Mary DeMuth has a message that the church needs to hear. We Too is a transparent, thoughtful, raw, and honest account of a problem in the church that no one wants to talk about. But we must. We Too deserves to be widely read by women and men, leaders and laity. Don’t miss it.”
—Kim Jones, director of engagement, My Refuge House

“We Too is a prophetic call to embody Christ’s healing, love, and justice for those oppressed by the powerful. It will take strength to walk humbly and courage to look at the mess. We can let go of the 30-second conversion narratives and instead sit with those bleeding in our pews. We can be the Good Samaritans again. Mary DeMuth boldly shows us the way.”
—Terri Fullerton, writer

“I’m grateful to God that Mary DeMuth’s journey, resilience, compassion, wisdom, and leadership have been shared in these words—words clearly written with a deep love for the hurting and with an undying hope for the church. We Too is a significant contribution to a church and society in need of healing, change, and a safer future.”
—Wade Mullen, director, Master of Divinity program, Capital Seminary & Graduate School

Editorial Reviews

Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s church. Bravo, Mary!”
—Boz Tchividjian, attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE

“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”
—Wade Burleson, author, historian, pastor

“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”
—Glenn R. Kreider, professor of theological studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“Mary Demuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”
—Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird, academic dean, Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia

“We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”
—Jen Pollock Michel, author of Surprised by Paradox

“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”
—Eric Schumacher, pastor, author, and songwriter

“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”
—Dr. Sandra Glahn, professor and coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”
—Diane Langberg, Ph.D., psychologist

From the Publisher