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It's A Tough Life
"Tough times never last but tough people do." - Robert H. Schuller
How true. However some people do have a lot of tough times or live daily with tough situations.
There have always been terrible times throughout history and there are difficult times to live through in your own world, but the really hard times are those you experience personally.
Recently I was in a restaurant and a lovely pretty young girl was the server. She had tattoos all over one arm. When I asked her about it she told me they were dinosaurs. She then went on to explain that they were in memory of a brother that died at age five and she used to read to him about dinosaurs and he loved that.
She was a mother of a young boy now and he liked the same stories.
So, here she was working to help support her family and with her sad background being pleasant to patrons.
Now she is but one in a million of terribly sad stories out there and as a therapist I have heard my fair share of all sorts of horrible conditions people live through.
As a young family counselor, I will never forget the young mother who was a nurse and took care of a dying child for years.
How many families live with illness, lack of funds, crises that happen, and anything else that could make you depressed or feel you just want to give up? And we all know or have read about many who do give up.
It is indeed a tough life and the best and worst parts are always unplanned.
How many decisions have you made that didn't turn out well? How often have you been disappointed about jobs, friends, family, loves? No one escapes!!
The wounds can become scars and scars are tough. The wish is to not become so hard that you lose your humanity.
Being alone or having ambivalence takes a toll. Having more than one difficult thing in your life can bring you down. It's that proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back.
A lot of this has to do with your goals and hopefully they are realistic.
Having support from others helps. Humor helps. And having financial resources can soften many blows.
Now when it comes to love that's a big issue and often you may have to displease people in order to have and hold on to love.
Perhaps your family dislikes your choice, maybe friends disapprove and then, of course, there are a whole myriad of things you may not like about that person, yourself.
You may have to be tough to get what you want in a relationship. You may also have to be tough to end one or have someone end with you.
What happens is that these experiences show you that there is life that goes on, and all you have to do is keep moving and have faith and hope. If you survive one you know you can survive another.
At times it is impossible, and we all have our weak periods, but even then, we can push on.
People whom we respect that have lived difficult lives are often great examples to learn about and emulate. They are not us, but we can learn from them and also realize we are not alone. Someone else has lived through this.
Most of our troubles will not be on the eleven o'clock news, but for some people their problems are huge.
Insurmountable problems are out there, make no mistake about it. However, life does go on.
The question is;
HOW? In the end it is up to you.
In America we value independence and strength. What we need to teach is that sometimes we really need others and hopefully that will teach us how to be empathetic and caring when someone needs us!
"Making tough decisions that may make someone unhappy is something to get good at doing." - Phoebe Robinson
What You Don't Know Can Hurt You
"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid." - Benjamin Franklin
What have been the things that happened that surprised you? How often have you thought, If only I had known. Most of us have a rather long list of things that fall into that category.
It is true that what you don't know can really hurt you and your life.
Schools do not teach the things we truly need to know. They do not prepare us for real life.
How do you make decisions? What facts do you have and where do they come from? How much damage has happened in your life and family as a result of not knowing?
Think about the areas that concern your daily life and your future.
Who taught you what to do with money? Did you have good advice about planning your future and investments? Managing money is a big deal and not easily learned. Often people learn only by 'mistakes' and then it's too late.
How do you budget and what is your expendable income? Savings? Taking care of your old age and your family doesn't happen by magic. Handling credit is a huge lesson to learn.
Who tells you about the large interest rates you can end up paying? How do you choose your life's work? What should you have known?
The more you know about anything the better. And things do change so it is an ongoing process. Whom to trust and learn from is a question for each of us.
Rules and laws are often not given or misunderstood. Even simple things like parking a car can cause a lot of problems if you don't have the right information.
Medical issues can be life threatening. Who do you trust to give you advice or pills?
Being in a hospital and not being aware of what is going on and how you are being treated medically can be unbelievably destructive. Heaven help you if you are foggy or have no one to advocate and check on your treatment. You are a pure victim.
Legal issues are always a problem. Can anyone trust any lawyer? They are all in cahoots in my book and they always benefit from others' misfortune!
Jewelers are another area for lack of knowledge hurting and costing you. Sort of like car repair ...
Who tells you beautiful colored precious stones are that way because they were heated? Who tells you some stones have been sliced and doubled to look good? Talk about a racket!
Whatever you pay, try to get that amount back if you want to sell it. Lots of luck!
Art and music and areas such as architecture can be appreciated the more you understand about what it took to get the finished product. While much is individually selective, knowing can give you an insight even if you don't like the end result.
What foods to eat and where to travel and what entertainment you choose again is an individual choice but information can guide your choices.
Insurance is another large area where money is spent, often unwisely. Often the devil is in the details that are glossed over or not explained in simple terms. Caveat emptor ... buyer beware.
And simple things can cause a lot of disappointment and trouble. Did you think to measure the doorways and stairs before buying that sofa? Can you return ... whatever, if there is a problem?
Buying things on impulse or from a super salesperson can be a big mistake in the end.
Whoever told you that you need to put a metal spoon in a crystal bowl before adding something hot? Probably no one which is why your favorite dish cracked and broke!
After age twenty or so we can no longer blame parents for our troubles. Taking responsibility is a big step and leads to reliable adulthood.
Now we all make mistakes that could have been avoided if only we knew ... That is one way to LEARN. Hopefully without paying too costly a price. The real issue from my perspective is; you guessed it, relationships.
What exactly do we learn about being a person, a partner, and a parent? Think about it. The most important parts of our lives. Answer; very little.
We get better instructions about how to fix a dress stain and care for a plant than we do about how to care for a partner or child.
Let's change that!!
"The greater our knowledge increases the more our ignorance unfolds." - John F. Kennedy
Is Commitment Necessary
"Intensity of attraction is a beautiful thing. But to mislabel it love is both foolish and dangerous. What love requires on top of instant emotion is time, shared experiences and feelings, and a long and tempered bond between two people." Stanton Peele
Recently I visited a prestigious college campus and had the opportunity to speak with a number of students. Naturally I was concerned about their love lives.
The girls spoke of difficulty with guys they were involved with, and the subject of commitment came up.
Being labeled sexist in a number of regards, has never altered my opinions about the genetic differences, that will never change, between males and females.
While we have all heard the mantra that the only things you can count on are death and taxes, many people need to 'count on' a partner, and they want them emotionally tied to them alone. That means commitment.
Now when young people talk that way, I get a bit concerned. To be tied to one person at young ages does not allow for a wide variety of romantic experiences. Those experiences will be helpful in the long run, in choosing someone to perhaps marry and have children with; if that is a goal.
What happens I believe, is that many young people have a sexual partner and are truly connected in a number of other ways, and then the female, usually, wants a commitment. Now that commitment may be that they only sleep with one another, or it may mean they do not go out with anyone else. This can be limiting, and in some cases, stifling, and in others an unreal expectation.
What happens with natural desires and finding others attractive? What happens with flirtation? What happens with exploring other people, maybe just as friend' first?
Guys seem to fear commitment more than females. Females want that 'security' knowing he is theirs and theirs alone. Especially when sex is involved. Guys do not seem to have that same need. But to be fair there are males that are extremely jealous and want that security as well.
The fact of the matter is that it takes time to be that secure about what you offer, and trust that YOU CANNOT be replaced emotionally and physically. Being young you can't know that .... yet!
The really secure and free people know that only with total freedom and being chosen does love survive and thrive. It cannot be ordered; legal documents don't do it either.
How do you get someone tied to you?
Easy. You offer what you are and the best and honest person that you are. Perfect people do not exist, and love will be blind in the beginning. However, by just being open and you, and trusting what the relationship enjoys, the truth will out. Enjoy and have fun. Share and communicate eye to eye; heart to heart.
He/she will want what you bring; the good and the messy, and the rotten parts. If not, you have a sham relationship anyway.
It is not easy to expose yourself with the warts and insecurities. There are yucky parts to all relationships, especially over time as the real you is there in living color and without filters. That's as it should be.
With time and experience you learn who to trust with what you say and do. If you have been burned or duped, or just inexperienced, time will teach you. Now is the time to learn. It is harder later If the same problems keep arising, you may need to take a good long hard look at what you are doing and who you are getting involved with.
Maybe even talking to a professional counselor could shed light to prevent further heartache.
Hurt and pain are all part of this journey, so be prepared and not surprised. But also, do not be un-done by it. Do not let your self-esteem be threatened.
It is a big wide world out there with billions of people. You will find those that work for you. We fall in deep love maybe two or possibly three times in a lifetime.
All the rest is merely practice. Being loved and loving takes education and no university is teaching that ... yet!
Exclusively yours is a lovely way to live; when it works.
"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde
So, the grandmother was beside herself as a huge wave knocked over her small grandson and washed him out to sea.
She screamed and then begged heaven to bring him back. She offered to spend her life doing anything to thank heaven for returning him.
After a short while a big wave washed ashore and lo and behold there was her beloved grandson. She grabbed him and hugged him tightly. Then she looked up and announced, "But, when he went in, he had a cap on his head!"
Some people are just never satisfied ...
When we look around or even take a real look at ourselves, we can observe the attention to detail that we do or do not address.
Now in many cases the attention to detail is crucial. Surgeons for example better pay supreme attention and pilots and others who take our lives in their hands.
Then there are those who pay too much attention to things that we may not deem terribly important. Have you ever been to a dog show?
Look at the way owners and handlers deal with every hair on the animal's body. Often the owners look like they could use a bit of that attention themselves.
Then there are the obsessive ones who have to have everything in place and every I dotted and T crossed and spend countless hours getting things the way they want. Heaven forbid if you leave something out of place around them. They can be quite annoying. In relationships they can make partners crazy.
If the details become too much the stress is overwhelming and certainly not productive.
There are others who only see the big picture and can overlook details to get to the important aspects.
Often, they can be annoying as well, as they do not pay any attention to what they consider unimportant around them. Often, they are in La La land too.
With aging what matters becomes more clear. The things that bothered when younger are no longer what matters now.
With age and hopefully wisdom, the world and what goes on is put in perspective as you have lived through it all before.
Relationships take a more important role in life and compromise is easier.
You can get rewards too. It's like the grandchildren are the reward for not murdering your children!
When no longer a player you can be appreciated for cooking a nice meal for friends or family.
You don't have to be competitive; you can just be you.
Ever notice how older people say pretty much whatever they think?
The small gestures like small details take on a whole new role. A sweet look or word; a small gift from the heart, or something personal has meaning in ways that what money bought never did.
Having some fun, doing some good, finding and giving love, and being a responsible adult is what we all attempt to achieve. Whatever we accomplish toward those goals is put in perspective and we are grateful for whatever small gains we made in that behalf. Much of what is pleasant in life is from small details. The big things that occur are short-lived usually, but the small gestures linger and are called up over time again and again.
With mid-life heebie jeebies and worries of all sorts we sometimes lose sight of the small details that go on. While it is true that we have much to take care of and work and paying bills, dealing with children, aging parents, and the like take up most of our effort and time; we can learn to pay attention to those small details that are there giving life another dimension. It's that old, stop and smell the roses.
No matter what the circumstances we can learn to do that. We don't need drugs to make us happy; we can be high on life!!
"We think in generalities, but we live in detail." - Alfred North Whitehead
Go On Flaunt It
"Woman regard all other women as their competition, whereas men as a rule only have this feeling towards other men in the same profession ..." - Bertrand Russell
Here it is another major difference between the sexes. Watch and listen and observe what individuals flaunt.
For men it can be their strength, height, achievements and success in their field, or money or power.
They will keep at it, as often the wish is to have or be or do more.
For women they are competitive with other women in looks, what they wear, how they live, and what their money can or has bought.
Men like being good at what they DO.
Women like being good in the way they LOOK.
That is because they are different and want different things from one another ... it never changes.
She wants to attract a man and he wants to supersede his competitors.
How the message gets out that 'I am superior' can vary. There are big homes, with all sorts of interiors and art. There are fancy cars. There is big jewelry. Designer clothes. Plastic surgery. There are expensive trips. Fine food and wine. You name it. If it costs a lot of money someone will buy it. Even philanthropy has a role. Ever see names on buildings?(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Woozie Wisdom"
Copyright © 2019 Lynn Hubschman.
Excerpted by permission of iUniverse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
It's A Tough Life, 1,
What You Don't Know Can Hurt You, 3,
Is Commitment Necessary, 6,
Details Matter, 9,
Go On Flaunt It, 11,
It's Complicated, 13,
Nanny Versus Mother, 16,
The Authentic You, 19,
When Your Children Become Alien, 21,
Will Millennials Change This World, 24,
Uber Me A, 26,
The Killer ... Anxiety, 28,
A Slap In The Face, 31,
Once A Loser ..., 35,
Not Crazy Enough, 36,
Not My Problem, 40,
Mothers Set The Stage, 42,
Money Doesn't Care Who Has It, 48,
Let Me Stress This, 51,
It's ALL Bullshit, 54,
Is There Really Free Will, 56,
Is Patience Still A Virtue, 59,
I Will Survive, 62,
How Much Stuff, 65,
Heaven Help The Millennials, 67,
Giving Thanks, 70,
The Great Equalizer ... Hospitals, 73,
Go ... Ask Santa, 75,
Diamonds Are Worthless, 77,
Face It ... On Facebook, 80,
First Year of College; Neither Fish Nor Fowl, 82,
Family ... As A Sporting Event, 84,
Class Will Tell, 87,
Comfy and Convenient, 89,
Feminists ... Many Shot Themselves In The Foot, 92,
Carrots Versus Cocaine, 95,
Crazy Stuff, 98,
As Luck Would Have It, 103,
Let's Do A Budget, 105,
Phooey On Getting Old ... er, 108,
Shh ... Don't Even Mention It, 110,
At Times Mourning Becomes Us, 114,
Grieving ... For Life, 116,
A Better World ... A Better You, 119,
Give The Gift ... of Sex, 122,
Enjoy Sex ... Fake Love, 125,
What's Your Sexual ID, 128,
Used Or Abused, 130,
Viewer Discretion Is Advised, 133,
Unzip His Heart And Pants, 136,
Sex Goes To The Dogs, 141,
There's Sex And Then There's SEX, 143,
Talk About The Big O, 145,
And Then There's Pillow Talk, 150,
Sex Ed. 101, Sex Ed 102, Sex Ed 103, 152,
Shut Up And Lie Down, 156,
Sex Yes.... Sex No, 158,
Shut Your Mouth ... OR Open It, 161,
The Really Weaker Sex, 163,
Russian Roulette Sex, 166,
Take The Clothes And YOU Out Of The Closet, 169,
A Robot Brothel, 172,
Mucho Macho, 175,
Her Ears Will Open Her Legs, 177,
Fighting To Get 'IT' Back, 182,
Comfy Sex As Opposed To ..., 185,
Bare It ... Then Bear It, 188,
The Real Perverts, 191,
Love Is Always Agony, 195,
Is Love Really Worth it, 198,
First Date ... First Test, 200,
You Plus Me Equals US, 205,
Why Are You With HIM, 207,
When A Child Divorces, 210,
The Bitch Factor, 215,
We All Use Each Other, 217,
Compliments And Criticism, 220,
When Spouse Means Enemy, 222,
What's In It For You, 225,
With All Your Faults ..., 228,
Who's In Control, 231,
Who Are You ... Really, 234,
Should You Lower Your Expectations, 236,
Too Many Choices, 238,
Tough Love Isn't, 241,
Uniquely YOU, 243,
She Makes More Than He Does, 246,
Sacrifice For ... Love, 249,
Show Off ... And On, 251,
Relating Through Technology, 256,
Ready Or Not, 259,
Revenge.... Is So So Sweet, 261,
Politics and Love, 263,
Promises, Promises, 266,
The Perfect Wife, 269,
Notice Me ... Notice Me, 272,
Marry Him ... Please Don't, 274,
Monogamy Is For The Birds, 277,
Marriage Gives You License To ..., 280,
Love ... Less Love ... More, 282,
Married And Alone, 285,
Love Minus IN, 287,
Keep The Mate ... Divorce The Children, 290,
I Hate Everybody, 293,
I Love Everybody, 295,
Independent Women ... Get A Dog, 299,
He's A Person Not A Puppet, 301,
Go On ... Make A Mistake, 303,
Guys ... Flattery Pays Off, 306,
The Grass IS Greener, 308,
Compared to ..., 311,
FIRST ... Love Thyself, 313,
From Red Flag To White Flag, 316,
Cinderella After The Ball, 321,
Choose Your Battles, 324,
Attention ... Attention, 326,
Beware Of Sensitive Men, 329,
A Big Deal Is No Deal, 331,
Getting Rid of Love Is Never Easy, 334,
That Was Then, 337,
We All Have Loss, 340,
Being Dumped Hurts, 343,
Omnia Vincit Amor, Or Love Conquers All, 345,