Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box

( 90 )


Since its original publication in 2000, Leadership and Self-Deception has become a word-of-mouth phenomenon. Its sales continue to increase year after year, and the book’s popularity has gone global, with editions now available in over twenty languages.

Through a story everyone can relate to about a man facing challenges on the job and in his family, the authors expose the fascinating ways that we can blind ...

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Since its original publication in 2000, Leadership and Self-Deception has become a word-of-mouth phenomenon. Its sales continue to increase year after year, and the book’s popularity has gone global, with editions now available in over twenty languages.

Through a story everyone can relate to about a man facing challenges on the job and in his family, the authors expose the fascinating ways that we can blind ourselves to our true motivations and unwittingly sabotage the effectiveness of our own efforts to achieve success and increase happiness.

This new edition has been revised throughout to make the story even more compelling. And drawing on the extensive correspondence the authors have received over the years, they have added a section that outlines the many ways that readers have been using Leadership and Self-Deception to improve their lives and workplaces—areas such as team building, conflict resolution, and personal growth and development, to name a few.

Read this extraordinary book and discover what millions already have learned—how to consistently tap into an innate ability that dramatically improves both your results and your relationships.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
“This is a profound book, with deep and sweeping implications. It is engaging, fresh, easy to read, and packed with insights. I couldn’t recommend it more highly.”
—Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

“Extraordinary . . . Five Stars.”
—Business Ethics

“This is the most profound and practical business book I have ever read! Everyone I have recommended this book to has been challenged intellectually and also touched emotionally. It is a must-read that I will give to my kids to read before they begin their careers.”
—Tom A. DiDonato, Vice President, Human Resources, American Eagle Outfitters

“I love this book. It identifies the central issue in all organizational performance. Like truth itself, this book reveals more with each re-examination. I highly recommend it.”
—Doug Hauth, Business Development Manager, Convio, Inc.

“Imagine working in an organization where the aim of your colleagues is to help you achieve your results. I could not believe it possible. After reading this book I just had to bring Arbinger to the UK to teach our people. What an experience! We are all better people for it. This book touches the very foundation of culture, teamwork, and performance.”
—Mark Ashworth, President and CEO, Butcher’s Pet Care, UK

“It’s rare to find a business book that is good enough to recommend to your boss, your work team, and your friends. The concepts in this book have transformed both the way I work and the way I live.”
—Robert W. Edwards, Managing Director, Sales, FedEx

“After decades of executive leadership in senior management positions,
I’ve finally found in Arbinger what I consider to be the best means of improving every measure of success. From boosting the bottom line to increasing personal joy, this book shows the way.”
—Bruce L. Christensen, former President and CEO, PBS

“This astonishing book is a MUST-read for every executive or personal and professional coach.”
—Laura Whitworth, coauthor of Co-Active Coaching, and cofounder, The Coaches Training Institute

“The concepts in this book are powerful. They are fundamental to success whether on the playing field, in the office, or perhaps most importantly, at home. Read this book and you’ll see what I mean.”
—Steve Young, two-time NFL Most Valuable Player

“Rarely has a book had such an immediate and profound impact on the hundreds of CEOs of fast growth firms we work with through our
MIT/Inc./EO Executive Program. And it’s one of those rare books that touches both the personal as well as professional lives of these leaders.”
—Verne Harnish, cofounder, Entrepreneurs’ Organization, and CEO, Gazelles, Inc.

“Leadership and Self-Deception is a touchstone for authentic leadership. Arbinger’s innovative exploration of what lies beneath behavior uplifts, enlightens, and transforms. We’ve wholeheartedly adopted Leadership and Self-Deception as the foundational material for our administrator development program.”
—Troy S. Buer, Educational Program Director, University of Virginia School of Medicine

“This is probably the most outstanding book that directs us to soul searching and introspection. It teaches us to take accountability for our lives and our destinies in a down-to-earth and bluntly practical manner. The lessons in this book have helped me personally, as well as other people I love.”
—Kalyan Banerjee, cofounder and Senior Vice President, MindTree

“The principles of Leadership and Self Deception provide the groundwork for our success as individuals and organizations. I recommend it highly to my fellow board members, to global networks, corporate clients, entrepreneurs, and individuals alike. “
—Heidi Forbes Öste, CEO and Founder, 2BalanceU and Public Relations, Europe Region, Business and Professional Women International

“Because it distills important leadership, spiritual, and life principles into one profound and impossible-to-put-down-book, Leadership and Self Deception is a treasure. MBA students in my classes share my enthusiasm for this rare book. You will surely return to this book again and again; and each time you do, it will be as penetrating a learning experience as the first time.”
—Barry Brownstein, CSX Chair in Leadership, University of Baltimore

“The leadership principles in this book have had a greater impact on the quality of leadership in our company than anything we have ever implemented. They have been extraordinarily important in helping make our company a great place to work while at the same time helping us focus on results and increase productivity as never before.”
—Michael Stapley, President and CEO, DMBA

“While reading, I reviewed my life, and, sure enough, what successes there were in it were based on Arbinger’s principles. This book is a tool that could transform and elevate the way government functions!”
—Mark W. Cannon, former Administrative Assistant to the Chief Justice of the United States and Staff Director, Commission on the Bicentennial of the U.S. Constitution

“Simple . . . clear . . . powerful. With many years of experience in leadership, organizational development, and training I was surprised to find something strike me with such impact.”
—Janet Steinwedel, President, Leaders Insight

“As a therapist I was pleasantly surprised to find that a book geared toward managers could have such far-reaching implications in my life and the lives of my clients. I believe the ideas in this book could transform the counseling profession. It is now required reading for all my clients.”
—Jason Beard, family therapist

“Are you relating to the world anxiously or angrily, not comprehending why you hold judgmental attitudes, feel uncontrollable fear, or unleash explosions of temper against your colleagues without being able to explain why? Do you feel hopeless and unable to change? Learn the practical tools provided in this fascinating book and eliminate this problem at its source right now!”
—Marcos Cajina Heinzkill, Certified Coach and Facilitator, founder and President, Renewal, Spain

“Remarkable. Arbinger possesses the hidden key to productivity and creativity. Do whatever you can to get your hands on this material.”
—Dave Browne, former President and CEO, LensCrafters

“This book is a rare gem that is treasured by all who have read it. The organization for which I work has passed this book to so many people, and it is amazing to watch peoples’ attitudes and behaviors towards each other changing. Each day everyone gives a little more, making us better leaders but more importantly better people.”
—Nuala Murphy, Senior Vice President, Global Financial Services Company

“Leadership and Self-Deception holds up a brutally honest mirror to behavior in which we all indulge to justify our shortcomings. The result is not self-remorse or punishment but a glimpse of a life to be lived with integrity and freed of the boundaries and constraints we inflict upon ourselves and others. I am always excited to watch Arbinger’s thinking help my clients to unlock painful family disputes and lead them to resolution.”
—Neil Denny, family lawyer, Wiltshire, UK

“A remarkable book. It can be valuable to your understanding of why so many people create their own problems, are unable and/or unwilling to see that they are creating their own problems, and then resist any attempts by others to help them stop creating those problems.”
—Robert Morris, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer

“I’ve been in the book publishing business for twenty five years. Rarely have I read a book as profound and life-changing as Leadership and Self-Deception.”
—David Sanford, Literary Agent, Credo Communications

“This book was recommended to me at an annual strategic planning session. I was stunned by the truth of it and the simple solution. Our entire management has now read it. It has been a building block for our personal and organizational development.”
—Rick Chalk, CEO, Cal-tex Protective Coatings

“My business partners and I built a health-care company on the ideas in this book. We are amazed at what it has helped us achieve. Careful reading and rereading of this book has proven better than any productivity, team-building, or leadership training we’ve encountered.”
—Mark Ballif, CEO, Plum Healthcare

“An important book that has the potential to change the way you think, behave, and live your life, both personally and professionally.”
—Rolf Dobelli, Amazon Top 50 Reviewer

“Our Executive Committee read Leadership and Self-Deception nearly two years ago. Since then every member of our staff has read it. The
Arbinger approach adds tremendous value as we grow the company and integrate companies we acquire along the way.”
—Robin Hamill, Chairman, Igility Group

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781576759776
  • Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
  • Publication date: 1/5/2010
  • Edition description: Second Edition
  • Edition number: 2
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 18,235
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

The Arbinger Institute helps organizations, families, individuals, and communities worldwide to correct the trouble created by the little-known but pervasive problem of self-deception. Arbinger is led internationally by founding partners James Ferrell, Duane Boyce, Paul Smith, and Terry Warner. Headquartered in the United States, Arbinger now has operations around the world, including throughout the Americas, Europe, Africa, the Middle East, India, Oceania, and Asia.

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Table of Contents

Preface    vii
Part I    Self-Deception and the “Box”
    1    Bud    3
    2    A Problem    7
    3    Self-Deception    10
    4    The Problem beneath Other Problems    17
    5    Beneath Effective Leadership    21
    6    The Deep Choice That Determines Influence    31
    7    People or Objects    41
    8    Doubt    49
Part II    How We Get in the Box
    9    Kate    59
    10    Questions    61
    11    Self-Betrayal    64
    12    Characteristics of Self-Betrayal    72
    13    Life in the Box    81
    14    Collusion    91
    15    Box Focus    104
    16    Box Problems    108
Part III    How We Get Out of the Box
    17    Lou    117
    18    Leadership in the Box    121
    19    Toward Being Out of the Box    126
    20    Dead Ends    129
    21    The Way Out    140
    22    Leadership Out of the Box    149
    23    Birth of a Leader    159
    24    Another Chance    163
    Index        172
Share Your Story    169

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 90 )
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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 90 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 26, 2008

    Insightful and Energizing

    Leadership and Self-Deception helps you understand how your actions both directly and indirectly affect others. It certainly made me aware of how much impact something can have on your life and the lives of others, and I was able to see how I can improve my everyday life both personally and professionally for the better. This book goes to core of what it means to live in a world so consumed with ego and self-promotion that many times we are more concerned about how we appear today rather than what impact our appearances, actions and aspirations will have on ourselves.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 20, 2002

    BAM! It Has Roots

    A book that finds it's reader compelled to improve in every aspect of their life. This is not just a book that tells a story, but a book that brings life to the forefront and then tells you how to deal with it. REALLY DEAL WITH IT!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 27, 2004


    It took only one night to read and I could see where I was and was not 'in the box'. A powerful idea expressed with such simplicity--should be required reading for all leaders and the people they lead.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 27, 2003


    I couldn't put it down and neither could my wife. We both read it in a day. The insight is remarkable and I'll never be the same after having read this book.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 8, 2000

    Best material yet

    While I have been acquainted with the Arbinger material for 20 years, this book walked me back through many instances in my life when my heart has not been right with others. When I first learned this material, I was startled to discover the part I played with the 'problem' people in my life. I liked it better when I thought I was innocent. The most helpful aspect of the book's material was that it was presented in a way such that I didn't feel to defend myself. Instead, I felt to be completely honest with myself. The material has been encouraging and unsettling at the same time. I learned that I could improve myself and my relationships with others, but also that I had much to improve and repair. The thing I feared most, complete honesty, not just an accurate report of my self-deceived emotions, has turned out to be the most freeing experience. P.S. Twenty years ago I had a lot of bad days with only a few good moments. Now I have a lot of good days with only a few bad moments. Thank you again.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 9, 2000

    Dynamic, readable, and life-changing

    This is a superb book that presents some life-changing concepts and principles in an easy-to-read novel format. As a therapist, I've been looking for a way to share with clients and co-workers the principles in this book without 'boring' them with psychobabel. This book is truly as applicable to individuals, couples, and families as it is to companies. It's one of the five top books on my 'Have to Read' list.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 13, 2013

    English Comp 102 Kyla Hammond 12 June 2013 Leadership & S

    English Comp 102
    Kyla Hammond
    12 June 2013
    Leadership & Self Deception
    The main character is Tom Callum, a new senior manager for Zagrum Company. It took him eight interviews, three-weeks of silence and self doubt before he was actually hired. Tom is about to be introduced
    to the Zagrum ritual for all senior management, a day-long, one-on-one meeting with the executive vice president, Bud Jefferson.
    Tom, desperate to find out what the meeting will contain, tried gathering information from his colleagues, however their explanations confused him. They mentioned a discovery that solves “people problems,” how no one focuses on results, and that something about the “Bud Meeting” as it was called, led to the company’s success.
    In the past month, Tom was always the first to arrive and the last to leave. He was making a point to outwork and outshine every coworker who might compete for promotion in the coming years. He was ready to meet Bud Jefferson.
    Arriving in the main lobby of the third floor, he was greeted by Bud’s secretary, Maria. “You must be Tom Callum,” she said with enthusiasm. “Yes thank you, I have an appointment with Bud at 9:00”. He was asked to wait in the East View Room.
    A minute or so later, a brief knock on the door and in walks Bud. They greet and shake hands. Tom sits across anxiously awaiting for Bud to start the meeting. Bud immediately opens up with letting Tom know he has a problem, a problem he had to solve if he was to remain with Zagrum. This knocked Tom off balance. Bud informed him that he was self-deceived. Bud told Tom that he was “In the box,” (pg 3) which refers to when people see others as the source of the problem. People who are “In the Box” view themselves as center of the world and others as objects. This type of behavior demotivates colleagues and causes friction and fault-finding.
    Throughout the interview, Bud teaches Tom a variety of tools to be able to detect and overcome these obstacles by learning how to keep him “out of the box” Out of the box thinking requires the person to see others as people, not as obstacles or competition. They can see others and understand their feeling, hopes, and needs. This behavior motivates the people that work for Zagrum.
    The point Bud was trying to make is that people can always tell when they are being manipulated or outsmarted. People skills take work and they are necessary because your peers can tell if you are sincere. Your sincerity makes it possible to deliver the hard messages, and still be an “out your box” leader. Instead of focusing on what people are doing wrong, focus on how you can help them improve so you can work together toward a better solution.
    Of all of the problems in organizations today, self-deception is the most common and most damaging. Bud has these interviews to prevent Zagrum’s leaders’ from creating these problems and to improve teamwork and morale throughout the organization. Self-aware leaders make for a happier work environment.

    Arbinger Institute (2000). Leadership & Self Deception

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  • Posted March 1, 2013

    Fabulous "new" way to be "the best you can be" and get the results you need!

    This book is founded on lifelong principles presented in a fresh new way.....positive reinforcement!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 21, 2012

    Excellent book

    This should be required reading in high school and college. There is so much content but it is not too lofty or theoretical. Very helpful. Will be reading more than once!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 16, 2012

    Great Addition for Any Library

    This book was very well written, I couldn't put it down and I despise reading. This book has opened my eyes to some of the faults I have as a leader in business as well as the leader of my family. I highly recommend this book to anyone. I will be reading this book yearly.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 14, 2011

    Highly Recommend

    This is one of the best books that I have read in a while. I just finished "The Anatomy of Peace". AWESOME!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 8, 2011

    Good Book!

    Easy read! Applicable in many situations...although it was a reqired book for my class, I enjoyed it and will use the knowledge gained in my work and personal life!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 4, 2011

    Fantastic book on leadership

    I have read this book several times. I just finished going through it with my master mind team and now I am taking my staff at my Chiropractic clinic through this book as well. It is a fantastic look at what makes us tick, when we are in it and how to get out of it if it isn't working for us. I love this book and will read it again and again.
    Dr. McFarland

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  • Posted March 31, 2011

    I Also Recommend:

    Priceless - Highly Reccomend!!

    Amazing! The Arbinger Institute's Leadership and Self-Deception has changed the way I view myself, those around me, and my general outlook on the future. Not only have I been inspired to be a better person, I have learned how I can become better; and in so doing I can inspire others around me to be their best selves. Leadership and Self-Deception tells of an inspiring story about a man, Tom Callum, that is consumed within himself and has tendencies to blame others for everything negative that happens in his life. Tom finds himself with a new company, Zagrum, at a very high level of management, and in desperate need of an attitude adjustment if he plans on staying there. The current executive vice president of the company, Bud Jefferson, is given the task of introducing Tom to the reason the Zagrum is so successful, it is known as the "Self-deception and the box" theory. The book takes us through a two day training where Tom experiences, not only a change in behavior or attitude, but a complete change of heart. This change of heart comes as a result of Tom learning that there are two ways of thinking and behaving, in the box or out of the box. ".success in an organization is a function of whether we're in the box or not and our influence as a leader depends on the same thing." As Tom learns the process of what the box is, how to get out of it, and how to stay out of it his personal and work life is changed. His nature is altered to view others as people not merely as objects used in achieving a goal. By the end of the book Tom is viewing his family and co-workers in a completely new and optimistic light, something which we all desire to have! Throughout the entire book I found that I was placing myself in Tom's shoes; it enabled me to become involved with the story, rather than feeling like a spectator on the sidelines watching it all take place. As Tom changed throughout the story I found that I too was changing along with him. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and highly recommend it to anyone who is seeking to have a better understanding of who they are now and what they can become in the future. Leadership and Self-Deception is a priceless read for those of all ages seeking to better themselves and their relationship with others!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 15, 2010

    Good look at why we behave the way we do

    I really enjoyed this book. It was presented in a thoughtful manner that made it easy to understand and easy to apply into real-life situations. Many of the questions asked by the characters in the book were questions I had as the story moved along, so it was nice to have those answered in the course of the book.

    My only complaint: I wanted to know how the business used the principles to measure results! Guess I have to read the next book now.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 25, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Mrs. Always Right

    My Dear Hubby said he knew he would marry Mrs. Right one day, but he did not know her first name would be Always. Well, he does say that joking but for a reason. I am very OCD and quite logical. Sorta a logical in a Mr. Spock kinda way. And even though it really helps me stay on track there is a backlash. You see I am a problem solver. Type A personality too! And in doing the things that come natural to me I tend to micro-manage too much. Then, of course, I become overwhelmed.

    I am now reading "Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box" (the 2nd edition) and am finding a few answers. Even though I do not work outside of the home nor in management, I find that there is many work principals that we use at home. I like learning how I can stop falling into the same traps and boxes. Where I do not use self-justification to get things done my way. Instead looking to see what truly will be best for the whole of the home. So, maybe? I can learn to be a lil calmer and still be that rational person. And dang it....I like being Mrs. Always Right anyway.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 2, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Abinger Scores Again!

    This is one of the two most important books in my library. It changed my outlook on life and brought new clarity in viewing my prolems in life. I use it in supporting and encouraging other people and I recommend it for everybody who needs answers for what is wrong and what to do about relationship issues.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 15, 2009

    This book opened my eyes. I can't say enough positive things about the book.

    When I started reading this book I thought that it was going to be just like any other self help book, but it wasn't. The author created a fictional company and led me into undertanding how self-deception can impact your family and work relationships. I have read this book several times now and am truly opened to trying to change. My relationships with my family and freinds has been positively impacted. People I meet seem to now be genuinely interested in me and this never would have happened if I had not read this book.

    I have acquired 4 of these books for my family and one coworker.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted July 31, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    The "Golden Rule" described in a new format

    An exceptional look at what the "Golden Rule" really means in how we live our lives and relate to others. A unique way to describe "Doing unto others as we would have them do unto us."

    Highly recommended for all of us frustrated with the self-centered nature of today's society.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2008

    Practical Applications of Key Leadership Issues

    This book will be valuable in teaching my Leadership classes. My teaching is based on self-knowledge, and this book hits the major issues head-on.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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