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Former QW editor and novelist Eisenbach (Loonglow, 1988) seems to have a lot going for her in her latest literary/comic endeavor. She has a firm grasp on the ins and outs of lesbianism—lesbian chic, lesbian sex, lesbian fantasy—and a subtle understanding of where truth and stereotype converge. Her subject she rightly if mockingly points out, is a source of fascination to the populace at large and heterosexual men in particular. Unfortunately, Eisenbach just can't sustain the humor that is the raison d'être of her book. Not that she doesn't have moments. She opines that S&M, for example, is an option "for those who don't receive enough sadomasochistic thrills simply by being female in any city in the United States, the corporate world at large, or certain department stores during major clearance seasons." And she provides alternatives to the standard altar-boy/priest paradigm, such as "First Lady/`friendly' journalist," "Republican socialite/Whoopi Goldberg," or "Anyone (except Madonna)/Camille Paglia." There are also some poignant moments in her "Woman of Your Dreams" series, where Eisenbach imagines various scenarios of women meeting women. In one, the woman of your dreams, at whom you've been staring, actually comes over to you in the airport, smiling, and in a devastating European accent asks, "Could you be telling me, em, where is this Delta Airline? I am must meeting my husband." Most of the time, however, Eisenbach's jokes are really nothing more than one-liners stretched beyond their breaking point. And the mock-instructional tone quickly wears on the nerves.
At best, some erotic/romantic moments and inside jokes for lesbian readers.
|Ch. 1||How to Be Homosexual||9|
|Ch. 2||Naming Names||43|
|Ch. 3||How to Pick Up Girls||55|
|Ch. 4||The Bisexually Challenged||73|
|Ch. 5||How to Have Sex||87|
|Ch. 6||How to Choose a Pet||119|
|Ch. 7||Heeling Your Inner Lesbian||133|
|Ch. 8||Social Skills||151|
|Ch. 9||Family Values||171|
|Ch. 10||How to Be Homosexual: The Conclusion||189|