Motivated By Pain

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Overview

He is naked in his bathroom. Fresh vomit stains his beard, hands, feet and legs. He cries uncontrollably - screaming, drunk as hell, with a good amount of Xanax, vodka, Soma and beer in his system, desperately wishing the pain would subside. He can't move. It's as if he is paralyzed. Perhaps he just wants to be gone? Not dead...just not living right now.

It's no secret that pain from a divorce can create intense feelings of shame and confusion. It can feel as though you're ...

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Motivated By Pain: Gentlemen, You WILL Lose Her Unless...

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Overview

He is naked in his bathroom. Fresh vomit stains his beard, hands, feet and legs. He cries uncontrollably - screaming, drunk as hell, with a good amount of Xanax, vodka, Soma and beer in his system, desperately wishing the pain would subside. He can't move. It's as if he is paralyzed. Perhaps he just wants to be gone? Not dead...just not living right now.

It's no secret that pain from a divorce can create intense feelings of shame and confusion. It can feel as though you're trapped, scared and alone. Too quickly in our relationships we run for the hills rather than sticking with our partner - till death truly do us part.

Motivated By Pain is a raw and emotionally-charged book in which Patrick Moore examines common personality differences between men and women, the raging battle of testosterone versus estrogen and the insurmountable damage stress can place on our relationships. Moore's story will make you laugh,
it will make you cry, but most of all it will make you think twice about the choices you are about to make...

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781463414627
  • Publisher: AuthorHouse
  • Publication date: 7/14/2011
  • Pages: 156
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 9.00 (h) x 0.36 (d)

Read an Excerpt

MOTIVATED BY PAIN

Gentlemen, You WILL Lose Her Unless ...
By Patrick Moore

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Patrick Moore
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4634-1462-7


Chapter One

NAKED IN MY BATHROOM

Art is never finished, only abandoned.

Leonardo da Vinci

I am naked in my bathroom. Fresh vomit stains my beard, hands, feet and legs. I cry uncontrollably - screaming, drunk as hell, with a good amount of Xanax, vodka, Soma and beer in my system, desperately wishing the pain would subside. I can't move. It's as if I am paralyzed.

Perhaps I just want to be gone? Not dead ... just not living right now. I hang my head, desperately wishing the pain would end. Just give me thirty seconds to breathe, for Christ's sake, to catch my breath. I grab my chest. Why the fuck is my heart pounding like this? What is going on? What is happening? The walls move in on me. Fuck, why won't my ears stop ringing? My head feels like it is in a vice grip and I can't stop the pressure. A steady bead of sweat starts at my forehead, mixes with tears and runs down to the end of my nose to land on the floor between my legs. I look straight ahead, but see nothing. I have a blank stare, like staring at a fire. My body slumps over, exhausted. I need to get up. But why get up? There is no one there. Just try these other pills. They will help with the pain.

I crawl into the front room of a house that is in foreclosure, looking at memories on a wall of a family, my family, that is now gone. I am utterly crushed, destroyed. What did I do? How could I have fucked up my marriage this badly? Where the hell is my beer? Did I not screw hard enough? Is my horse not big enough? Am I not sexy anymore? Did I not earn enough money? What the hell happened?

I look at the pictures on the wall and see my older son, Austin, in a Christmas stocking. We took the picture when he was one. He is so cute, so precious. And then there is a picture of my little man, Hayden, with his little crooked smile. He is lying on a BIG red pillow we had in the middle of the living room. Both boys are so sweet and innocent. I miss them both so much.

Why are they gone? Who will hold them when they need Daddy? What have I done? They had no idea this was in store for them, nor did they ask for any of it. They are both precious and naïve angels who are now damned to a life of a broken home. I am from a home like that. I remember the nights crying for my mom. Why did she leave me? What wrongs did I do? Does my dad not like me? I am sorry I forgot to take out the trash. It sucks! The whole damn thing sucks!

Now, though, as a divorced parent, I understand better the answers to these questions. My parents never abandoned me. They did what they had to do to survive. I respect and love them both immensely.

This is my story. I'm a nobody from nowhere who feels a need to share. I will share with you the differences between testosterone and estrogen, as I have learned of them. I will also share the results of a personal, clinical study wherein I injected testosterone weekly for six weeks to validate its effects on the human body. I will also share with you how stress tears men and women apart. I will allow you in on my son's struggle with leukemia and how it created mountain-climbing stress in my marriage. I will share my mistakes, my life full of drugs, alcohol, theft and jail. I will share what I have learned and hope that you take to heart my sincere, true story and use it to avoid your own misfortunes.

I want to move your heart and soul as I share my words. Maybe you can save whatever it is that you need to save ... say what you need to say.

Is love enough? What is love? Lust? What is any of it? Why would a man who has never written a book try to do so now? The truth? I've got some shit to say. I have some people to call out and some lessons to teach - and of course, lessons to learn.

This book is meant to open your eyes and be brutally honest. These are events that have transpired in my life, mixed with true stories from many men and women. If you are pissed at what you are reading, then you need to continue reading.

A gentleman can withstand hardships; it is only the small man who, when submitted to them is swept off his feet.

Confucius (Mindy Hamilton)

Chapter Two

IS DIVORCE YOUR DESTINY?

A consistent soul believes in destiny, a capricious one in chance.

Benjamin Disraeli

During my many conversations with countless people over the past twenty years, one of the most profound was with a young woman who shared the following with me: "What if divorce is your destiny, Patrick?"

"Lame!" I said, as I laughed out loud. But now, after the feeling is gone, after the anger and suffering are gone, I look at that again and think, "What if? What if divorce was my destiny?" At the time, I disagreed vehemently, as I did not want to believe divorce could be an acceptable resolution to my marriage. "Did I get into a marriage that was condemned to failure?" Yes, I am sure I did.

As a twenty-nine year old man I lacked any skills to be a husband. It was only after I lost my wife that I decided to read books on marriage, relationships, etc. While I was married, I did read two books a week, but they were on business. Obviously, my priorities were not in line with my true identity. See, I am a family man first. I honored and cherished my family immensely. The problem was that I lacked the appropriate skills to be a successful member of a family.

One of the members of my gym, a wise woman, shared with me that she was going through her own relationship challenges, all while we were burning calories and eliminating stress on the treadmill. Her concerns were with her boyfriend and not a spouse, but she carried the same basic relationship quandaries.

As she graciously told me a portion of her story, I could think of myself years ago in the stages that her boyfriend was in and thought to myself, "If I could only talk to him, get him to listen to me about where he is." I felt confident that I could help him to avoid the inevitable course of pain he was headed for.

Because I own a gym and have been a District Manager with a prestigious fitness company and a personal trainer for more than twenty years, I have heard every story out there! So this young woman's testimony was no different, but her pain was real. Her confusion, her sense of loss and anger were real. If only I could help. How could I help her and the vast number of people who are in the same boat? How could I get help to her boyfriend? I will write a book. That's crazy, Patrick. A book? Sure, why not? Right you are. Why not? So here it is, my medium of individual therapy, my book of service to real people with real problems in their relationships. I don't want to support only one, I want to help millions.

We move forward into our next relationship to discover our next lesson. So, could divorce be a destiny? Could I have been married only to learn lessons for my next marriage? Is that possible? I guess it depends on how and what we believe in.

For me, I believe in destiny, so I believe that my divorce was part of my life's journey. One thing is for damn sure - I will NOT repeat the same mistakes again. The smart man, who has a happy wife, has learned to cherish her, love her and put her in front of himself. This is one of many lessons I have learned, and I look forward to sharing them with you.

The only thing certain in life is change.

François de la Rochefoucauld (Heidi Anderson)

Chapter Three

A LETTER TO MY BOYS

Love and pain become one in the same in the eyes of a wounded child.

Pat Benetar

Austin, I am holding you in my hand. You weigh five pounds, three ounces. You are tiny. I can't believe how little you are. You have a cone head and I am afraid this is going to be its permanent shape. I am afraid to touch you, hold you. Daddy doesn't want to drop you or hurt you. Austin, you came to us three weeks early and you are kind of yellow. The nurse is moving you around rather abruptly and it is starting to bother me quite a bit.

"Would you like to hold him, Dad?" With my hands shaking, I reach out and take you as if every part of my life depends on it. I have my left arm under you with my right hand moving the blanket away from your face. Our eyes lock for the first time and I am hooked. You look deep inside of me and steal my soul, Son. I am happy and scared at this moment. Am I man enough to raise a man? How will I teach you? What did I get myself into?

Hayden, the doctor can't figure out why you won't come out! Your brother was a little guy when he was born, so you must be too, right? When you finally decide to be a part of our family in this world, you are nearly nine pounds. It is no wonder it took a little longer for you to be born. You are almost four pounds heavier than your older brother. With Mommy holding you, I look at your hands and I can't believe how big they are. They are bigger than Daddy's hands! Your body is strong and your little face is so cute. You are a little quieter than Austin was at birth (but you will become the LOUD one, I'm sure). I am so proud of you. I can't believe how precious and small you are.

Boys, I love how you smile. I love your perfect spirits and your precious little souls. When I was a little boy, like you two, I dreamed of being a daddy. I couldn't wait to play ball with you and read to you. I wanted to teach you everything I know (that won't take long). I am now watching you grow and become young men.

You are smart, handsome, caring and kind. I am proud of the young men you are and look so forward to our lives together. I am sorry that Mommy and I are not together. In life, Boys, things change when we don't want them to. I know it is confusing for you. Mommy and Daddy love you both very much and that love will never change.

This book is my legacy to you, Boys. Don't do things as I have done. Don't repeat my mistakes. Daddy lost Mommy because he wasn't smart enough to keep her. You always listen to your mother. Be a man. Be a husband. Be a father. Be strong. Be men of your word. Be humble. Be available. Be yourself in all of this ... and most of all, be happy and smile.

Life, love, and laughter – what priceless gifts to give our children.

Phylis Campbell Dryden

Chapter Four

MY PARENTS ... MY TEACHERS

Parents are the bone to which children sharpen their teeth.

Unknown

Parents are our boundary creators. When we lack boundaries, we lack direction. When we lack direction at an early age, only trouble lies ahead for us. I dropped out of school after the ninth grade. Why? Nobody stopped me. I began smoking when I was fourteen. Why? Nobody stopped me. When I was ten, I started smoking marijuana. When I was fourteen, I began using and selling cocaine, crystal meth and hash on a regular basis. Why? Nobody stopped me. I come from a broken home. I went back and forth between my parents for years. I in no way hold any animosity toward either of my parents, as I know in the deepest part of my heart they did their very best; and I respect them both very much for that.

My mom, from the time she was a little girl until she married my dad at eighteen, had to live with her alcoholic daddy. From the bathroom he would see men out in his truck that weren't there. He would yell at men he saw crawling up on the ceiling and would run to get the gun to kill them. He behaved in a lot of ways that were scary. One night, before Easter, Grandpa put Grandma in the bathroom and made my mom and one of her sisters go tell Grandma good bye because he was going to kill her. Then, he made them get in the car because he was going to take them to another sister's house, leave them, then go home and kill Grandma. Can you imagine?

I can remember being twelve years old, living with my little brother Brian and my dad in a two-bedroom apartment in Buena Park. I walked out front at around 6:00 p.m. and saw that there was a tow truck preparing to tow our car. My dad had been arrested that night after chasing down a cop. But understand this ... he wasn't chasing a cop. He was chasing his wife's predator, the man who had decided to pursue a married woman. Pain will drive us to make decisions that are not evidence to our everyday behavior. Like Tony Robbins says, "We are motivated by two factors in life, pain and pleasure. All of our actions are to avoid pain or to gain pleasure." How accurate is this?!

My dad is five feet six and three-quarters inches tall (people under six feet make sure to add the three-quarters of an inch to their listed height) and 150 pounds. I harass him about the last ten pounds he needs to lose, but he thoroughly enjoys his "occasional" Rocky Road candy bar. He has this wondrous smile with two front teeth that are kind of crooked. That smile will light up a room ... at least a small room. He has battled love and lost many a time.

I feel as though my dad serves as the perfect man for us to learn from. He has been married four times. It wasn't until his fourth marriage that he figured out what the hell he was doing. Now married twenty-one years, he finally got it right. And just as a point of interest, my mom has been married three times and on her third she got it right, too. If any of you out there need someone to walk you down the aisle, I am well versed and would make an excellent choice.

Isn't it just the way it goes, though? Got to blame Mom and Dad, right? It's as if I am at counseling again, tissue in my hand, listening to the waterfall music, talking about how my parents didn't love me or show me love and talking about how they screwed up my life. Truth is they did an admirable job teaching me. I did a poor job learning.

As kids, I think we all have issues with our parents somewhere along the line. As I have grown and become a man, I can better understand the decisions they made. I have a much better grasp on why my dad was gone at work all the time. I hated him because he would leave at five in the morning and not come home until around six at night. It wasn't until I became a father that I realized that a man, well, a good man, will do whatever is needed to support his family at pretty much any price.

I now work obscene hours to ensure my boys' happiness and prosperity. It is biologically imbedded into our brains to do whatever is needed and to provide shelter for our families at any, and all, cost. It is as if we are robots that know one thing better than anything. You have to say this next line in your head or out loud with a robot voice ... work hard and maintain your family's way of life. Say it over and over again until it drives you crazy - like nails on a chalkboard. Of the many teachings I learned from my parents, I am most grateful for their teaching me a great work ethic and a never-quit approach to any endeavor. Sometimes we cannot control the outcome; we can only try to manage our reactions to it.

A big part of the man I am, good and bad, is because of my parents. I feel it incumbent upon myself to talk more about dads, as we can be confident that, "If he's a good man, he has rubbed shoulders with another good man along the way." This is one of my favorite quotes from the book Boys Should Be Boys by Meg Meeker.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from MOTIVATED BY PAIN by Patrick Moore Copyright © 2011 by Patrick Moore. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword....................ix
Preface....................xi
Introduction I....................xiii
Introduction II....................xxi
Chapter 1 – Naked In My Bathroom....................1
Chapter 2 – Is Divorce Your Destiny?....................5
Chapter 3 – A Letter to My Boys....................7
Chapter 4 – My Parents ... My Teachers....................11
Chapter 5 – Brain Development – Yes, Ladies, We Do Have One!....................19
Chapter 6 – The Mortal Choice ... Family or Money?....................23
Chapter 7 – Love at First Sight....................27
Chapter 8 – Be the Man....................31
Chapter 9 – Let's Talk About Sex, Baby....................35
Chapter 10 – Gentlemen, You Will Lose Her Unless ....................41
Chapter 11 – Just a "Friend"....................45
Chapter 12 – The "Friend" Defined....................51
Chapter 13 – Husband and Wife Talk....................55
Chapter 14 – Let's Try Again....................59
Chapter 15 – Looking for Answers, Hoping for Truth....................65
Chapter 16 – Testosterone vs. Estrogen – What Kind of Sick Joke is This?....................71
Chapter 17 – Personal Clinical Study....................75
Chapter 18 – Conflicting Personality Traits....................81
Chapter 19 – Let's Add a Little Stress to the Marriage, Shall We?....................87
Chapter 20 – Just the Basics....................91
Chapter 21 – Traditional Wedding Vows, Yuck!....................97
Chapter 22 – My Boys, My Love, My Life....................101
Chapter 23 – That Sounds Familiar....................107
Letter I....................109
Letter II....................111
Letter III....................113
Chapter 24 – Wisdom from Those Divorced and Married....................117
Chapter 25 – My Final Letter to Her ....................121
Chapter 26 – To Get to Where We Want to Be, We Need to Break....................125
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  • Posted January 20, 2013

    This book is both humorus and heartbreaking. From Mr. Moore's t

    This book is both humorus and heartbreaking. From Mr. Moore's teen years, to a fairy tale marriage, to his 2 yo son diagnoised with leukemia and finally divorce. I laughed and cried throughout the book.

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