When Work and Family Collide: Keeping Your Job from Cheating Your Family

( 8 )

Overview

Is Your Occupation Also Your Preoccupation?
 
Let’s face it.  With all the demands of the workplace and all the details of a family it’s only a matter of time before one bumps into the other.  And many of us end up cheating our families when the commitments of both collide.  In this ...
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When Work and Family Collide: Keeping Your Job from Cheating Your Family

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Overview

Is Your Occupation Also Your Preoccupation?
 
Let’s face it.  With all the demands of the workplace and all the details of a family it’s only a matter of time before one bumps into the other.  And many of us end up cheating our families when the commitments of both collide.  In this practical book, Andy Stanley will help you...
 
• establish priorities and boundaries to protect what you value most.
• learn the difference between saying your family is your priority and actually making them your priority.
• discover tested strategies for easing tensions at home and at work.
 
Watch as this powerful book transforms your life from time-crunching craziness to life-changing success.
 
Includes a four-week discussion guide

Previously released as Choosing to Cheat

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781601423795
  • Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 12/20/2011
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 160
  • Sales rank: 350,076
  • Product dimensions: 5.22 (w) x 8.52 (h) x 0.43 (d)

Meet the Author

Andy Stanley is a pastor, communicator, author, and the founder of North Point Ministries, Inc. Since its inception in 1995, North Point Ministries has grown from one campus to five in the Atlanta area and has helped plant over thirty strategic partner churches globally. Each Sunday, more than twenty-five thousand people attend worship services at one of North Point Ministries’ five campuses. Andy’s books include Enemies of the Heart, The Next Generation Leader, How Good is Good Enough? and many more. He lives in Alpharetta, Georgia, with his wife, Sandra, and their children.

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Read an Excerpt

Joel Manby entered the work force with all the subtlety of a meteor entering the earth’s atmosphere. With an MBA from Harvard and tremendous leadership instincts, he was destined, it seemed, to move from one accomplishment to the next.

Growing up, Joel had watched his father work sunup to sundown plowing fields, mowing lawns, and working in a factory. But somehow the family never seemed to get ahead. With the opportunities Joel had been given to make a better life, he felt a responsibility before God to be a good steward of those prospects. In essence, he felt called by God to achieve his maximum career potential as a servant-leader in business.

And achieve he did.

Upon graduating from Harvard, Joel was offered his dream job—he was one of the first four people hired for a new General Motors start-up soon to be known as Saturn. As part of this groundbreaking team, Joel distinguished himself in the auto industry.

Fueled by that early success, Joel moved up quickly through the GM ranks. His skills, gifts, and work ethic made him perfectly suited for high-level executive leadership. He was destined for the top. At the age of thirty-four, he received an incredible offer to become the president of Saab Cars USA. So he left GM to take on a whole new level of demands. Joel excelled in his new position, and with the success came more responsibility.

Joel was soon put in charge of Saab in Asia, South America, and Canada as well. There seemed to be no limit to his future, but at the same time, there seemed to be no end to his frustration. You see, career wasn’t the only arena in which Joel had goals for his life. He and his wife, Marki, had dreams for their family as well. By the time Joel reached his peak at Saab, they had three daughters. While each of Joel’s promotions took them a step closer to reaching their financial goals, each demanded more of his time as well. Time that he knew belonged to Marki and the kids.

Marki embraced her role with the same tenacity Joel exhibited in the marketplace. She was committed to being a team player. She didn’t always like the hand she was dealt, but she accepted it and did the best she could. She held down the home front while Joel worked to build a bright future for the family. But there was always the frustration, the loneliness, and at times, the anger.

As Joel describes it, “I was traveling more than 50 percent of the time. There were car shows and dealer meetings all the time. And when I was home, I wasn’t really there—I had a latenight conference call with Japan or an early-morning conference call with Sweden. In my heart I wanted to be with my family. But I felt like this job was something I had to do. Our family had financial goals, and I felt like God had given me this talent that I should be using. And I viewed each promotion as his reward for a job well done. The truth is, I just couldn’t say no. Looking back, it wasn’t God prying me away from my family. It was me.”

One day, a close friend called Marki to wish her happy birthday. During their casual conversation, a wave of emotions began to surface, surprising even Marki. It was the second year in a row that Joel had been out of town on her  birthday. He hadn’t forgotten. He just had a job to do. And she had willingly agreed he should go. But somehow, in that moment, Marki was hit with the reality that the very things they were working so hard to achieve were slipping through their fingers with each passing day.

In yet another long-distance phone call, Marki confronted Joel with the painful truth that he was not being the husband or father she had signed up for. In the weeks that followed, Joel and Marki had many heart-to-heart conversations. As Joel began to notice the despair in her countenance, he knew he had to make some major changes. Fast.

“I looked at Marki, and she was bawling her eyes out,” he explains. “I knew that if I continued down this path, I was going to lose my family.”

Joel made a decision right then and there. He didn’t have a plan. He wasn’t sure how he could pull off the changes necessary to bring balance to his personal life. He didn’t know how he could disentangle himself from his involvement in the car industry. But one thing was certain: He refused to keep going in the direction he was going. Things had to get better. Little did he realize just how bad things would get.

In an attempt to regain control of his life and family, Joel left the international demands of the auto industry for the fastgrowing dot-com world. On the morning of April 4, 2000, Joel began his first day as the CEO of a well-funded Internet startup company, with high hopes for the future. By the end of business on April 4, 2000, it was a very different picture. That day’s market plummet marked the beginning of the stock market crash of 2000–2002, which caused the loss of five trillion dollars in the market value of companies, as well as the loss of Joe’s hopes for an easy answer to the challenges between work and home. In fact, two weeks into the new company, Joel found himself laying off two-thirds of the company’s three hundred employees. The emotional toll of firing two hundred people, combined with twenty-hour workdays, led to more sleepless nights. His first attempt to reclaim the life he wanted led to further distance from Marki and greater desperation.

The remarkable events that followed have had an incredible impact on Joel’s life. As he and Marki describe it, the aftermath of Joel’s decision to reorder his world was the clearest indication they’d ever experienced of God’s presence in their lives and marriage.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 8 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 8 Customer Reviews
  • Posted April 17, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    I read this great little book years ago when it was titled Choos

    I read this great little book years ago when it was titled Choosing to Cheat and have since told dozens of men about it. It's a great challenge for those of us who work and have a family and I was glad to see that it has now been re-released in paperback to hopefully widen it's reach and get into the hands of as many men as possible.

    Here's the deal men. Work is not sinful. It was part of the original plan and should not be viewed as a necessary evil. At the same time, working so much that you neglect your other responsibilities as a husband, father, grandfather, etc is not good. The family is a good thing too, created by God and to be taken seriously. Thing is, when you've retired from your job, your family is still going to be there. In a few short years, no one will stand around the water cooler at work and say, "Man, I miss that guy..." Maybe a few of them will, but you will be forgotten. In great contrast, your wife and children will remember when you weren't there, when you missed birthday's, anniversaries or soccer games and they will carry those scars the rest of their lives. I love how Stanly puts it on page 20 -

    ...both work and family originate with the same Source: God. He created them to peacefully exist. The tension between the two is understandable, but not unavoidable. Whenever there's destructive tension between two things that are designed to work together, it usually points to "operator error."

    Both are good. But when we sacrifice the family, long term, on the alter of the workplace, it's only a matter of time before things start to fall apart at home ¿and ¿work.

    I highly recommend this book to you but even more important, I highly recommend you study the Scriptures to see what they say about the institution of the family.

    ___________________________________

    "I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review."

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 2, 2012

    We all cheat, some just do it better than others!

    *This book was previously released as Choosing to Cheat*

    This is a great, timely book. Let's face it, we live in a society that values productivity above nearly everything else. Sure, we say we value family, but if most workaholics, er, I mean hard-working people were to develop a flow chart of how they really spend their time and with whom they spend it, the family usually gets the short end of the stick.

    Andy Stanley, the book's author, says it's time to make what we value in our hearts show that they value with the only commodity that really matters and can't be replaced--our time. Although this isn't a new topic, I like the perspective and angle he takes in addressing it--cheating.

    We all cheat. Some of us just need to learn how to cheat better.

    If the idea of "cheating" interests you, I suggest you pick up your own copy and start reading today.

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  • Posted April 13, 2012

    Challenging!

    When Work & Family Collide

    by Andy Stanley


    In today's fast paced world full of extra time wasters like facebook, video games and the like, families often find themselves stretched to the max trying to make it all fit in and still have a family. Work often takes precedence in a material and want driven world where owning the biggest and best requires debt and ceaseless hours of work to make ends meet.


    Stanly presents the idea that many families today are mssing out on God's desires because work often comes first and family gets the leftovers. He challenges readers to look for areas in life that can be cut out or left alone for a time, such as leaving work an hour early on occasion, skipping a golf outing or leaving dirty dishes, in order to spend time playing with your child or focusing on your spouse. Easier said than done in many homes, Stanley's suggestions hit home hard and force the reader to take a solid look at their own lives and consider the ultimate cost. What really matters in the end?


    An excellent book filled with life stories, this book is easy to read and challenging with God's love written all over it. A highly recommended book for every family!


    I was provided a free copy of this book for review through Waterbrook Multnomah's Blogging for Books program. I was in no way compensated for this review nor was I required to write a positive review.

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  • Posted March 25, 2012

    If I'm asked, "Who or what are your greatest priorities?&qu

    If I'm asked, "Who or what are your greatest priorities?" I'll give the "right" answer - God, JD, Moon, of course. What else would they be? Work? No. Housekeeping? Get real. Facebook? As IF. But when the question becomes, "If I took a look at how you spend your TIME, what would I see as your greatest priority?", things get a little bit less clear.

    But I have to work!

    Don't I have to keep my house clean??

    I just want a few minutes to check in with old friends, is that too much to ask?

    A few weeks ago, I was sent Andy Stanley's new book, When Work and Family Collide. In it, Andy tackles that very subject. He writes:

    *Reprioritizing your world around your family is not just a good idea; it's a God idea. As a Christian, I don't think I have any options when it comes to establishing my priorities. To ask my family to take the leftovers is more than insensitive. It flies in the face of everything we're taught in the New Testament about the family. Nowhere in Scripture are you commanded to lay down your life for your stock options. Or to love your career like Christ loved the church. We're instructed to Do our jobs and LOVE our families (see Colossians 3:323). When you love your job and do your family, you've not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you've stepped outside the will of God.*

    Wow. I loved this book for so many reasons. Andy Stanley is a great communicator and it was easy to read. He tells stories to illustrate the issue, gives tools to help prioritize, and all of it is under girded by scripture. I want to buy this book and give it to just about every working person I know!

    Take a look at YOUR schedule and ask yourself what it says about your priorities. Then go here to buy Andy's book. You won't regret it.

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  • Posted March 2, 2012

    Protecting family time

    When Work & Family Collide by John Maxwell deals with a conflict most families can relate to, the use of time. In particular time spent at work versus time spent at home. When did life get so busy? I can find endless things to fill my time with. Work in particular is a tricky one, a very demanding one. One that supports your family, so in theory you do it for your family but it can also hurt your family. Balance is key for work and family. Andy Stanley walks you through finding balance. He does a great job in helping you see the priorities before you and the choices there are to be made. You do have the power to make a change; He shares how God wants you to make a change if work is cheating you of family life and God will and is able to help you. This book is filled with Biblical insight, real life experiences and sound advice. It is such a relevant topic in our fast paced, more is more culture. If you feel that work dominates your life and decisions, if you feel that you are unable to make changes in regards to this, if you see trouble in your family life you will want to check this book out. Maybe it isn't work that but a hobby or a friend or something else, this book touches on that and the principals learned can be applied to any number or time stealing areas of your life. This book doesn't pretend that the changes will be easy but it does help you see very practical steps you can take to start redirect your time to your family.

    I received a copy of this book from WaterBrook and Multnomah publishing for the purpose of this review.

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  • Posted February 13, 2012

    Choosing to cheat

    Have you ever said that there isn't enough hours in the day to get everything done? With all the demands of the workplace and your responsibilities at home, it is only a matter before there is a collision. This is more than a time management book, it shows how to re-prioritize your life. We say our families are important but do we actually make them a priority?

    Author Andy Stanley is not only a father but he pastors one of the largest churches in America, so he personally knows the tension between the workplace and home. He will show you the principle that can transform your life.

    Author John Maxwell says this in the book's foreword: "Every couple, every parent, and every leader needs to read this book and consider the question: Who wins when family and work collide?"


    "I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review."

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 27, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    When Work and Family Collide by Andy Stanley

    Andy Stanley is an author, speaker and the senior pastor of North Point Community Church, Buckhead Church, and Browns Bridge Community Church. He also founded North Point Ministries, which is a worldwide Christian organization. He is also the son of famous TV preacher Charles Stanley.

    When Work & Family Collide is actually a reprint of an earlier book titled Choosing to Cheat (which is a terrible title if you ask me, it sounds like it's marketed to men who choose to cheat on their spouses).

    However, "cheating" is a major theme in this book - but a different kind of "cheating." There is so much that competes for our time: work, family, church, hobbies, fitness., housekeeping, socializing, sleep (if you're lucky). But with only 24 hours in each day, there is no way that we can fit everything in. And so what we "choose to cheat" on is what we say is important to us.

    We all love our families, but the challenges of work and career sometime deplete us so that there is not enough of us to go around - or at least not enough "quality" from us.

    When you come home an hour early from work, miss a round of golf, or let the dishes sit while you play with your child, you make your family feel valued and secure. Stanley helps the reader see how they can restore the vision of what really matters in life- and guides the reader in making courageous decisions about how they spend their time.

    Using the story of Daniel in the bible, Stanley breaks the book into two portions, the first is identifying the problem and the second portion for advice and encouragement.

    Stanley certainly provides good advice here that is applicable to the average workforce. He does a good job identifying a key problem in the world today. I also think he does a good job arguing a case for a stronger relationship be built in the home. One of the things he says that strikes home is that "there are literally thousands of people in the world who can do your job better than you, but there is nobody who can take your place in your family."

    This is a great book for underlining, a wonderful book for reading and well recommended.

    I received his latest book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 13, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

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