8 Lessons We Learned from How to Be a Heroine

Part memoir, part trip down literary memory lane, How to Be a Heroine is the book every reader wishes they had written: the story of a life told through the books you love. As Ellis looks back at the characters that have inspired her, she gives us more than just a killer reading list. She shares what she’s learned from her favorite stories. Here are some of my favorite lessons from How To Be a Heroine. Hey, Ellis, I think you can officially count yourself among my own personal group of heroines now!
Sometimes a fairytale “princess” ending isn’t the best thing for a heroine to be
As a child, Ellis loved fairy-tale heroines like Sleeping Beauty and the Little Mermaid, but another read shows that their “happily ever afters” weren’t so great. Sleeping Beauty is assaulted by a passing king, and the Little Mermaid is rejected by her prince and turned into seafoam. Uhm, you can keep your fairytale endings.
Sometimes heroines have to defy familial expectations to find their happy endings
Ellis constantly felt pressured by her family to marry a nice Jewish boy they could approve of, so she sought out more rebellious heroines. Pride and Prejudice‘s Lizzy Bennet refuses to marry a man she doesn’t love or who doesn’t respect her, even though she knows her family needs her to marry well. She ends up finding love by refusing to settle.
A heroine can (and should) break out of the role of a lady
Scarlett O’Hara may start out as a classic southern belle, but she gets tough when she needs to. As Ellis risks the wrath of her family to study away from home, she turns to Scarlet for inspiration in breaking free from the ladylike role she’s expected to play. A heroine should do what isn’t expected of her, including refusing to be the lady society wants her to be.
Heroines have to believe in themselves before they can believe in anything else
As a teenager, Ellis dated an Orthodox Jewish boy who wanted her to embrace his religion, even though it wasn’t exactly what she wanted. Luckily she had Franny and Zooey to show her that, while spirituality can be wonderful, it shouldn’t take over your life and sense of self.
Heroines don’t have to suffer to prove they’re women
Heroines like Sylvia Plath’s Esther Greenwood (and, of course, Plath herself) make it seem as though real heroines, and therefore real women, become who they are through suffering. But this idea is pretty messed up. You don’t have to suffer to have an interesting or exciting life.
Being a heroine isn’t just about finding romantic love, it’s about finding love in your work, too
Ellis does write a lot about love, but her heroines don’t just find their joy in romance: they need fulfilling work, too. Just as Ellis turns to her plays for comfort, heroines like the ladies of Lace find just as much joy in their careers as they do in their love lives. And when things don’t work out romantically, they have their careers to turn to.
Not all heroines are the best romantic role models
Ellis brings us back to the “Catherine vs. Jane Eyre” debate, reexamining whether the love between Catherine and Heathcliff and Jane and Mr. Rochester is actually as ideal as she once thought. Neither couple has a love that’s super healthy—maybe think twice before using a great fictional romance as a relationship ideal!
Not every heroine needs a true love
Spinsters get a pretty bad rap in literature, so Ellis tries to find positive portrayals of women who don’t want (or just don’t get) a romantic happy ending. Lily of To The Lighthouse turns to her paintings instead of a man, choosing art over any attempts to marry her off. Not every story has to be a love story, and a heroine can ride off into the sunset on her own if she wants!