Your Path Is Like a River: A Guest Post From Emily P. Freeman

Wall Street Journal bestselling author and podcast host of The Next Right Thing, Emily P. Freeman provides a new framework for approaching the age-old question, is it time to move on?

My college years were spent learning American Sign Language so that I could become an educational interpreter for the Deaf. For years my time and money went toward that degree and then later, toward a national certification which required extra night and weekend workshops to keep my certification valid. I was good at my job and the plan was to do that work for a long time. But a few years in, the plan changed and the hardest part was letting go of using the skill I had worked so hard to learn.

When we find ourselves confronted with the decision to either stay in or walk away from a space, job, or situation where we’ve been, it’s natural we might be hesitant to leave especially if it means letting go of something we’re good at. We’ve likely built an identity and reputation around it. We’ve become comfortable with the skill, the routine, the processes, and the people. Plus, it feels good to be an expert. But what if the plan changes and you begin to reconsider the thing you worked so hard to get?

I submit we ought to add to every high school curriculum the training that nobody teaches but everyone needs: how to listen without an agenda, how to lead when you’re not in charge, and how to walk away from something you’re good at. Of course there’s nothing wrong with doing the things we’re good at. But being good at something is not a reason in and of itself to keep on doing it. One phrase I often come back to when making decisions, especially decisions that have to do with discerning what to do in work or life is this: just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it forever. 

If the time ever comes when we need to let those things go, either because of a choice we’ve made or a choice made for us, we don’t have a lot of teachers to show us the way. That’s one reason why I wrote How to Walk into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away. I wanted to provide, not a formula but a framework, for anyone who senses an invitation to make a change. If life were like a house, then every commitment, community, and vocational choice is like a room. What do we do when a room we’re in is a room where we wonder if we still belong? One obstacle that keeps us from exploring possibilities is that we are hesitant, unable, or unwilling to consider walking away from something we’re good at. It’s counterintuitive to make a shift, especially when a room where you belong is one so many other people would love to have access to, like a room of success, achievement, or status. 

But just because things changed now doesn’t mean we chose wrong in the first place. It doesn’t mean we made a mistake in our college major or that we were on the wrong path the whole time. Maybe these kinds of binaries are no longer helpful. 

Here’s to considering the possibility that our path is more like a river than a pond, one that flows and moves over the landscape of time. And when things change, it doesn’t mean we’re doing it wrong, it means we’re learning how to move with the current. I wrote this book for anyone who might be feeling the whisper of change coming and they aren’t sure what it will mean for their life. If the tendrils of transformation have started to creep into your vision for the future, consider if it may be time to be a beginner again. Here’s to responding to the sacred invitation to not be the smartest person in the room. Imagine the things we might learn.