Harry Potter’s Birthdays, Ranked from Worst to Best

I don’t want to exaggerate, but Harry’s twelfth birthday wasn’t fun. Dobby shows up, ruining the punchline to Uncle Vernon’s golf joke and dropping pudding on Mrs. Mason, while Harry could only watch in horror. Not only did Harry get in trouble, but he didn’t receive any letters or presents, because Dobby had taken them. All in all, this wasn’t one of his better birthdays. The best thing that can be said of this one is that nobody actually died.

Harry turns 15, yet not a single birthday card arrives. And honestly, if he had gotten a card, he probably would have thrown it across the room in a fit of teenage angst anyway. Nothing really fun or terrible happens here, no festive celebrations — but thankfully no chaos.

This is a milestone birthday for Harry. Turning 17, he becomes an adult wizard and gets a birthday celebration at the Burrow, but the party has a somber mood since Hedwig is killed just a few days prior. With Harry’s protective enchantments about to expire at midnight, anything could happen, and it does when the Minister of Magic shows up unannounced.

Here Harry turns 16 and nothing weird happens. He gets a small birthday celebration thrown by Mrs. Weasley and a visit from Dumbledore a few days later. Remus Lupin, Bill Weasley, and pretty much everyone else just wants to talk about Voldemort, missing persons cases and murder.

Although Harry’s 14th birthday is ignored in true Dursley fashion, he does receive cards — and FOUR CAKES from his beloved friends Hermione, Ron, Hagrid and Sirius. That’s a lot of cakes for one teenage boy spending his birthday alone.

If you think 13 is a lucky number, then you would know that this was indeed a happy birthday for Harry. Kid was doing his homework in the dead of night when he turned thirteen, but he got a few birthday cards, so by Harry’s standards it was downright delightful. This was also the first time Harry got actual presents on his birthday, instead of a half-giant kicking down his front door or a house-elf dropping pudding on people willy-nilly.

Yes! At last! The birthday to end all birthdays. The birthday none of us got, but all of us wanted. The birthday that changed everything. Pretty much the second Harry turned eleven (the timing on this was very impressive), Hagrid barged in, gave him a slightly flattened cake, and spoke these immortal words: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”
Think about the best birthday you’ve ever had. I bet it doesn’t hold a single floating candle to learning you are an actual wizard. No offense to other birthdays, but if no one tells you magic is real, gives your bullying cousin a pig’s tail, and then takes you to Diagon Alley, what’s even the point?