The 15 Best Percy Lines from Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods: Now in Paperback

In case you missed this companion to the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, including Percy Jackson’s Greek Heroes—written by Rick Riordan and beautifully illustrated by John Rocco—when it was first published in hardcover in 2014, here’s the scoop from the son of Poseidon himself: “A publisher in New York asked me to write down what I know about the Greek gods, and I was like, Can we do this anonymously? Because I don’t need the Olympians mad at me again. But if it helps you to know your Greek gods, and survive an encounter with them if they ever show up in your face, then I guess writing all this down will be my good deed for the week.”
Not only is he quick-witted and likable, but Percy is also super-smart about all of this classic mythology stuff, presenting the stories in a way that’s both fresh and approachable. And that’s precisely what he does in his own funny, unique way in Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods with chapter titles like “Demeter Turns into Grainzilla” and “Zeus Kills Everyone.” Percy gives the rundown on deities like Hera, Hades, Apollo, Artemis, Athena, and even his dear old dad, Poseidon, among others. Plus, he offers up his own fresh and humorous take on the creation of the world in a chapter titled “The Beginning and Stuff.” And naturally, there are pop culture references aplenty.
Percy totally owns up to the fact that there are lots of different versions of each myth, and his telling is just one of them. And he acknowledges that he can’t possibly include every god and goddess in his roundup: “There are about a hundred thousand Greek gods out there. I’m a little too ADHD to include every single one of them in a single book.” But the hefty volume does a great job including all the major players in Greek mythology.
Check out our own rundown of who’s who among the twelve Olympians—with a few bonus gods thrown in—in Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods, along with the demigod’s own Percy-fication of each deity.
Hestia
Best known for: Being goddess of the hearth
Best Percy line about her: “Nobody else knows how to toast marshmallows just right—not too soft, not too crispy.”
Demeter
Best known for: Being goddess of the harvest and mother to Persephone
Best Percy line about her: “Try not to get too excited, because this chapter is all about the goddess of wheat, bread, and cereal. Demeter just flat-out rocks when it comes to carbohydrates.”
Persephone
Best known for: Being the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, getting kidnapped by Hades
Best Percy line about her: “She spent her days roaming the countryside with her nymph and goddess friends, wading in streams, picking flowers in sunlit meadows, eating fresh fruit right off the tree—heck, I’m just making this up, but I’m guessing that’s what a teenage goddess would have done before smartphones were invented.”
Hera
Best known for: Being wife and sister of Zeus and goddess of women and marriage
Best Percy line about her: “Zeus and Hera stayed happily married for three hundred years, which isn’t a long time for gods but is better than your average Hollywood marriage.”
Hades
Best known for: Being god of the underworld
Best Percy line about him: “His dark hair covered his eyes like one of those emo dudes from Japanese manga.”
Poseidon
Best known for: Being god of the sea
Best Percy line about him: “He could stir up hurricanes, summon tidal waves, and make a mean smoothie.”
Zeus
Best known for: Being the king of the gods; god of the sky, thunder and lightning, and law and order
Best Percy line about him: “You can’t swing a cat in Ancient Greece without hitting at least one of Zeus’s ex-girlfriends.”
Athena
Best known for: Being the goddess of warfare and wisdom, bursting out of Zeus’s forehead
Best Percy line about her: “In a lot of stories, Athena gives the Aegis to Zeus as a present, so it’s technically his; but she borrows it from time to time, like, ‘Hey, Dad, can I borrow the severed head of Medusa tonight? I’m going out with my friends.’ ‘Okay, honey, just bring it back by midnight and don’t petrify anyone.’”
Aphrodite
Best known for: Being the goddess of love and beauty
Best Percy line about her: “If Aphrodite is angry, she might make you fall in love with the most repulsive person you know, or a toy poodle, or a telephone pole.”
Ares
Best known for: Being the god of war
Best Percy line about him: “Ares is that guy. The one who stole your lunch money, teased you on the bus, and gave you a wedgie in the locker room. The one who breaks other kids’ bones in varsity football and makes a D- in every class, but is still popular because it’s so funny when he gives the scrawny kids swirlies in the toilet.”
Hephaestus
Best known for: Being the god of blacksmiths and craftsmen
Best Percy line about him: “He rode back to Mount Olympus on his donkey—which was really dangerous, because he could’ve been pulled over for DWI (donkey while intoxicated).”
Apollo
Best known for: Being the god of music, truth, and prophecy
Best Percy line about him: “He played a beautiful melody on the trumpet, then began to sing a cappella. ‘Oh I’m Apollo, and I’m so cool! La-la-la, something that rhymes with cool!’”
Artemis
Best known for: Being goddess of the hunt, wild animals, and childbirth
Best Percy line about her: “Once Apollo was born and started dancing and singing about how great he was, Artemis just stepped back and rolled her eyes. ‘He’s always like this,’ she confided to Hestia. ‘Seven months in the womb, he wouldn’t shut up.’”
Hermes
Best known for: Being the messenger of the gods and the god of travel and—according to Percy, anyway—cheeseburgers
Best Percy line about him: “He was Zeus’s personal FedEx delivery service, carrying his boss’s messages all around the globe with guaranteed overnight delivery.”
Dionysus
Best known for: Being god of wine
Best Percy line about him: “I saved this guy for last, because he’s likely to turn me into a porpoise if I say anything bad about him. And honestly, I’m not sure I can say anything good.”
Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods is available now in paperback.