Do not pick this book up. This book is extremely dangerous. It is also incredibly offensive. This book may even attempt to bite you when you’re not looking.
This book will make you think. And that is always a dangerous thing.
Do not open it up. Do not read it straight through at one sitting, utterly mesmerized by the thought-provoking, life-changing, paradigm-shifting content therein. The less you know about how to use your brain, the better, right? You should also not subsist on a diet comprised exclusively of junk food. That’s probably not particularly good for you, either.
Put the book down. Back away slowly. You have been warned.
This deliciously readable book deftly navigates the miasma of confusion surrounding our cognitive processes. Increase your brain power, and amaze your friends with the secrets of mind magic! Interspersed with humor, anecdotes, illustrations, and a gratuitous use of the word “banana,” this book will take you on a journey of discovery through mind and space. Using this book will help you cultivate your ability to make better decisions, ask better questions, and, basically, lead a better life. Written expressly for the layperson, the author suggests that, perhaps, lying down would be the best position from which to engage this tome. Other companion works include: The Dictionary, The Bible, The Complete Works of Shakespeare, The Chicago Manual of Style, The Incompleat Pogo, Groo the Wanderer, and Hop on Pop.