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CHAPTER 1
I know that everything and everyone has a season, so why when someone's season is over, do I weep instead of rejoice?
It was around one thirty in the morning when the last guest left. Sacha's husband had given her a grand surprise birthday party at the Waldorf Astoria hotel. It had been five hours of unparalleled fun and excitement. There had been two dozen of Sacha's favorite peach-colored roses on each one of the 250 guest tables in the Empire Room, once a famed nightclub at the Waldorf where many stars, like Frank Sinatra, had appeared. The room had been breathtakingly beautiful. The majestic decor of Napoleonic blue hues and gold trim with a twenty-one-foot coffered ceiling, antique French crystal chandeliers, and soaring arched windows had made Sacha feel like a true princess.
Sacha smiled as she recalled the evening. She'd been astonished as her guests bellowed, "Surprise, surprise! Happy birthday, Sacha!" Her husband, Steven, had beamed with pride.
Steven had escorted Sacha to their table and motioned the all-strings band to play their favorite song for a first dance. They had waltzed across the floor until Sacha was literally out of breath.
Hours later, Sacha still looked radiant in her ecru-and-gold-trimmed silk gown. She sat on the window ledge in the spectacular two-bedroom suite on the twenty-ninth floor, overlooking Park Avenue. Sacha, watching the Christmas lights on the lampposts twinkle, wondered if she had the nerve to end it all. She put her head against the window and sighed. The gaily wrapped gifts and stack of birthday cards couldn't erase the past week's episode from her mind.
"Don't jump. I want to be there to catch you." Steven approached her, smiling, with outstretched arms. Sacha couldn't help but wonder if Steven had read her thoughts. Sacha smiled at Steven and beckoned him over to her. They embraced affectionately, and Sacha thanked him for the wonderful evening. She looked into his deep brown eyes and whispered lovingly, "I appreciate you. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for still loving me after all these years."
Steven smiled and kissed her forehead. He untied his bowtie as he walked over to the Victorian armchair. Sacha watched him plop down in the chair, still fully clothed in his gray tuxedo. She knew he was tired. It wasn't very long before Steven started snoring.
Sacha moved off the windowsill and to the table. She occasionally glanced over at Steven as she continued opening her gifts. There were so many, but one package stood out. It was wrapped in the shiniest silver paper with an elaborate bow. Sacha reached for the package, and the card placed under the bow fell to the floor. Sacha picked up the gray envelope and couldn't understand why her heart was beating so fast. She hurriedly opened the envelope, and on parchment paper in silver ink was written a poem. The words circled her heart as she read.
I KNOW
I know He is the beginning, so why do I worry about the end?
I know He has forgiven me, so why can't I forgive myself?
I know He will protect me, so why do I fear?
I know He is my strength and my salvation, so why do I feel weak?
I know that everything and everyone has a season, so why do I weep?
I know He is the right way, so why do I go the wrong way?
I know He is the light, so why do I choose to walk in darkness?
I know that the truth shall make me free, so why do I continue to lie?
Sacha looked for a signature to see who had sent this timely message, but there was none. When she opened the gift, she was surprised to find a burgundy, leather-bound King James Bible with gold lettering, A Peretti gold-heart pendant on a Tiffany gold-mesh chain was put in the box as well. She picked up the necklace, watching the locket in the light as she strained to read the inscription. It said, "I have always loved you."
Sacha watched Steven sleeping. Did he give this gift and forget to sign the card? Steven was prone to carelessness at times. Sacha inhaled deeply as her tears fell on the Bible. The gifts were from Steven. Sacha had often tried to tell Steven about the affair but couldn't. Sacha imagined that Steven chose these specific gifts, and it was his way of saying, "I know what you have wanted to say to me for a very long time. I know what anxiety you are feeling. I love you, and we'll get through this. I will find a way to forgive you and move on. This party was my gift to you, a new beginning for us."
Holding the Bible reminded Sacha that salvation was possible. If Steven is willing to trust Sacha and give her another chance, she could love him again.
Sacha folded her arms as she rocked back and forth, embracing the reality of her agony, trying to dissect each word, phrase, and sentence that was so beautifully inscribed on that very simple card. The plush white carpet muffled her footsteps as she walked over to the living room and sat on the sofa for the entire night, replaying portions of her life. It was as if she was viewing a movie, taking the time to stop and rewind between scenes to reflect. It was a very long evening, indeed.
CHAPTER 2
I know I should live in the spirit as well as walk in the spirit, so why do I choose to live in the spirit but walk in the flesh?
On a warm day in early spring of 1995, Sacha was climbing the stairs with Tabitha, a coworker. She wasn't looking, and she ran into someone. Tabitha introduced him as Vince Monroe. Vince was about six feet tall. His skin tone was the hue of the sun setting, a burnt sienna. His hazel eyes looked at her so intently, and he sported a clean-shaven baldhead.
Before the hellos and nice-to-meet-you had left their lips, Sacha felt an instant connection. She could see Vince did as well. Her insides were electrified, sparks flew, and butterflies swam in the pits of her stomach. It felt magical, just like a fairy tale that leaves you enchanted for days. She felt at ease looking into Vince's eyes. It was as if she wanted him to know that he had been created special, and he deserved to be loved, truly loved. That moment had been locked into eternity and everything else that followed.
Tabitha was all smiles, telling Sacha that she knew Vince from undergraduate studies at Syracuse University. Sacha eventually found her voice to say, "Nice to meet you," and she went upstairs to her desk. She sat in her chair and quietly recaptured the image of the man who had made her feel something she hadn't felt for anybody else except her husband. Sacha went about her workday, pushing Vince out of her mind and recalling the tenth wedding anniversary that Steven and Sacha had celebrated a week prior.
Later that afternoon, Sacha was immersed in an advertising campaign for one of her large clients. When her phone rang, it made her jump.
"Hi, Sacha." Sacha knew right away it was Tabitha. Tabitha was the only one that accented the long A in her name. Tabitha worked with the sales team. She had a friendly, bubbly personality and knew all the office gossip.
Sacha was very busy and was not in the mood for small talk. "Hi, Tabby."
"Girl, Vince called me asking a lot of questions about you."
Sacha suddenly found it hard to concentrate, recalling those eyes. But she tried to sound calm. "He did? What did you tell him? Did you tell him I was married?"
"Yeah, but he nonchalantly responded, 'What does that have to do with me?'"
Sacha's palms became sweaty as she felt her breathing increase. "He sounds arrogant."
"No, he is a real nice guy. He was an ex-pro football player. He played for the Oakland Raiders. I went to school with him. He graduated with a BA in communications with a concentration in marketing."
"So is that what he does now, marketing?"
"Yeah, he works on the seventeenth floor as the director of integrated marketing."
"That's great. Tabby, I must get back to work. I have to execute an advertising strategy for the campaign I am working on. Thanks for the chat."
"You guys look real good together. I saw how you both looked at each other this morning." Sacha giggled.
"Tabby, would you stop? I am a married woman."
"Bye, Sacha. You should check Vince out."
Sacha giggled again. "Bye, Tabby."
"You guys can be friends, just friends. A little conversation has never hurt anyone."
Sacha giggled once more. "Talk to you later."
"I'll be waiting. Bye."
When listening to the dial tone became irritating, Sacha put aside her daydreams and hung up the phone. But she was still curious.
Two days later, Sacha was running to hail a cab to get to work on time. She missed it and turned to hail another. She anticipated a very productive day. She was meeting with a client to go over the advertising strategies she had developed to launch a new electronic product. Irritated that the second cab drove by without stopping, she turned to try to hail another one.
She couldn't believe her eyes. There was Vince standing on the corner of Twenty-Third and Madison, holding open a cab door and motioning her to come. As Sacha approached the cab, she suddenly became nervous. Girlish behavior overtook her. Unexpected things started happening, like her button from her fitted black linen skirt popped. Why was she so nervous? She felt like a young maiden in love. When Vince said good morning to her, she immediately felt seduced. It was the way he looked at her. They were both very quiet throughout the cab ride, but they sat very close to each other. The cab ride seemed awfully long until Sacha heard Vince ask, "Do you live in the Gramercy Park area?"
"Yes, I do, but I also have a home in upper Westchester."
"Really?"
"And where do you live?"
"I am your next-door neighbor."
"You're full of jokes this morning." Nervously, they both laughed.
Sacha turned to the window and was lost in her thoughts. Is he really my next-door neighbor? Does he live in the same co-op building as me? Oh my, how convenient. Sacha dreamed about exploding in ecstasy with Vince. She envisioned giving Vince a massage while he lay completely nude on his stomach in a lavishly decorated living room floor. She admired his taunt body. She could feel his passion rising. She was scantly clothed, sitting on his firm buttocks massaging his back and neck. She heard his barely audible oohs and aahs. Vince slowly turned his head and arched his back. She slid at his side. He positioned his mouth next to hers, closed his eyes, and kissed her ever so tenderly. She felt the wetness between her thighs and enjoyed the sweetness of his kisses. His kisses were long and passionate.
Sacha jumped and blushed when Vince said, "We're here." They had arrived at the corner of Forty-Second and Avenue of the Americas, their work location. As they walked into the building, they looked into each other's eyes with deep desire. She studied Vince's face and, without hesitation, decided that his honeysuckle lips would be his best feature.
Sacha and Vince had just stepped out of the cab, with Sacha walking just a step in front of Vince.
Sacha's heart raced when she heard Vince behind her saying, "I like the way you walk. You remind me of a gazelle. By the way, one of your buttons on your blouse is undone."
"What?" Sacha said, stopping. This blouse! The buttons on the back make it easy to miss, she thought. She turned to Vince and smiled coyly. "Would you please button my blouse?"
The thought of the touch of his hands sent shivers down her spine, but all Sacha did was increase her grip on her briefcase.
"Sure. So I had to dress you this morning, huh!" Vince said. Sacha admitted she was intrigued by his flirtatious suggestions, but she didn't let on. Sacha smiled back and said, "I don't think so. I dressed myself." She walked to her office without a backward glance.
Later that morning, Sacha received an email from Vince that read, "Life — Life is full of mysteries. That's what makes living so interesting. Why was I brought into your life? Maybe to enhance your marriage. Maybe to make your marriage stronger. Maybe to provide friendly companionship. But whatever the reason, I'm glad you came into my life."
Sacha was moved with deep emotion and was convinced that she and Vince would be friends forever. Though they had just met, Sacha felt strongly connected to Vince. She felt he should be in her life. She wished to gaze into his eyes and exchange stories about their experiences. She wanted to learn everything about him. She wanted to share days of joy with him, just giggling like old friends do.
CHAPTER 3
I know He is the right way, so why do I go the wrong way? I know He is the light; so why do I choose to walk in darkness?
It was now their morning routine to meet on Madison and Twenty-Third to ride to work together, and Sacha looked forward to their morning rendezvous.
She knew she was married and couldn't cross the line, but something about Vince kept drawing her closer to him. The flirtation was a nice addition to Sacha's daily routine.
One time, Vince said, "You're the one for me. I should've met you ten years ago. Perhaps we will be together in another life. You are the type of woman I need. You're so nurturing."
Another time, he said, "What would you do if I fall deeply in like with you?"
Sacha was taken aback. "I will never leave my husband."
But Sacha was thrilled that this man, whom she found delightfully attractive, was giving her the type of attention she desired from her husband. Steven was preoccupied with long hours spent at his office, playing golf with the partners at his law firm, and going on business trips. But she was just flirting. How could flirting be dangerous? It's just a boost to the ego, she told herself.
But as time went on, Sacha started treading on dangerous territory, as she started desiring Vince. She wanted more affection from Vince, more of his time, more of him. She daydreamed about him continuously, and knowing she was married meant there was a line that she couldn't cross. But it didn't stop her active imagination from creating the most erotic fantasies where Vince and Sacha would ravish each other with burning passion. In her private thoughts, she didn't have to worry about hiding her feelings. They were uninhibited and free. She reclined in her desk chair at work and imagined sitting in a Jacuzzi filled with soothing, lavender-scented bubbles with Vince. She pictured them returning from the nearby park where they would sit under a big red maple tree having an enjoyable picnic. They'd take turns reading Addicted by Zane, pausing between paragraphs to feed each other grapes and strawberries. They would then drive back to his co-op. The combination of the heat of summer and the heat of desire would make her feel hot and sticky.
Sacha say, "Vince, let's take a bath together."
Vince's reply would always be "Sure, get it started."
Sacha would in turn say, "Can you? I forgot my handbag in the car."
Upon returning from the car that was parked in the underground garage back to Vince's duplex co-op, the stillness in the air would intoxicate her. Mysteriously, Sacha would call out, "Vince? Vince, where are you?"
"I'm here, up here."
As she would walk up the stairs, she'd see Vince immersed in a tub filled with bubbles. Thrilled, she would immediately take off her white shorts and pink top. She'd stand in the middle of the bathroom floor with her hot-pink bra-and-panty set. She would want Vince to admire the color against her honey skin tone. She'd want him to admire her sculpted body and the way the lace thong accentuated her behind. She would slowly take off her bra and then her panties as if she were doing a striptease. She'd provocatively put her legs in the water. She would then bend over and kiss Vince on the forehead. She'd sit in the tub facing Vince. It would feel a bit awkward, so she would wrap her legs around his waist. He would sit up from his reclining position. They'd embrace and kiss each other as though it was their last. She would feel his heart beating uncontrollably. Her own heartbeat would be fast and steady. She'd want to be engulfed in his love. He would kiss her breasts, cupping both of her 36B twins in his hands while he'd lick around her areola.
Helplessly, she would whisper, "Please take me."
"Where should I take you?"
She'd dreamily look at him and hold his penis. "Take me where I have never been before."
He would have already placed a condom on the side of the tub so it would be easily accessible. He'd slip the condom on his erect penis, and she would climb on top of him. The water would splash about as his deep penetration would release their combined love juices.
Sacha knew she was headed for disaster when she became consumed with wanting to actually make her sexual daydreams about Vince a reality. Sacha was going out of her mind, lusting after Vince. Was this love or was Sacha confusing sex and love?
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "All in My Head"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Sonja Senhouse.
Excerpted by permission of iUniverse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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