And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready

by Meaghan O'Connell

Overview

A raw, funny, and fiercely honest account of becoming a mother before feeling like a grown up.

When Meaghan O'Connell got accidentally pregnant in her twenties and decided to keep the baby, she realized that the book she needed — a brutally honest, agenda-free reckoning with the emotional and existential impact of motherhood — didn't exist. So she decided to write it herself.

And Now We Have Everything is O'Connell's exploration of the cataclysmic, impossible-to-prepare-for experience of becoming a mother. With her dark humor and hair-trigger B.S. detector, O'Connell addresses the pervasive imposter syndrome that comes with unplanned pregnancy, the fantasies of a "natural" birth experience that erode maternal self-esteem, post-partum body and sex issues, and the fascinating strangeness of stepping into a new, not-yet-comfortable identity.

Channeling fears and anxieties that are still taboo and often unspoken, And Now We Have Everything is an unflinchingly frank, funny, and visceral motherhood story for our times, about having a baby and staying, for better or worse, exactly yourself.

Smart, funny, and true in all the best ways, this book made me ache with recognition." — Cheryl Strayed

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780316393850
Publisher:	Little, Brown and Company
Publication date:	04/16/2019
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Meaghan O'Connell's writing has appeared in New York Magazine, Longreads, and The Billfold, where she was an editor. She lives in Portland, OR, with her husband and young son. 

Table of Contents

Baby Fever 3

Holding Patterns (1 to 41.5) 36

A Birth Story 70

Sleepless Nights 114

A Certain Kind of Mammal 129

Slacker Parent 147

Maternal Instincts 163

Dry Spell 179

Extra Room (1 to 26) 200

What People are Saying About This

Author-The Empathy Exams and The Recovery - Leslie Jamison

"The candor of Meaghan O’Connell’s voice—at once tender and brutal—offers the glorious surge of recognition that comes from hearing stories told without varnish or apology. Every time I return to her words I feel simultaneously terrified and consoled—that sure signal that I am in the presence of the truth."

Editorial Reviews

"This honest, neurotic, searingly funny memoir of pregnancy and childbirth is a welcome antidote in the panicked-expectant-mothers canon — though its gripping narrative will appeal to nonparents, too."—New York Times Book Review, Editors' Choice

"Meaghan O'Connell writes with bracing clarity about the milk-soaked days of pregnancy and early parenthood, and I (truly) laughed and cried reading her account of crossing the great human divide. The biggest compliment of all: I used several hours of daylight childcare hours reading this book, just because I didn't want to put it down."—Emma Straub, New York Times bestselling author of Modern Lovers

"Smart, funny, and true in all the best ways, this book made me ache with recognition of what it felt like to be a new mom (and a human)."—Cheryl Strayed

"A stunningly insightful book."—Lydia Kiesling, The Millions

"The harrowing, hilarious, totally honest account of parenthood we've all been waiting for. O'Connell's story is compulsively readable for parents and non-parents alike, as much about being young and unprepared for life as bringing another human into this chaotic world."—Sarah Gerard, author of Sunshine State

"As someone who hopes to have kids someday, but has no idea what that might mean, reading this book felt like getting the first honest glimpse into that world after a lifetime of clichés."—Julie Buntin, authorof Marlena

"As any parent knows, having a child is akin to detonating a tiny bomb in the middle of your otherwise wonderful life. O'Connell is fearless when negotiating the mess and magic of such difficult terrain, the place where fantasy goes to die and a genuine adult must rise in its stead (and function perfectly on no sleep). And Now We Have Everything is like the very best conversations, the ones you have in lowered tones at the back of a smoky bar with a trusted friend-funny, dark, and threaded with just the right amount of hope."—CynthiaD'Aprix Sweeney, New York Timesbestselling author of The Nest

"And Now We Have Everything shows how the most normal thing in the world - having an ordinary, healthy baby after an ordinary, healthy pregnancy - means being visited with all possible extremes of pain, fear, and love. O'Connell renders this normal and horrific experience real, in both emotional sweep and brutal particulars. The question she asks is simple: What is it like? And this joyous, useful, grim book tells it straight: 'F****** awful.'"—NPR

"It's impossible to praise this book without realizing how the words we use to describe prose often originate in the words we use to describe the experiences of the body: laid bare, warm, ecstatic, brutal. And Now We Have Everything is a stark reminder of the beating, breakable hearts of the world's mothers."—AlanaMassey, author of All the Lives I Want

"Meaghan O'Connell's writing hasmeant everything to me as I've navigated the identity-warping maze of earlymotherhood. She is the most honest, funny, gifted, natural storyteller, and sheshares her experiences generously and unsparingly, in a way that I hope willgive her readers permission to feel all kinds of different ways about their ownexperiences, without shame, without self-hate, without regret, and withoutfear."—Emily Gould, author of Friendship

"For every What to Expect When You're Expecting (and its ilk), there should be a What to Expect When You Weren't Expecting. But, strangely, there isn't, so Meaghan O'Connell has committed her experience of accidental pregnancy and motherhood to the page."—Elle

"I began And Now We Have Everything on a Friday evening and was finished with it by Saturday afternoon—and that was with house guests to entertain and two children to keep alive! Meaghan O'Connell's honesty, humor, vulnerability, and willingness to explore motherhood in all of its messy complexities made me feel understood in a way few books do. I never wanted it to end. A necessary, brilliant debut."—Edan Lepucki, New York Times bestselling author of California and Woman No. 17

"O'Connell's honest, heartbreaking, and hilarious book about motherhood and identity is unlike anything I've ever read. And Now We Have Everything is a smart, tell-it-like-it-is essay collection from a much-needed voice."—Esmé Weijun Wang, author of The Border of Paradise

"Stripping away the mythical fantasies of motherhood, O'Connell delivers a poignant and funny look at what it means to be a parent in our current time. The warts-and-all examination is powerful reading for anyone with or without kids."—Esquire

"Equal parts anthropology and autobiography, And Now We Have Everything is a rigorous and thoughtful debut (and funny, let's not forget funny) from a fiercely intelligent writer. Meaghan O'Connell has done a great service to new moms and dads: showing that anxiety and humiliation are a part of being a parent, and best confronted with humor and honesty."—RumaanAlam, author of Rich and Pretty

"The kind of book I wished for when I was pregnant. Pulling no punches, the writing is blunt, honest...This should be required reading that your doctor hands you after you see the two pink lines on the pregnancy test."—BookRiot

"Part memoir, part guidebook, And Now We Have Everything captures all the fears and anxieties mothers-to-be have, but still aren't allowed to say out loud. Smart, insightful, and searingly honest, Meghan O'Connell's exploration of motherhood should be on every expectant parent's baby registry."—Bustle

"Frankly speaking, this is a must-read for anyone with a mother, anyone with a baby, anyone who knows anyone with a baby - anyone."—Refinery29

"O'Connell isn't playing a birth story for shock value or sympathy here, nor is she doing the written equivalent of shoving cute baby pictures into strangers' faces. She's cracking open her experience, analyzing the pieces, and gluing the resulting discoveries back together with perspective and artistry. To do so is an act of generosity."—LitHub

"And Now We Have Everything isn't a book of parenting advice, but a story of the unvarnished reality of what becoming a mother meant to one woman. And for me, that's a survival guide."—Rae Nudson, Electric Literature

"And Now We Have Everything stretches beyond the well-worn narrative grooves of the delivery room, although O'Connell's keen observational acuity throughout those pivotal scenes is nothing short of a blessing...I am, of course, slightly bitter I didn't have this book three years ago as I stared down the barrel of motherhood myself-but I'm happy to do my due diligence, and pass it on to other moms-to-be in need."—Carla Bruce-Eddings, The Rumpus

"[O'Connell's] account is energised by her devotion to revealing the truth... Her book is a testament, a gift to mothers who might want their realities confirmed, as well as to everyone else."—R. O. Kwon, The Guardian

From the Publisher

For all the Google docs you share, baby books you buy and delivery plans you make, childbirth is an experience for which you will never be truly prepared. Meaghan O'Connell's And Now We Have Everything makes this abundantly clear—and, as a result, is the only baby-themed book that has yet offered me actual solace. This is due in large part to the fact that O'Connell offers no advice. She doesn't recommend certain carriers or protein-rich diets, nor does she feel compelled to tell you how pregnancy and motherhood ought to be. Rather, hers is a completely honest, often neurotic and searingly funny memoir of her pregnancy and childbirth…And Now We Have Everything is a welcome antidote in the panicked-expectant-mothers canon—though its fast-paced and gripping narrative will appeal to nonparents, too. Read this, I'll reply in the future when friends ask me for my pregnancy Google docs. It will make you feel less alone.

The New York Times Book Review - Isabel Wilkinson

Meaghan O’Connell’s memoir is funny, raw, and engrossing, and her narration makes her conversational writing sound even more intimate and personal. O’Connell was recently engaged, living in Brooklyn, and hard at work building her writing career when she got pregnant. The unplanned and uncomfortable pregnancy was followed by a traumatic birth. The struggles that followed—exhaustion, lack of sex drive, complicated feelings about parenthood and work, and more—will be familiar to new parents everywhere. Her voice has a hint of vocal fry—a generational marker that makes it sound especially authentic and familiar. Listening to this book is like sitting down with a smart, wry friend. E.C. © AudioFile 2018, Portland, Maine

JULY 2018 - AudioFile

Meaghan O’Connell’s memoir is funny, raw, and engrossing, and her narration makes her conversational writing sound even more intimate and personal. O’Connell was recently engaged, living in Brooklyn, and hard at work building her writing career when she got pregnant. The unplanned and uncomfortable pregnancy was followed by a traumatic birth. The struggles that followed—exhaustion, lack of sex drive, complicated feelings about parenthood and work, and more—will be familiar to new parents everywhere. Her voice has a hint of vocal fry—a generational marker that makes it sound especially authentic and familiar. Listening to this book is like sitting down with a smart, wry friend. E.C. © AudioFile 2018, Portland, Maine

JULY 2018 - AudioFile

2018-02-20
Navigating the ups and downs of being a new mother.O'Connell and her partner, Dustin, were contemplating marriage, but the idea of having a child was the farthest thing from both their minds. They had careers to advance, books to write, and other things to do with their lives; there was no time for a kid. Then she got pregnant. Like many soon-to-be moms, O'Connell read everything she could find on pregnancy, childbirth, and breast-feeding, but nothing prepared her for the actual events as they unfolded. In this compact narrative, the author begins slowly, telling her backstory and working through the "wow, I'm pregnant" stage of telling her friends and adjusting to her body as it changed over the months. She incorporates humor and honesty, but this part of the story will feel overly familiar to many readers. Then the prose shifts as she recounts the birth itself. Suddenly, the writing becomes more visceral and dynamic, and she shares the very intimate details of what it was like to spend 40 hours in labor. The author's engaging tone continues with her discussions of the real feelings she had about her body after pregnancy, her trials with breast-feeding, the resentment she felt toward Dustin, who seemed to be a better parent than she was, and the lack of sexual desire she experienced for months after the birth. For current mothers, the author's story will resonate deeply. For any woman contemplating having a child, O'Connell provides an accurate depiction of what it can feel like to be a new mom, both physically and emotionally. For men who want to know and understand what being a mother is like, this book should prove useful.A well-written book that provides refreshingly candid insight into the physical and emotional changes that take place during pregnancy and early motherhood, times that are both "traumatic [and] transcendent."

Kirkus Reviews