Arffirmations: Meditations for Your Dog

Arffirmations: Meditations for Your Dog

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781466873032
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Publication date: 06/10/2014
Sold by: Macmillan
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 128
Sales rank: 1,015,448
File size: 7 MB

About the Author

Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman are the authors of Yiddish With Dick and Jane, Yiddish With George and Laura, How to Raise a Jewish Dog, and How to Profit From the Coming Rapture.

Ellis Weiner is also the author of The Joy of Worry, Drop Dead, My Lovely, The Big Boat to Bye-Bye, and Santa Lives! Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus.

Barbara is the editor, along with Liz Dubelman, of What Was I Thinking?


Ellis Weiner is the author of The Joy of Worry, Drop Dead, My Lovely, The Big Boat to Bye-Bye, and Santa Lives!  Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus.


BARBARA DAVILMAN began her career in NY in advertising and then went on to create a greeting card company, Bittersweet, that dealt exclusively with relationships gone bad. After that, she moved to Los Angeles to become a TV writer/producer. Along with her husband, Ellis Weiner, she co-authored YIDDISH WITH DICK&JANE, YIDDISH WITH GEORGE&LAURA, and HOW TO RAISE A JEWISH DOG. In her ‘spare’ time she writes and produces reality television and is the Los Angeles Co-Coordinator for Ridgeback Rescue.
Susan Burnstine contributed to Arffirmations from St. Martin's Press.

Read an Excerpt

Arffirmations

Meditations for Your Dog


By Ellis Weiner, Barbara Davilman, Susan Burnstine

St. Martin's Press

Copyright © 2008 Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4668-7303-2



CHAPTER 1

ARFFIRMATIONS FOR SPIRITUAL INSIGHT

* * *


I AM PERFECT AND AM TREATED ACCORDINGLY

I am one with the Wisdom that emanates in Love from the Power at the heart of Life. This knowledge makes me quietly secure in the awareness that I can accomplish anything I choose to concentrate on. Therefore I concentrate on being perfect. I do this, not only for my own sake but for the sake of others. When others see my perfection, they are inspired. They are uplifted. They give me a cookie.


WHEN I GAZE INTO THE MIRROR, I REJOICE IN THE ME-NESS OF ME

Purebreds resemble only one another. I, on the other hand, resemble millions. I look into the mirror to remind myself of this. I look to confirm that I am all dogs, and all dogs are me. I also look to see if I am getting any gray hairs. And each time I look, I am reminded that I am fascinating.


SIZE IS A STATE OF MIND

It is not that I am "small on the outside but big on the inside." I am small on the inside, too — but only physically. My heart is gigantic, my mind is immense, and my soul is huge. On occasion my enormous spirit feels cramped in this miniature body, and my expression at times reflects this discomfort. Still, I bear it with dignity. No single body, of any kind, can hope to contain a personality as vast as mine. When I give voice to this truth, some call it "attitude." I call it "living from the inside out."


I DEVOTEDLY PERFORM SPIRITUAL EXERCISES FOR THE BENEFIT OF MYSELF AND OTHERS

To the unenlightened, it may appear that I am begging. In reality I am practicing my practice. This posture is part of the sequence called "Salutation to the Sun." I assume these poses daily, usually in the presence of humans eating at the kitchen table. In this way I clear my doggie chi. I inspire those eating nearby to clear their chi by giving me leftovers. In this way we join together as One: pure, whole, centered, aware, and fed.


I AM PRESENT IN MY MIND WITH MY BODY, AND VICE VERSA

In the maintenance of my physical body, I have learned to adopt various positions to help my inner energy flow in the most life-enhancing ways. By crossing my paws, I balance the polarities of left and right. By thinking about my crossed paws, I encourage the rest of me to align along an axis of body consciousness. The same idea is behind other positions I assume, including lying on the bed with my head hanging off the edge, and sticking my rear foot into one of my ears.


I AM A PURE SPIRIT SO IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY MAKE ME WEAR

Looking within, I see the profound truth of the infinite soul that lies at the heart of my being. My essence is eternal and my wholeness is unique. Compared to this unquestionable reality, what do I care if they make me wear a silly pink outfit with a hood? Or that red sweater that what's-her-name crocheted, or even those reindeer antlers every Christmas? I am secure in my inner perfection.

CHAPTER 2

ARFFIRMATIONS FOR INTROSPECTION

* * *


I TAKE THE TIME TO REJOICE IN MY WONDERFUL WORLD

No matter how hectic my daily routine — from barking at the mailman to announcing visitors to licking myself for half an hour straight — I am never too busy to pause to appreciate my life. I lie back, take stock, and count my blessings. I reflect with satisfaction on how much I've grown spiritually and emotionally. I direct my awareness to the softness of the grass. I focus my attention on the beauty of the sky and of the foliage around me. And I consciously keep an eye on the squirrels. When the time comes for me to tell them where to go, I am always ready.


MY HAIR IS A GIFT I SHARE WITH THE WORLD

The wisdom of the ages is to be found in my coat's distinctive, tight coils. From this I derive my great intelligence. It is my obligation to go out in the world and share this gift with others. This is how I fulfill my Destiny. This is also how I "give back" — by allowing others to admire me.


I BURY THINGS SO THAT THE UNIVERSE CANNOT FIND THEM

Peace. Protection. Security. I obtain all these and more when I bury objects that are precious to me. In concealing their whereabouts from other dogs, humans, and, of course, cats, I affirm my authority over what is mine. Only I know their locations. These are my secrets. Secrets imbue me with mystery and importance. Secrets make me sexy.


MY WHEEZY SNORING IS THE MUSIC OF REPLENISHMENT AND RENEWAL

Mother Nature in her infinite wisdom has endowed me with a very big head, because I carry around very big thoughts. When my load of thoughts gets overwhelmingly heavy, I must sleep. It is then that I connect with the One Infinite Mind. It is all-knowing. It is all-seeing. It is all-hearing. It is all-smelling. When I surrender to slumber, I connect to that original source of energy and love, which restores my body and rejuvenates my soul. The noises I make while sleeping are the sound track to the movie that is my inner life.


I GRACEFULLY ACCEPT THE FACT THAT MY CUTENESS IS A METAPHYSICAL REALITY

I am fully aware that the world thinks I'm unbelievably cute. The human response to my adorableness (the cooing, the squealing, the gasps of awe) are the normal sounds of my environment. It is a condition I accept with grace and ease — just as those around me accept, with similar grace and ease, the sound of me incessantly yapping my head off for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

CHAPTER 3

ARFFIRMATIONS FOR ATTRACTING AND ACCEPTING FOOD

* * *


I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING, AND EVERYTHING WANTS ME TO EAT IT

In the cycle of Life, everything has a purpose. Food exists to be eaten. I exist for a purpose, too: I exist to eat. Humans exist in order to give me food, so that I can eat. Therefore, by expressing my interest in your food, I affirm my, your, and its (the food's) purpose, and our place in this World. You eat; I beg; you feed me; I eat. This is the cycle in which each of us (plus the food) has a place. We are blessed to be enveloped in this miraculous and splendid reality. So just give me the food.


I AM PERFECT EVEN IF I DID EAT THAT MUFFIN SOMEBODY DROPPED NEAR THE DUMPSTER

I am an omnivore. Nothing edible is alien to me, although I do not care for raw garlic, green peppers, or, of course, lemons. But the ice cream that has fallen onto the sidewalk, the Cheerios some toddler has spilled along the way, the French fries cast upon a parking lot — most of which maybe a car has run over — all are fit sustenance for me. I desire to consume everything not nailed down because I am free and my appetite is as large as the universe.


I SALUTE MY WONDERFUL, MULTIFACETED NATURE WITH WHATEVER I EAT

My diet expresses both my complex personality and what my soul hungers for. When I eat dog food, I demonstrate my need to connect with my ancestors. When I eat human food, I pay tribute to how much I love my humans, particularly their food. When I eat dead animals, grass, and dog poop, I glory in my desire to just gross everyone out.


AS A PREDATOR I MOVE CONFIDENTLY ACROSS THE FIELDS OF THE KITCHEN

I am a domesticated animal — but I am still an animal. My need for the hunt never goes away, and my methods remain unchanged over aeons. Only my quarry reflects my civilization-based lifestyle. Where I once, with my pack, pursued the deer of the forest or the bison of the plain, now all by myself I capture the hamburgers unguarded on the picnic table, the bagels displayed on a platter in the dining room, and the entire roast pork loin "resting" on the cutting board. Even when I spontaneously swipe the spaghetti and clam sauce when you go to answer the phone, I am engaged in, and one with, the hunt.


THE BREADTH OF MY TASTE IN FOOD REVEALS THE VASTNESS OF MY SPIRIT

Just as my soul is infinite in its scope, the range of my taste in food is without boundaries or limitations. It is for this reason that I pity humans, who will never know the delights and satisfactions of sampling used Kleenex or tampons. The universe of what I find edible is immense — and, like the physical universe, is expanding daily.


I DO NOT FEAR THE EMPTY FOOD BOWL BECAUSE I ENVISION AN ABUNDANCE OF TREATS IN MY LIFE

My empty bowl does not cause me panic. I am surrounded by a remarkable variety of resources from which I may obtain delicious treats. From the carrot shreds that fly to the floor during the making of slaw, to the stale baguette sticking up from the kitchen garbage can; from the pretzels left unguarded in the den, to the crusts of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich abandoned on the patio; from the single-serving little bags of Doritos I secure from the kids even while they are actually eating from them while playing a video game, to the broccoli they smuggle to me under the table during dinner: I live in and with abundance. My bowl may be empty, but my world is full.

CHAPTER 4

ARFFIRMATIONS FOR REPLACING FEAR WITH FAITH

* * *


BEFORE THE BATH: I COURAGEOUSLY FACE LIFE'S MOST DIFFICULT CHALLENGES WITHOUT FEAR OR ANXIETY

Within the self of my being, I am whole and complete. No one and nothing can affect that. Therefore I am not bothered by petty annoyances, such as having to take a bath. The disturbing noise of the water, the slippery bottom of the tub that my paws cannot get traction on, the horrible splashing of the unnaturally warm wetness all over my body — I experience these things and say to myself, Thank you, but I choose not to be petrified and nauseated. Instead, I concentrate on future opportunities to get smelly and dirty all over again. Thus I am at ease and unperturbed no matter where I am in the cycle of hygiene.


AFTER THE BATH: MY DIGNITY IS UNAFFECTED

This is not at all humiliating. On the contrary, my inner uniqueness shines all the more brightly when my outer coat is wet. That is why I stand very still when being bathed: I am deep in thought, focusing on how, when it is over, I will spread my distinctive "wet dog" smell to every room in the house. Thus, those who bathe me are themselves bathed in my very Essence and smell.


I AM UNTHREATENED BY LOUD HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES

This object does not frighten me — a fact I prove by turning my back on the device and venturing into the kitchen, where I help myself to whatever is within reach upon the counter. In this way I easily demonstrate that I am self-sufficient and able to cope with unpleasant cleaning apparatus. I am superb.


I RUN INSIDE AT THE SOUND OF THUNDER TO CELEBRATE SUDDEN EXPLOSIVE NOISES WITH INSPIRED WORKS OF ART

Why do I immediately run inside when I hear these unexpected noises? It is not to hide under the desk and tremble. On the contrary, I celebrate the sounds by dashing into the living room and banging into the coffee table. This, in turn, knocks all the candy out of the candy dish. The sweets make a beautiful pattern on the floor. With this arrangement of colors and shapes I express my inner feelings in an artistically gratifying creation that endures until, in a moment of reflection, I eat it. Then I spit out the wrappers into another artistically gratifying creation. In this way I am inspired by the thunder. I am one with the boom. I am at peace with Life, and with Life's booms, and with Life's candies.


I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY OWN FEELINGS WHEN THEY CLIP MY NAILS

I love my nails for the same reason as I love my tail: they extend my being out into the world. When, as sometimes happens, my nails are cut, I am diminished. My being is trimmed and my world is made smaller. But I take responsibility for reacting to this diminishment by eating certain select pieces of trash from the bathroom wastebasket and, often, leaving used dental floss all over the floor. This makes me feel whole and complete again.


I COPE SKILLFULLY WITH THE SOUNDS OF POPCORN BEING MICROWAVED

My ears are enormous and open to the universe. They hear everything, from the back of your earring falling onto the floor, to a petal dropping gently off a flower. But my great sensitivity can be a mixed blessing. When you microwave popcorn, it sounds to me like an automatic weapon being fired outside into a mattress. I respond by running back and forth in the den until the hideous din ceases. It is my way of reminding you that you'll need to stay on the treadmill an extra fifteen minutes if you want to burn off the result of that disturbingly noisy snack. I then regain my unshakeable poise.

CHAPTER 5

ARFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF-KNOWLEDGE

* * *


WHEN I DRINK FROM THE TOILET I CELEBRATE MY UNIQUENESS

Water is the very source of Life. I desire and require the freshest source of water available. Why should I confine myself to the stagnant pool of tepid liquid that sits, accumulating crud, in my water dish, when the toilet refreshes and replenishes itself many times a day? The toilet is my personal fountain, fed by the mysterious sources of water beneath the home and rising up from below the surface of the earth. I deserve nothing less.


MY SHEDDING IS AN ACT OF LOVE

Radiance. Spirit. Joy. These reside at the center of my Being, just as my Being is housed in my body. I inhabit my body fully, and my body inhabits my home fully. That is why I leave samples of my physical self for others to encounter. By shedding I announce to the world not only that "I was here, and fully present with love," but that "Even after I leave, part of me — equally present, equally loving — is still here."


I FREELY EXPRESS THE JOY OF MY DESIRES BY DROOLING

I am light, energy, emotion, physical spirit, essence, and, yes — drool. Drool is the manifestation of desire when in the presence of nourishing foodstuffs. When it dribbles onto the kitchen table until you cry, "Oh, gross!" or when it leaves a wet stain on your lap, or when you slip and nearly break your neck sliding on a slick spot on the floor, I know that I am doing naturally what nature intended.


MY INSIDE-OUT EARS SIGNAL THAT I HAVE BEEN CHASING MY TAIL IN AN ENDLESS QUEST THAT IS ONE WITH THE ETERNAL CYCLES OF ETERNITY

I do not chase my tail in order to catch it. The meaning of the journey is to be found not in the destination but in the journey itself. Therefore I chase my tail in order to chase it. When I am finished, my ears are inside out — a clear signal to those around me that I have undertaken my spiritual quest for the day. At those times everyone knows to allow me my "space" until I have recovered from the rigors of my inner discipline. When my ears fall back into their normal position, I may be approached and offered treats.


I RUN BACK AND FORTH THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM LIKE A MANIAC BECAUSE I GLORY IN THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MYSELF

I am a creature of Divine Love and eternal spirit. Sometimes I forget that. But when I remember, the thought ignites my soul with energy, and I dash like a maniac all over my home. The result? A throw-rug is doubled-up, a brimming wastebasket is overturned, and a beautiful, precious vase is toppled and shattered — all in honor of my joyous celebration.


I BARK OVER AND OVER FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND NEVER SHUT UP BECAUSE IT IS WHO I AM

I am at the center of the world, and I announce my presence to everyone and everything. Over and over. Without cease. Continually. Unbidden, unchecked, and unstopping. Who will proclaim my vital importance to all of existence if I do not? In this way I proclaim my love of myself and of my life to everyone in my environment.

CHAPTER 6

ARFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF-LOVE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE

* * *


I AM A SPLENDID AND SUPERB ALPHA AND IT IS OKAY IF I DESTROY CERTAIN PARTS OF YOUR LAWN

As an alpha dog, I am fully committed to my responsibility to pee on certain areas of grass or bushes in reply to the pees of previous dogs. When I do so, I ask myself, Is this justified? Is it really okay, this peeing on a patch of grass that has already been extensively peed on and is now a burnt brown color instead of a lush, beautiful green? But all I need to do is look within. There I discover the Inner Intelligence whose wisdom I always trust. It tells me, Yes. It is your task. Pee where you will. And I know that all is right in my world.


I DISOBEY YOU BECAUSE I FULLY LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF

Come. Sit. Stay. Shut up. I openly do none of these things when told to. Granted, it is your path to command me to do them. But my path is different, and need not require obedience to being bossed around by you on your path. I am on an endless journey of self-discovery through Time and Space, and I easily release myself from the obligation to validate the limitations that others would place upon me. I need not come, nor sit, nor stay, nor shut up, because I am magnificent. And it is because I am magnificent that you can deny me nothing.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Arffirmations by Ellis Weiner, Barbara Davilman, Susan Burnstine. Copyright © 2008 Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

A NOTE TO THE READER,
1. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR SPIRITUAL INSIGHT,
2. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR INTROSPECTION,
3. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR ATTRACTING AND ACCEPTING FOOD,
4. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR REPLACING FEAR WITH FAITH,
5. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF-KNOWLEDGE,
6. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF-LOVE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE,
7. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR ATTAINING ENLIGHTENMENT,
8. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR PROTECTION AND SAFETY,
9. ARFFIRMATIONS FOR DOG–HUMAN HARMONY,
ABOUT THE AUTHORS,
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS,

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