Awkward: The Science of Why We're Socially Awkward and Why That's Awesome

by Ty Tashiro

Overview

In the vein of Quiet and The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth comes this illuminating look at what it means to be awkward—and how the same traits that make us socially anxious and cause embarrassing faux pas also provide the seeds for extraordinary success.

As humans, we all need to belong. While modern social life can make even the best of us feel gawky, for roughly one in five of us, navigating its challenges is consistently overwhelming—an ongoing maze without an exit. Often unable to grasp social cues or master the skills and grace necessary for smooth interaction, we feel out of sync with those around us. Though individuals may recognize their awkward disposition, they rarely understand why they are like this—which makes it hard for them to know how to adjust their behavior.

Psychologist and interpersonal relationship expert Ty Tashiro knows what it’s like to be awkward. Growing up, he could do math in his head and memorize the earned run averages of every National League starting pitcher. But he couldn’t pour liquids without spilling and habitually forgot to bring his glove to Little League games. In Awkward, he unpacks decades of research into human intelligence, neuroscience, personality, and sociology to help us better understand this widely shared trait. He explores its nature vs. nurture origins, considers how the awkward view the world, and delivers a welcome counterintuitive message: the same characteristics that make people socially clumsy can be harnessed to produce remarkable achievements.

Interweaving the latest research with personal tales and real world examples, Awkward offers reassurance and provides valuable insights into how we can embrace our personal quirks and unique talents to harness our awesome potential—and more comfortably navigate our complex world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062429179
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	04/25/2017
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	290
Sales rank:	99,978
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Ty Tashiro, PhD, is the author of The Science of Happily Ever After. His work has been featured in the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time.com, TheAtlantic.com, and on NPR and SiriusXM Stars radio. He received his doctorate in psychology from the University of Minnesota, has been an award-winning professor at the University of Maryland and University of Colorado, and has addressed TED@NYC, Harvard Business School, MIT’s Media Lab, and the American Psychological Association. He lives in New York City.

Table of Contents

Preface xiii

Part I So This is Awkward

1 What Does It Mean to Be Awkward? 3

Our Fundamental Need to Belong 8

We All Have Awkward Moments 13

Squares, Geeks, and Nerds 17

Seeing the World Through Awkward Eyes 19

2 Is There Anything Wrong With Being Awkward? 25

Strange and Intense 30

Is Awkwardness on the Spectrum? 32

Extroverted, Confident, and Totally Awkward 39

Dreaming of Social Fluency 42

3 Looking for Some Sweet Skills 46

This is Your Brain on Awkwardness 49

Get a Cue 52

Can You Really "See it in their Eyes"? 54

How Did My Foot Get in My Mouth? 57

When Minds Meander 62

4 Emotions Make Me Feel Funny 66

Can We Just Skip the Emotional Parts? 70

An Intense World of Emotion5 72

The Function of Feeling Awkward 76

Broadening A Narrow Focus 80

Why Are You Making that Face? 85

5 Unlocking the Minds of Likable People 88

Theory of an Awkward Mind 91

A Theory of Being Likable 94

The Surprising Social Skill of Bullies 99

The Devil is in the Details 102

The Value of Social Equity 105

Part II This is Getting Awkward

How Modern Societal Shifts are Making Everyone Feel more Awkward

6 Nurturing Awkward Children 113

The Nature of Awkward Families 117

Awkward Impulses Versus Social Expectations 122

The Pleasure in Being Awkward 125

A Supercharged Superego 128

Helping Awkward Kids Build Social Fundamentals 133

Bake a Second Batch 137

7 The Awkwardness of Making Friends 142

How Many Friends are Enough? 144

The Demise of Social Institutions 149

Never Mind My P's and Q's 155

Making Friends While Awkward 157

Trickle-Down Social Economics 164

8 Dating and Sex Are So Awkward 166

What Happened to the "Romantic" in Romantic Relationships? 168

Gerrymandering the Friend Zone 170

Online Dating Can be an Awkwardness Incubator 173

Sex is Super-Awkward 177

Intimately Awkward 182

The Awkward Path to Happily Ever After 187

Part III How the Awkward Become Awesome

9 Practically Prodigious 193

When Awkwardness is Adaptive 194

Giftedness is Singular, Not Plural 197

A Restless Mind 201

The Relationship Between Giftedness and Awkwardness 204

Being True to Yourself and Fitting in 213

10 Groundbreaking Innovation 217

The Future Perfect 219

The Comfort of Expertise 220

Winning the Innovation Lottery 222

Imperfect Brilliance 228

Afterword 233

Acknowledgments 239

Bibliography 241

Index 251

Editorial Reviews

…Awkward contains many useful and resonant observations about everyday interactions: the surprising social skills that often accompany bullying, for instance, or the unconscious scorecards we keep to numerically rank our positive and negative encounters with people we know.

The New York Times Book Review - Daniel Menaker

Tashiro has become an evangelist for his kind…positing that there’s an upside to all this nerding out…. In many ways “Awkward” is a memoir…packed with vignettes from the author’s childhood, even as it loops in scientific studies and Darwinian theory.” — Washington Post

“In Awkward, Ty Tashiro expertly blends humorous anecdotes with the latest research findings to illustrate the unique skills often associated with awkwardness. It is a must read for anyone who is awkward or knows someone awkward.”   — Patricia Frazier, Ph. D., associate chair of the Department of Psychology and Distinguished McKnight University Professor, University of Minnesota

“This book is a refreshing reminder that uniqueness and eccentricities are strengths, not liabilities. A gift for everyone who has worried about fitting in and being judged by other people. Entertaining and practical.”  — Dr. Todd B. Kashdan, author of The Upside of Your Dark Side and Curious?

“Complete with exercises, quizzes, sound advice, and a practical yet supportive tone, Tashiro offers the closest thing to a roadmap for “happily-ever-after.”    — Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Five-Stars.” — San Francisco Review of Books

“An academic and psychologist examines the ‘quirks and unique talents of awkward individuals’ and why it’s not so bad to be awkward...the author assures that awkwardness can be a gift and that one can be grateful for it.” — Kirkus Reviews

“Mixing personal anecdotes with summaries of psychological studies, Tashiro effectively delivers an informative and engaging pop psychology piece on what it’s like to be socially challenged.” — Library Journal

“Illustrating his points with fascinating examples, Tashiro discusses the way awkward people deal with emotional situations...and, how we can learn to love our own awkwardness to bring ou the best in ourselves. An entertaining mix of social science and pop psychology.” — Booklist Online

From the Publisher

Five-Stars.

San Francisco Review of Books

Tashiro has become an evangelist for his kind…positing that there’s an upside to all this nerding out…. In many ways “Awkward” is a memoir…packed with vignettes from the author’s childhood, even as it loops in scientific studies and Darwinian theory.

Washington Post

In Awkward, Ty Tashiro expertly blends humorous anecdotes with the latest research findings to illustrate the unique skills often associated with awkwardness. It is a must read for anyone who is awkward or knows someone awkward.”  

Patricia Frazier

This book is a refreshing reminder that uniqueness and eccentricities are strengths, not liabilities. A gift for everyone who has worried about fitting in and being judged by other people. Entertaining and practical.” 

Dr. Todd B. Kashdan

Illustrating his points with fascinating examples, Tashiro discusses the way awkward people deal with emotional situations...and, how we can learn to love our own awkwardness to bring ou the best in ourselves. An entertaining mix of social science and pop psychology.

Booklist Online

Tashiro has become an evangelist for his kind…positing that there’s an upside to all this nerding out…. In many ways “Awkward” is a memoir…packed with vignettes from the author’s childhood, even as it loops in scientific studies and Darwinian theory.

Washington Post

05/01/2017
Tashiro (The Science of Happily Ever After) intends to describe what it means to be awkward, how modern society increases the opportunity for awkward moments, and how awkwardness can be an indication of greatness in other areas. Tashiro's prose meets this intention as he meticulously spells out what it's like to be awkward and the inherent paradox of it. With intriguing premises throughout, this work makes an unexpected point about the connection between likability and popularity and poses fascinating questions such as: "How do you fit in without losing yourself?" Readers who enjoyed Susan Cain's Quiet will find similar enjoyment here, whether reading to understand their own awkwardness or awkwardness in others. Tashiro's book is not self-help in nature, but it can make readers feel more comfortable and in control. VERDICT Mixing personal anecdotes with summaries of psychological studies, Tashiro effectively delivers an informative and engaging pop psychology piece on what it's like to be socially challenged. [See Prepub Alert, 8/22/16.]—Abby Hargreaves, Alexandria P.L., VA

Library Journal

This charming examination of people who are somehow “off” in their behavior and relationships offers a reassuring perspective and many useful prescriptions. George Newbern’s low-key narration is a big part of the audiobook’s engaging appeal. His vocal humility and conversational phrasing create a comfortable space for learning, especially for people with shame or doubts about their social effectiveness. The author cautions that awkward people are distinct from those on the autism spectrum but are nevertheless burdened with functional liabilities such as physical clumsiness, poor cultural integration, shaky verbal skills, and social connections that are either clueless or fraught with anxiety. The author’s friendly writing and the inviting narration will encourage them to adjust their skills to achieve more poise and confidence. T.W. © AudioFile 2017, Portland, Maine

JUNE 2017 - AudioFile

2017-03-02
An academic and psychologist examines the "quirks and unique talents of awkward individuals" and why it's not so bad to be awkward.Combining research and anecdote, Tashiro (The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, 2014) suggests that a certain amount of awkwardness is perfectly normal, that a little more can provide a series of learning experiences, and that any diagnosis short of autism might be handled in-house or with the help of a good therapist. As he writes, the author was socially awkward and is still recognized as such by some of his friends, though he proceeds to show how he met what in his case were mild challenges: "I am awkward by nature but socially proficient by nurture." Such nurture comes in the form of training and advice, learning the consequences of some behavior, and becoming more adept at navigating social interaction. "Three important cues," he writes, "tend to give awkward individuals trouble: nonverbal behaviors, facial expressions, and decoding language used during social conversations." Awkward people tend to have a tighter focus and more obsessive routines; they are better at following rules than deciphering clues. They may not look others in the eye, and they tend to lecture rather than converse (when they are not alone, where they feel more comfortable). Sometimes awkwardness correlates with giftedness and thus standing apart. The awkward must learn what seems to come more naturally to others, to recognize the importance of social belonging, and to extend their comfort zones to include others. The cultural shift to the internet, in areas ranging from business communication to dating, can complicate the challenge, making cues more difficult to decipher without facial expression and tone of voice. Yet the author assures that awkwardness can be a gift and that one can be grateful for it—because he is. Tashiro offers little revelatory information, but it helps to know that you are not alone.

Kirkus Reviews