Can a fourteen-year-old girl save her parents’ marriage? Maybe, with a little help.
One year ago, Alan and Stacey Navarro underwent a painful separation, leaving their daughter, Ruby, to live with her mom and an over-caffeinated Shih Tzu named Ed Wood. People split up all the time, and most kids might get over it, providing they can still Snapchat. Not Ruby. A bright, funny fourteen-year-old who loves shoes and horror movies, she is on an insane mission to get her parents back together. But she can’t do it alone. She needs her two best friends, her dog, an arrogant filmmaker, a bizarre collection of actors, and a chainsaw-wielding movie killer. What could possibly go wrong?
Chainsaw Honeymoon is “hysterical fiction” and like nothing you’ve ever read. There’s romance, drama, and a creepy talking doll called Mr. Shivers. Cutting a breakneck, jagged swath across present-day Los Angeles, this book hurls flaming balls of movies, music, horror, and comedy—like some kind of possessed pitching machine. Is this real life? Better ask Ruby.
For fans of family fiction, biting humor, and romance.
|Product dimensions:||5.00(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.56(d)|
About the Author
Steven Ramirez is a 2019 Best Indie Book Award (BIBA) winner and a 32nd Annual Benjamin Franklin Award Silver Winner for The Girl in the Mirror, the first novel in the supernatural suspense series SARAH GREENE MYSTERIES. A former screenwriter, he also wrote the acclaimed horror thriller series TELL ME WHEN I'M DEAD and Come As You Are, a horror collection. Steven lives in Los Angeles. He enjoys Mike and Ikes with his Iced Caffè Americano, doesn't sleep on planes, and wishes Europe were closer.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 “I just can’t take no pleasure in killing.”
Chapter 2 “Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.”
Chapter 3 “How many times do we have to go through this, Son? Your grandmother is dead!”
Chapter 4 “Out of all the women in the whole world, he chose you.”
Chapter 5 “God, I love you.”
Chapter 6 “Help! Someone help me! Is someone there? Hey! Shit, I’m probably dead.”
Chapter 7 “I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your brains in.”
Chapter 8 “I think I must have one of those faces you just can’t help believing.”
Chapter 9 “I shot him six times! This guy, this man—he’s not human!”
Chapter 10 “Meat’s meat, and man’s gotta eat!”
Chapter 11 “Vee had better confeerm de fect dat yunk Frankenshtein iss indeed vallowing een ees gandfadda’s vootshtaps!”
Chapter 12 “You want to eat the writer? Be my guest. That will leave you to explain how else your character is supposed to get to Bremen!”
Chapter 13 “Look, you ever read that book She’s Just Not That into You?”
Chapter 14 “You can’t solve it. It cannot be solved. You’re gonna die. Like Lionel. Like Miss Tanner.”
Chapter 15 “These are godless times, Mrs. Snell.”
Chapter 16 “I’m scared to close my eyes. I’m scared to open them.”
Chapter 17 “Oh no tears please. It’s a waste of good suffering.”
Chapter 18 “Who’s going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a sideshow.”
Chapter 19 “I’m coming apart! Oh, mother of God, I’m coming apart!”
Chapter 20 “You know, I’ll bet my badge right now, we haven’t seen the last of those weirdies.”
Chapter 21 “All right, dammit. Now we’ve got a war.”
Chapter 22 “All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die.”
Chapter 23 “You guys gonna kill each other now?”
Chapter 24 “With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we’re sleeping with you. Don’t wake up.”
Chapter 25 “God brought us together for a reason. This is it.”