Cherry Pie Cure

Cherry Pie Cure

by M. Jane Colette

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Overview

When Susan discovers her husband of 22 years is cheating on her, she is sure her life is over. And she thinks her friend Marcella’s advice that she work through her feelings in a blog is stupid. She just wants to sit on the couch in her ex’s old bathrobe, feel sorry for herself, and chain-smoke. But with the help of Marcella, a growing tribe of “strange Internet friends,” couriered packages of sex toys, and the most delectable cherry pie in the world, Susan gets off the couch and into the arms of a gorgeous (“OMFG how old is he?”) new lover who is even more delicious than that cherry pie. Will her kids let her have this new life? Will her ex? And will Susan dare step into the passionate unknown... or will she retreat to the safety of her old life?

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Susan as The Heroine. Baker extraordinaire, yoga-hater, Luddite, and an innocent prude. “I don’t think an exercise routine developed by half-starved men in India is particularly suitable to short, curvy, booby white women. My breasts get in the way of everything. OMG, I just typed breasts. How do I delete this post?”

Marcella as Her Best Friend. Entrepreneur, musician and happily divorced self-proclaimed “slut” who has an opinion on everything and a solution to everyone’s problems except her own. “Look, Susan, do what you want, but either keep on with the blog or go sleep with a twenty-five-year-old boy. Do you want to be a pathetic blob of goo in your cheating husband’s bathrobe?”

Cody and Tyler as Her Adult Sons. “What were you thinking, Mom?” “Jesus, how old is he, Mom?” “Have you no pride, Mom?” “Oh-my-god-what’s-wrong-with-you, Mom?”

Nika as Cody’s Maybe-Maybe-Not Girlfriend. “I’m totally trolling Tinder for Persian guys now. Just so you know, Mama Susan.”

sugar&spice76 as Susan’s First Fan. “Honey, we’re not strangers anymore. We’re your strange Internet friends. We’re all mothers, and we all do the dirty sometimes, ok?”

FemmeFataleFun as the Sex Toy Peddler. “Smooches. Everything in that care package is therapeutic, kitten!”

mommyshidinginthebathroom3 as The Token Mommy Blogger. “Let her smoke, Marcella. It’s been six weeks. You can kick her ass about the cigarettes in six months.”

ilikeherbooty-full as The Porn Blogger Who Won’t Go Away. “Is this what women really talk about when men aren’t around, or are you doing that just for me?

Caspian00XO as His Friend Who Hears About the Pie. “Susan? Do I get pie now? I’m emailing you my address.”

Reza as Susan’s Love Interest. “This is my telephone number. As soon as I leave, you will type it into your phone. And you will send me a text. It will say, ‘Reza, this is Sooo-zaaaahn.’ If you don’t send me this text, I will assume I offended you and will need to quit my job so I don’t offend you again, so it is very important that you send this text. Yes, Soo-zahn?”

with cameos by

John as The Cheating Husband, Jewel of The Not-So-Spectacular-Boobs as The Other Woman, an assortment of lurkers, trolls, spammers, “Internet idiots,” and casual visitors, Reza’s invisible roommates, and The Lawyer.

a “MISTRESS OF HER OWN DOMAIN” novella

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780995810266
Publisher: GENRES were made to be BROKEN
Publication date: 06/15/2017
Pages: 306
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.69(d)

Table of Contents

Hello

Oops

Susan’s Writing Cure is a stupid name for a blog

Help

This sucks, I suck, the whole world sucks

But seriously, how could he be so stupid?

How could I be so stupid?

Breasts are also stupid

So Christmas sucked

Marcella sucks and I’m a pathetic blob of goo

I guess I’m not dealing very well

This one is about trying not to ruin Christmas, and meeting Nika

I miss my kids

Well, I don’t ruin Christmas Eve

So I ruined Christmas

Actually, Don ruined Christmas

No, I ruined Christmas

This is just awful... why am I reliving this?

And then... everyone left

Alone, alone, alone

I love Marcella, and I love cigarettes, and I miss my cigarettes, and I am a whiny over-the-hill middle-aged frump

My babies are coming home!

I have a bit of a breakdown in Safeway

I have been a baking machine

As I’ve said, I’ve been baking

I don’t think I can do this

He wasn’t there

I went back again this afternoon

He was there!

My mother-in-law wants to medicate me, and maybe she’s right

Marcella’s hideous vibrator

Tyler’s home and I’m a terrible role model

I am probably insane

Like a troll doll or a muppet, but worse

Birdwatching and Jewel of the Not-So-Spectacular Boobs

Christmas sucks and I’m not that crazy about Easter either but I’m getting used to the Rabbit

I’m so embarrassed

The house is empty again, but... He. Loved. My. Pie!!!

My small small life

So, I purged

I’m stupid and sad, but also grateful

Nowruz

Ok, just to be clear, this is the situation

Also, just to be clear, divorce screws up your kids even if they’re all grown up

OMG OMG OMG

It’s a Nowruz miracle!

He’s coming!

OMG, OMG, OMG... OMFG

So I had to change everyone’s names

I went shopping, not at Safeway

Maybe men are dicks

You will never believe this...

This is true: my husband has a very small penis

OMG, and that’s pretty much all I have time to say

The difference between alone and lonely, and also, trying not to hate John, but he makes it very difficult sometimes

I went shopping... for clothes

Fucking John

Chicken soup fixes everything (almost)

Do you think he loves me?

Apparently, I need Botox, but also some better news

The good news is he’s much older than my sons

Adult children

Apartment report

Bliss is boring but in a wonderful way

But boring is better than complicated

Trying to be kind, thinking John is evil

I did it

Sex makes everything better

I’m lame but I’m doing this anyway

Surprises suck

Doing the right thing

No no no no no no no no

All John’s fault

I don’t understand

I will never wish for a text again

It didn’t work

The troops are here

He doesn’t work here anymore

Nika says I have to tell you

Courage from Georgia

The place where pride ends

Kind of sappy, but I love you all

All the things

Afterword: how a story is born

Bonus: Try

Bonus: The shy girl’s guide to sexting

About the author

Customer Reviews