Deeper

Deeper

by Robin York

Paperback

$13.37 $14.00 Save 5% Current price is $13.37, Original price is $14. You Save 5%.
View All Available Formats & Editions
Use Standard Shipping. For guaranteed delivery by December 24, use Express or Expedited Shipping.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780804177016
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Publication date: 01/28/2014
Series: Caroline & West Series
Pages: 400
Sales rank: 684,906
Product dimensions: 5.10(w) x 7.90(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Robin York grew up at a college, went to college, signed on for some more college, and then married a university professor. She still isn’t sure why it didn’t occur to her to write New Adult sooner. Writing as Ruthie Knox, she is a New York Times bestselling author of contemporary romance, including RITA-nominated About Last Night and Room at the Inn. She moonlights as a mother, makes killer salted caramels, and sorts out thorny plot problems while running, hiking, or riding her bike.

Read an Excerpt

BEFORE

Sometimes I hate the girl I was back then. It’s like how, when you see a horror movie, you can’t help but feel contempt for the virgin who goes for a walk in the woods after midnight. How can she be so stupid? Doesn’t she know she’s about to get gruesomely hacked to death?

She should know. That’s why it’s so hard to watch. Because you want her to know. You want her to defend herself, and you look down on her for not knowing, even though obviously it’s the guy who hacks her up who’s at fault.

The thing is, the movie makes him seem like a force of nature—unstoppable—so the virgin comes off as a total dumb-ass for not checking the forecast to see if it calls for serial murder before she skips off into the night.

These days, if someone sent me a text that said nothing but OMG, I wouldn’t wonder if whatever I was about to find out was going to be bad. I’d only wonder how bad and how long it was going to take me to crawl out of whatever pit I was about to fall in. But in August of my sophomore year at Putnam College, I didn’t worry. I thought maybe Bridget, my best friend and roommate, had gotten distracted before she could finish her train of thought.

I towel-dried my hair and stood up to lob the damp towel into my laundry basket in the closet. Missed. By the time I’d picked it up and put it where it belonged, another message had popped up on my phone, this time with a link.

You need to see this, it said.

And then, immediately after, I’m so sorry.

I clicked the link.

I think part of me knew even then. Because the thing about being a good girl is, you spend your whole life developing a finely honed radar for detecting anything that could potentially cause people to love you less.

Girls like me—or, I guess, girls like the one I was last August—we eat approval. We live for it. So when we do something dumb—or, say, when we do something really monumentally idiotic—we know.

The screen filled up with a picture of me, topless, with Nate’s dick in my mouth.

I looked, and I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes.

I could actually feel it—the solid ground of my life, cracking open.

It sounds too drama llama when I put it like that, I know, but I can’t think of another way to describe it. One minute, I was on firm footing—a nineteen-year-old overachieving politics geek, on track to go to law school and take the world by storm—and the next, my feet had lost purchase on the floor. I sagged against the desk. I couldn’t get enough air.

The shock of it didn’t take any time at all to sink in. It sank in immediately, traveling some kind of shortcut path from my eyes to the area of my brain that had made a quiet, private list of the consequences of those photos the second Nate took them.

Everyone will see you, mock you, hate you.

You won’t get into law school.

You’ll never get a Rhodes.

You’ll never be a judge or get elected to office.

This changes everything.

Seeing those pictures—I was devastated. Immediately. Because I’d known.

That night when I’d gone down on Nate and he’d lifted his iPhone in the air and aimed it at my head, my good-girl radar was working fine. Bad idea, the radar told me. Such a bad idea. But I overrode it, because Nate was in a mood, and I thought if I went along, it would bring him out of it.

You trust him, I told myself. Nate would never.

But he did. He must have. The website identified me as Caroline Piasecki from Putnam, Iowa, and Nate was the only one who had those pictures. Either he put them there, or he gave them to someone who did.

There were two shots of my face smiling. One duckface from my car that I’d sent him just to be an ass. One of me in my favorite animal-print bra and panties, which I’d taken in the mirror in my high school bedroom, sucking in my stomach and pushing out my chest because I’d wanted to look sexy. I’d wanted so much to be sexy for him.

And the other, even dirtier pictures. The ones I almost couldn’t look at.

Three of them.

At the bottom, my face again, with a cartoon bubble that said, I’m Caroline Piasecki! I’m a frigid bitch who needs to get FUCKED!!!

I couldn’t cry.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t really believe it.

The page had four hundred sixty-two comments.

Four. Hundred. Sixty. Two.

If someone had asked me ten minutes earlier how I felt about Nate, I would have told them, “Oh, there are no hard feelings.” Three years together, and we’d just grown apart. I guess it was college that did it. By the end of our freshman year, I’d started to feel like maybe Nate and I didn’t have all that much in common. In high school, I’d been dateless until he asked me out—a late bloomer, my dad said. Nate was cute, popular, smart. Flattering to be noticed by a boy like that. But at Putnam, I had started to think maybe there was something missing between him and me. Better chemistry. A deeper connection.

I’d broken up with him before we came back to school. We shared a pizza and drank soda, and I tried to explain my reasoning without hurting his feelings. I thought I had pulled it off pretty well. By the end of dinner, he’d been smiling and agreeable again.

I would have said he was a nice guy. That we were still friends.

So even though I wasn’t exactly surprised, I was, too. I’d followed the rules, worked hard to get good grades, dated a nice boy, and made him wait a long time for sex. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I hadn’t expected my prom date, my first boyfriend, my first, to use the Internet to call me a cum-loving slut who loves jizz in her face or to list the name of my college and my high school right there beneath the blow-job picture.

Because who expects that?

I sank down into the desk chair and thumbed through the first few screens of comments. Then the next few. Screen after screen.

She has nice tits.

I’d hit that.

*fap fap fap fap thx Carolina, you hoor!*

What an ugly slut. I want more vag!

Every word I read—every filthy thing some basement-dwelling Internet creep said about me—I thought, This is my fault.

My fault, my fault, my fault.

I never should have let Nate take the pictures. I knew it. I knew it when he took them, I knew it after, I knew it when we broke up and I had this fleeting, urgent impulse to beg him to let me delete every single photo of me off his phone. An impulse I shrugged off because I didn’t want to offend him.

I didn’t want to be rude.

I sat there for a long time, scrolling and reading, wiping tears from my eyes with the back of my free hand. I was panting more than breathing, panicking more than thinking, too disoriented to have anything like a coherent plan.

I think I was mourning the end of something without even knowing it had ended. My youth, maybe. The sunny, perfect part of my life.

It wasn’t until Bridget messaged me again—R u ok?—that I really understood. I thought about how she would come back to the room and she would have seen. She would know, and I would have to face her.

I thought about how it wouldn’t be just Bridget. It would be everybody.

That’s when it hit me that I would never be okay again.

SEPTEMBER

Caroline

Two and a half weeks after the photos appear online, I have everything under control. Right up until I walk out of Latin and into West Leavitt’s elbow.

I’m striding with my head down, my mind on the upcoming student-senate election. I thought I would run this year to represent my dorm, but now I don’t see how I can. The girl who is running is . . . Well, I’m trying not to be uncharitable. She’s not my top choice.

I’m my top choice.

My feet are moving out the door and steering me to the right, away from most of the other students. I used to go to the left, but Nate has Macroeconomics in the classroom next to mine, and I don’t want to run into him. I’ve started going right instead and then detouring around the outside of the building to head toward the dining hall for lunch.

Today, though, my path isn’t empty—the hallway is crowded, heaving and alive. But since I’ve got my head down, I don’t notice until I crash into some random person’s back. The bag I’m carrying gets knocked out of my arms and onto the floor. I go to pick it up, saying sorry, noticing just how many legs are in this hall, starting to wonder what’s going on. I’m still trying to figure it out when I stand back up and get nailed in the nose.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

Deeper 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 78 reviews.
celesteworld More than 1 year ago
Wow!  It was an unexpected surprise to me how much I really felt while reading this book.  Yes, even some tears were shed!   This book is a story has it all great story, great lessons, great love and great dissapointment.  I cannot tell you how moving this book was to me.  All I can say is you must read this book!  One warning, it does leave off in a somewhat cliffhanger, so if that is not for you don't buy this book.  If you don't mind having to read another great book then read this, then buy Harder the next book . Well done Ms. York aka Ms. Knox!!!  I highly recommend this book to you.  ENJOY!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
What a great book! This had it all -love, fights, and true personal growth.This really opened my eyes to a major problem with society and abusive people. It's an issue/situation that could destroy a person. The characters were very real. Everyone from Caroline & West to friends to her dad. Best of all Caroline is a fighter -the kind that makes you smile and think you go girl. Go kick some a** !! Just do it, you will not be dissapointed!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved every minute of this book. Love how caro finds her strength and fights back. Cannot wait for the next book
ReesesSH More than 1 year ago
You know the books that come out and just kick you right on your ass because it’s not what you were expecting at all? That is what happened when I read Deeper. I really truly had an almost love hate relationship with this book. Deeper for me was just one of those books that had such a moving message and such fantastical realistic characters I honestly didn’t know how to feel. After reading so many books sometimes it honestly feels like I’m reading a story I’ve already read. That is so not the case for me with Deeper. Caroline has been in a relationship with Nate for three years. She’s smart, sweet, loyal and just an all-around nice person. Her perfect life comes crashing down on her though when after her and Nate break-up he posts compromising pictures of her all over the Internet. Now Caroline spends her time trying to delete the pictures for online sites and get the horrible words of all the comments she’s seen out of her mind. Caroline never expected West. West has rules he has family he has everything to lose. West sells drugs outside of the bakery he works at. He works three jobs just to make sure in case anything happens back at home he can help his family. He’s wanted Caroline since he first met her, but he can’t have her. West tries to give everything away and take nothing for himself except for Caroline because he wants her bad. Instead he sticks to being non-friends. He shows Caroline how to make bread and be a person again, a person without the pictures. Okay so honestly one of the first things that drew me to thing book was how Caroline and West weren’t the “usual” perfectly attractive book people. They weren’t beautiful in the “everything on my body is perfect” sense. They weren’t the classic I guess is what I’m saying. West’s body while perfect his face apparently wasn’t. He had a big crooked mouth and his ears were small. Caroline has a gap between her teeth that she can spit out of. I loved that. Honestly that makes them so much more real to me. The only part of this book I was somewhat irritated with which was fixed a thousand times over was that the book became suuuuuper slow towards the middle-ish of the book and it was irritating. It followed West and Caroline every-freaking-day but they never did anything just ignoring their attraction for one another, which would have been fine if it hadn’t been dragged out so long. What I honestly loved most about this book was the message. The message was that people who use “Revenge porn” as a act of hurting someone is not okay and that it’s not the victims fault. A lot of the book centered on how Caroline deals with her emotions of guilt and how many people blame her for what someone else put out there. This is what really made Caroline such an amazing character to me. She learned to stop blaming herself and take action and she truly grew as a character which there is honestly nothing better than that to me. Lastly, the humor in this book with the amazing characters was phenomenal! I honestly have to say this book was surprisingly hilarious. All the characters are just so amazing and funny and I can go on and on. Robin York is honestly has written one of my new favorite books so yay. You need to get this book. Seriously. Go now. Favorite Quotes: “The thing about being a good girl is, you spend your whole life developing a finely honed radar for detecting anything that could potentially cause people to love you less.” “Never let it be said the caveman thing doesn’t turn you on.” Teaser: “I can’t be Frankie’s and keep Caroline. I wish I could, but there’s no point in wishing. Every time I kissed Caroline, I pulled her deeper in. Deep and then deeper, until I couldn’t come home again without bringing her home.” Swoon: “West reaches out, fists his hands in my coat and yanks me into him. We meet at the mouth. It’s the most obscene kiss of my life. Deep and hard, gasping hot, sticky-sweet, messy. It turns out that West doesn’t even need words to make the point he came here to make. Mine, his mouth says. Mine, mine, mine.”
northamericanwordcat More than 1 year ago
Stunning. The romance is so well written and completely engages. I didn't like the book every single moment but then I didn't really like being 19 every single moment either. This New Adult Romance does what the sub genre should be doing--it creates a love story deeply embedded in young adulthood when you know less and more than you ever will. Its conflicts are those of coming of age and not being who you once were or seated in a world where everything is you know it to be. It is an uncomfortable time but one full of risk, joy and sometimes, if you are really lucky, you find the love of your life. These things are equally true for both West and Caroline. Unlike many New Adult Romance,s both leads are powerful and riveting. This love story deals with sexuality in a gritty and tender way for the hero and the heroine. The issues of class, privilege and gender inhabit the book with a skill rarely seen and explore the cross section of these compelling forces on the one to one level where it matters the most. In many ways, this is Caroline's book more than West's even though it is told from both points of view. Her reclaiming of herself is magnificent, real, and thoughtful. Her world is blown apart and she puts it back together again stronger than before. I am not thrilled with the end of the book. Its not a cliffhanger really but more like a resting point. It makes sense in a romance with leads this young that it would take a while to get the the Happily Ever After but I don't love that part of the book. I hope we get to see West's world blown apart, his understandings shaken, and his triumph in the next book. I also want Krish, Quinn, and Bridget to have their own romances, please. Not necessarily with each other lol. Especially Krish. While not an easy book or a light one. it is tremendously satifisying, achingly sensuous, complexly vivid and utterly wonderful. Thank you, Ruthie Knox/Robin York. PS There is baking, rugby and wonderful statements about politicians that just can't be missed.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Awesome!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Dark and gritty and feminist with lovely writing and heartbreakingly real characters.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is absolutely incredible. York's writing is so stunningly beautiful I was highlighting page after page. Read this book. Just do it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Could not find a good book this was my fourth book to try, started slow but then held my interest to the end, had to buy book the Harder. Both were awesome books!!!!! Highly Recommend!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Very inspirational in way, made me sad, mad and happy. I hope nate gets his. If he was real person i would pummel his ass.
fanofbones More than 1 year ago
I loved this book! Caroline is my hero and so strong/brave. West helping her hold her head high, sigh...my new book boyfriend. The airport scene, I was so invested in this book. Looking forward to the second book In the series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had a love hate relationship with this book. You for sure fall in love with these characters. York makes them feel so real. I love how she writes it from both perspectives. It can go on though with caroline just talking about how hot he is which started to drive me crazy, but overall it was a great book. Lots of emotions and steamy parts after chapter long teases! Above all, the message was beautiful. I had never even heard of revenge porn before this book. Strongly reccomend this book if you enjoy great romance full of emotion and a tease followed by long awaited heat and awesome well rounded characters. Also, the way York writes; it's actualy a good book and not some cheap written erotica full of mistakes.
sakh More than 1 year ago
one of the greatest books I have ever read, very well writing, stunning highly recommended
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Grabs you and doesn't let go.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Heated scenes combined with realistic self discovery
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I like books with a plot lots of emotional romance and scorching love scenes. I am exceedingly picky and i do not think i have ever given any book or story 5 stars. That is how much i love this book. It gave me everything i wanted. I am still amazed at the talent of this writer. She gives tremendous life to every emotion. I was never bored throughout the entire story. She describes every tiny detail that a person who is enchanted with another feels. Things that the majority of writers are not capable of. I was riveted. I laughed and cried and fell in love with West. How could you not? Being an incurable romantic myself i would recommend this story to others like me. The build up in this romance was incredible. This is the kind of story we need more of. Lots of tantalizing teases and real emotion plus really hot lovemaking when the time finally comes. My one and only desire would be for the love scenes to be more frequent. This story has it all and I am now DYING to read Harder. This is one rare writer that i will be absolutely loyal to because as i said i do not give 5 stars lightly. Thank you Robin York for a delightful and completely error proof read. You are truly a professional.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was like reading the authors fantasy of what she thought college would be like. The characters were so superficial and I felt no connection with any of them. My saving grace for buying this book? I saved myself time by not finishing it.
DahlELama More than 1 year ago
I loved this. Yes it has a lot of the typical NA tropes - girl with trauma in her past meets alpha male who solves his problems with his fists - but this is the first NA I've read where that pairing really, really works for me, and not just on an "I recognize this is super problematic, but it's entertaining" kind of way. This is the first NA I've read in which I've read these tropes I've seen a million times and thought, "I believe them." The first chapter of Deeper feels to me like all the justification NA could ever need for its existence. I absolutely love York's handling of revenge porn in this book, and the way you feel its effects down to your bones through Caroline's self-reflections, and the way she carries herself, and the way she describes how her thought processes have changed at the most basic level. It's the kind of skill we've seen mastered in great detail in YA, but for me, in NA, this felt like a first. But had this been YA, it never could've gotten as dirty as it needed to, and it would've been about how it would affect Caroline's college prospects. And if it were adult, it would've lost its immediacy, probably fallen through the cracks, and likely not reached the exact audience who needs to read it. So why don't I mind the punching and the alpha male BS? Because of Caroline. Because Caroline spends chapters reflecting on how violence is not okay. Because Caroline goes out of her way to tell West that violence is not okay. Because Caroline delivers the message over and over again of where her comfort levels lie, and because in all the ways West is a jerk, none of them are entitlement to her body. And okay, maybe because I also would've punched Nate in the face repeatedly. In case you couldn't tell, I really liked Caroline. Her development felt so well done, so authentic, with leaps forward and steps back and feminist realizations and growing independence and sexual comfort and everything in between. And yes, it's hot. Thank you, Robin York, for not making me sit through the same old pages from the "I Feel Awkward Writing Sex" handbook of "his length" and "her sex" and various other phrases no one says - especially in college - but that are somehow everywhere. Thank you for being realistic about messiness and phone sex and the steps between kissing and sex. Thank you for making them friends, so that by the time they actually hooked up, I cared.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Did not like the ending. Toomuch explicit sex which wasn't necessary.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I stumbled upon a gem. Enjoyed this book so much
Anonymous More than 1 year ago