Dis-Solving Conflict from Within: An Inner Path for Conflict Transformation

by Henry Yampolsky

Overview

Dis—Solving Conflict from Within presents a new paradigm for looking at conflict. Written by a professional mediator (and an occasional adventure motorcyclist), this book presents a mindfulness—based framework for understanding conflict, and more importantly, responding to conflict with strength, clarity, and ease as opposed to reacting to it with fear, avoidance, or aggression. The first part of the book takes the reader step by step through the method, drawing on famous teachings in both conflict resolution and mindfulness, real—life examples from the author’s own practice, and colorful anecdotes from his personal adventures, which included riding a motorcycle across the Himalayas. The rest of the book is a very practical application for how these teachings can transform the way we live our lives – in conflicts ranging from arguments with your spouse and debates about current affairs at your dinner table to greater societal conflicts and existential challenges facing us.

At once spiritually based, and yet also immensely practical, this book is relevant not just for conflict resolution professionals, but for anyone who wants to live more peacefully with the people around them. In a signature style that is both educational and funny – and always all his own – Henry Yampolsky draws on his formal education, his life experiences, and his knowledge and acceptance that all people, no matter their beliefs, are infinitely connected. Distilling conflict down to our most basic needs as human beings leads the reader to the inevitable conclusion that we are not so different after all. While acknowledging the validity of the stories of conflicts created by humans, Yampolsky gently but firmly guides the reader to the same conclusion he has come to – that conflict can be transformed into an opportunity for growth, connection, and dialogue once we learn to turn within.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781734401943
Publisher:	Global Collective Publishers
Publication date:	05/13/2022
Pages:	216
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x (d)

About the Author

Henry Yampolsky is a mediator, educator, TEDx speaker, yogi and lawyer who serves as the Assistant Director for Education, Outreach, and Conflict Resolution at Virginia Tech’s Office for Equity and Accessibility. He also teaches Mediation, Conflict Resolution, and Peace Building as part of Virginia Tech’s Center for Peace Studies and Violence Prevention. Henry is a member of the Board of Directors of the Virginia Mediation Network and is a member of Mediators Beyond Borders International. Henry has worked with hundreds of complex conflicts and has taught and lectured around the world, including at: Virginia Tech, Columbia University School of Law, National Museum of American Jewish History, Bellevue Mediation in Zurich, Gandhi Smriti and Darshan Samidi (International Gandhi Center and Museum) in New Delhi and at the Bharathiar University in Coimbatore, India. Henry is also a master—level instructor of Sattva Yoga, having studied yoga in Rishikesh, India. Henry’s TEDx talk about what crossing the Himalayas on a motorcycle taught him about conflict, connection, and dialogue is available on TED.com. You can find Henry on his motorcycle in the mountains of Southwest Virginia and also at: www.livingpeaceinstitute.com.

Table of Contents

Foreword Sukhsimranjit Singh, Ph.D., Judge Danny Weinstein Managing Director, Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution, Pepperdine University Caruzo School of Law; Honorary Professor of Law, National Law University, New Delhi ix

Introduction xi

Part 1 Understanding Conflict 1

Chapter 1 Of Mice and Us 3

Chapter 2 It All Started with a Motorcycle 15

Chapter 3 The Anatomy of Conflict 29

Part 2 Dissolving Conflict from Within 43

Chapter 4 The Tool 45

Chapter 5 Using the Tool 55

Part 3 Transforming Conflict 67

Chapter 6 Ours and Us 69

Chapter 7 Tuning Inward 79

Chapter 8 Observation without Evaluation 101

Chapter 9 Expansion 111

Chapter 10 Exploration 131

Chapter 11 The Seed, the Root, and the Fruit 139

Part 4 Transformative Tools 143

Chapter 12 The Language of Compassion 145

Chapter 13 Restorative Approach to Conflict 157

Chapter 14 Mindfully Getting in the Middle 165

Chapter 15 So What, Then What 181

Resources 193

Endnotes 197

Acknowledgements 201

Editorial Reviews

This insightful book gives us a poignant guidepost on how we should work to resolve our conflict from within and the significance of inward conflict transformation.

Vedhabhys Kundu

This book is like a tour through the world of ADR. As I walked around the territory, I read with a notepad and pen, writing notes of ideas and resources that I wanted to follow up. The list may take me the rest of the year. It is also a series of stories, not only from the author but from teachers he has encountered. The stories weave together and illuminate the ideas and tools. I immediately found opportunities to apply many of the ideas to situations in my life.

J. Kim Wright

As we face times of upheaval and growing conflict, the silver lining is that more individuals and organizations might read and use work like Dis—solving Conflict from Within. I LOVE this book because there is a deep intelligence, compassion, and immediate utility to it. Henry Yampolsky makes mindfulness accessible and potent. I felt myself growing calmer with every page I read. I want this book on every bookshelf and in every boardroom and classroom!

Tama Kieves USA—Today featured visionary career catalyst and best selling author of Thriving Th

This book should be utilized by all universities and corporations to build leadership competencies. The book is far more then another leadership book; it’s a manual for living an effective life that’s filled with joy and happiness!... Outstanding work with unfathomable heart and spirit! A read for all those who love to explore the road less traveled particularly on motorcycles!

Judd Newman

As Henry describes in his book, conflict is unavoidable. And, as others have stated, perhaps peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict. And the only way there is through a commitment by every single one of us to have that peace, that transformation of how we see conflict, begin within us. Dis—Solving Conflict from Within is the beginning of that journey.

Mauricio (“Reese”) Ramos

With wisdom, insights, processes and sharing his personal experiences, Henry explores with us the importance of experiencing and practicing the inner journey to conflict resolution.

Stu Webb

Yes – there are already many books about how to deal with conflict but ‘Dis—Solving Conflict from Within hits the mark like non other. This is an informative, insightful, and important book. Through life stories, Yamolsky skillfully shows us how to create distance between “our story in conflict and us.” With patience and clarity, he outlines the skills needed to connect with our inner experience of that conflict, and then brings us to a place where we can then communicate in a way that leads to transformation. “Expansion” he tells us “is the ultimate purpose and goal of the dis—solving conflict from within process.” Consider reading this book slowly and with intention. It just may change your life!

Suzanne Sherkin

As a human, conflict is something we inherently encounter throughout our lives. So it’s beautiful to have such a well laid out and investigated look into how to resolve this conflict by going within. And secondly to be reminded of how precious it can be to lean into conflict, with the results of an expansion and growth to our awareness and relationships. I really commend Henry’s work on weaving in the realities of life’s challenges with some of the profound wisdoms and practices of the yogis. For those not familiar with yoga thought or texts, its a well crafted introduction to these concepts and how they apply in our relationships. And for those deeply on the path it’s a great insight into how to apply the wisdom and practices for some tangible life results when in conflict with loved ones, business partners, and relationships of all kinds including the deep conflicts we carry within. Thank you Henry, I found myself integrating the book into my life/relations as I was reading it, such was the profoundly clear explanation you deliver. How to resolve conflict within is a must have skill for all humans interested in peace on any level.

Adam Schomer

"A poetic merger of spiritual philosophy, mindfulness, psychology, and the practice of peacebuilding, Dis—Solving Conflict from Within invites us to create peace from within as a means of manifesting peace in the world. Yampolsky's breadth of knowledge in Eastern traditions coupled with a profound understanding of conflict psychology presents not only practical strategies for dissolving conflicts but also a renewed framework for understanding oneself and our world. Get ready to think about yourself, your relationships, and your ability to create peace in an entirely new way. This powerful text takes readers on an incredible journey that is nothing less than a mind—altering shift in consciousness."

Jeremy Pollack

While the Western—based field of conflict resolution focuses on factors external to the individual that drive conflict, Yampolsky draws on his in—depth experience of Eastern philosophy and spiritual practice to guide us to look within, providing a simple but powerful method to help us respond rather than react to conflict. Packed with stories and quotations, the work is well—researched but never pedantic and offers fresh takes on core conflict resolution concepts like needs, emotions, and mediation. This is an enjoyable, impactful read.

Suzanne Ghais

Drawing on wisdom from both East and West – from meditation and yoga to social psychology and social justice movements – Henry Yampolsky makes a compelling case for the value of self—awareness and contemplative practice as critical tools for dispute resolvers who wish to respond skillfully and compassionately to people enmeshed in conflict. I applaud his candor and his courage in telling a highly personal and engaging story of his spiritual journey from successful trial lawyer to deeply—grounded peacemaker.

David A. Hoffman

At first, my intention was to read this book with the goal of sharing my perspective of the contents. It did not take long before my experience began to change from just reading to review to where I was learning ways to apply this tool in my conflict management work. And I will be able to do that, but at some point, the focus moved from the words on the pages and the promising possibilities of application I could see for others to the opportunities for transformation within me. With each page Henry writes, each story he tells and every personal experience he reveals, it becomes clearer to me that Dis—Solving Conflict From Within is for me. This is not just a book, an exercise, or a training experience. This is a practice (which means it is ongoing, not a one time thing) that will help me BE better in all of my relationships, especially the one with myself.

Toni Hawkins

Drawing upon a wealth of collective knowledge and wisdom—and grounded and affirmed by his own life experiences—Yampolsky reminds us of the power we hold, individually and collectively, to transform the way we deal with conflict. This thoughtful and cutting—edge book both presents and simultaneously unravels a paradox: by turning inside ourselves, we can better understand the world outside of ourselves and bring peace to both. Rather than tolerating or avoiding the inevitable conflicts in our lives, Dis—Solving Conflict From Within encourages and demonstrates how mindfulness and embracing conflict is a prerequisite to transformation.

Shawn Dunning

Our approaches to diplomacy, negotiation, and conflict resolution typically leave out one essential element: the consciousness of the individuals involved. As Henry Yampolsky discovered, many of the age—old inner—directed practices we foolishly disregard as “soft” or “spiritual” are, in fact, powerful technologies for transforming how we perceive, think, and feel. In this profound and useful book, he brings the inner and outer domains together into a truly holistic program for not only ameliorating conflict but achieving compassionate, harmonious solutions.

Philip Goldberg

After reading his book, I felt like I had the tools to genuinely approach mediation and conflict resolution in a deeper and more meaningful way.

Elizabeth Gamarra

Much has been written about dispute resolution, much that explores the world around us, and much that seeks insight from within, but little that reveals the deep, invisible connections between them. In this voyage of discovery, Henry Yampolsky invites us to explore all three, and the lines that connect them. He describes his own journey, offers practical advice, reveals the wisdom that links the world within to the world without, and calls attention to what will happen if we continue along the conflicted paths that divide us. It is a call – not only to action, but to insight, and the transformational path of dispute resolution. It is a terrific read — honest, touching, useful, and inspiring.

Kenneth Cloke

As we face times of upheaval and growing conflict, the silver lining is that more individuals and organizations might read and use work like Dis-solving Conflict from Within. I LOVE this book because there is a deep intelligence, compassion, and immediate utility to it. Henry Yampolsky makes mindfulness accessible and potent. I felt myself growing calmer with every page I read. I want this book on every bookshelf and in every boardroom and classroom!

Tama Kieves USA-Today featured visionary career catalyst and best selling author of Thriving Through