Do Ask, Do Tell: Queer Life, Love and Culture Laid Bare

by Lotte Jeffs, Stu Oakley

Overview

'Bursting with empathy, understanding and humour. A crucial book for our community and allies.' Suzi Ruffell

What is a black cat lesbian? Is ‘aromantic’ a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What’s it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as a OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans euphoria feel like? Why is nightlife so central to the community? What is camp today?

As queer people themselves, authors Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley knew they didn’t have all the answers, because their individual experience represents a single pixel of the rainbow. Do Ask, Do Tell is an unapologetically curious journey through the dazzling spectrum of queer life that will give people – queer, straight, cis and everything in-between – the confidence to say 'I don’t know'.

With humor, warmth, and radically open minds, Stu and Lotte tackle the questions you may have avoided asking for fear of getting it wrong. Covering everything from ageing to open relationships, darkrooms to Drag Kings, camp to carabinas, as well as the intricacies of gender and sexuality.

This insightful and provocative exploration challenges assumptions, shatters taboos, and opens up the conversation. Whether you’re seeking clarity for your cis straight self or deeper insight as a member of the community, this book is your guide to better understanding and celebrating the richness of queer life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781035042067
Publisher:	Pan Macmillan
Publication date:	05/29/2025
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	272
File size:	2 MB
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Stu Oakley and Lotte Jeffs are the authors of Do Ask Do Tell and The Queer Parent, the first LGBTQ+ focused parenting book to be published by a mainstream press, and hosts of award-winning podcast queer parenting podcast Some Families.

Stu Oakley is a leading film and TV publicist, having worked on major franchises including Star Wars, Barbie, Paddington and Jurassic World.

Lotte Jeffs is also the author of This Love, a novel dubbed ‘One Day for a new generation’ by Grazia, and picture book My Magic Family. She is a celebrated magazine writer and editor, and was previously Deputy Editor of Elle.

Lotte Jeffs is an award-winning magazine writer, editor, author and podcaster. They are a contributing editor for Grazia and have hosted the award-winning podcast Some Families as well as Grazia Life Advice. Lotte writes for broadsheet newspapers and international magazines and was previously Deputy Editor of ELLE. Lotte’s first children’s book My Magic Family, is published by Puffin, and her debut novel is published by Dialogue in 2024. Lotte lives in London with her wife, daughter and two kittens. They are one of the authors of The Queer Parent.
Stu Oakley is a film publicist and award-winning podcaster. Stu has written a number of opinion pieces for the Guardian, Grazia, ELLE and Attitude. In his day job as a film publicist, Stu has worked on some of the biggest film franchises of all time including Star Wars, Harry Potter, Frozen and Jurassic World. He thought he was well-versed in dealing with divas . . . until he had toddlers! Stu lives in Hertfordshire with his husband and their three children. He is one of the authors of The Queer Parent.