Discover the Truth He Wants You to Know...
The man in your life carries important feelings so deep inside he barely knows they’re there, much less how to talk about them. Yet your man genuinely wants you to “get” him—to understand his inner life, to know his fears and needs, to hear what he wishes he could tell you.
In her landmark bestseller, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman—single or married—needs to know. Based on rigorous research with thousands of men, Shaunti delivers one eye-opening revelation after another, including:
• Why your respect means more to him than your love.
• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider.
• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired.”
• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical.
• What he most wishes he could say to you.
Now, in this expanded and updated edition, you’ll find insights from the latest brain research plus an all-new chapter that shows what’s really going on when he seems to “check out.” (You’ll be surprised and pleased.)
Millions worldwide have experienced dramatic change in their relationships because of the “aha” moments and practical ideas in this little book. Discover how to love your man for who he really is.
|Publisher:||The Crown Publishing Group|
|Product dimensions:||5.32(w) x 7.16(h) x 0.78(d)|
About the Author
Shaunti Feldhahn is a popular speaker, best-selling author, and groundbreaking social researcher. Her findings have been featured in media as diverse as Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, the New York Times and Cosmo. With a master’s degree from Harvard University, Shaunti has worked on Wall Street and Capitol Hill. Now she applies her analytical skills to illuminating surprising truths about relationships. She and her husband, Jeff, live in Atlanta with their two children.
Read an Excerpt
For Women Only, Revised and Updated EditionWhat You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men
By Shaunti Feldhahn
Multnomah BooksCopyright © 2013 Shaunti Feldhahn
All right reserved.
Light Bulb On!
How I Woke Up to What I Didn’t Know About Men
The other half of the people on the planet already know what you’re going to read in this book.
As newlyweds, my husband and I lived in Manhattan, and like all New Yorkers, we walked everywhere. But I quickly noticed something strange. Quite often we’d be strolling hand in hand and Jeff would abruptly jerk his head up and away. We’d be watching in-line skaters in Central Park or waiting to cross the street in a crowd, and he would suddenly stare at the sky. I started to wonder, Is something going on at the tops of these buildings?
Turns out, something was going on, but it wasn’t up in the buildings.
Have you ever been totally confused by something the man in your life has said or done? Looking at your boyfriend’s rapidly departing back, have you ever wondered, Why did that make him so angry? Have you ever been perplexed by your husband’s defensiveness when you asked him to stop working so much? Yeah? Me too.
But now, after interviewing and surveying thousands of men, I can tell you that the answers to those and dozens of other common perplexities are all related to what is going on in your man’s inner life. Most are things he wishes you knew but doesn’t know how to tell you. In many cases, they’re things he has no idea you don’t know. This book will share those interviews and those answers. But be careful. You might be slapping your forehead a lot!
I can tell you that the answers to dozens of common perplexities are related to what is going on in your man’s inner life.
How It All Started
Let me tell you how I got here. It all started with the research for my second novel, The Lights of Tenth Street. One of my main characters was a devoted husband and father. Because I had to put thoughts in his head, but had no idea what a guy would be thinking in a given situation, I interviewed my husband, Jeff, and many other male friends and colleagues. (“What would you be thinking if you were the character in this scene?”) It took me a while to figure out how to handle what I found.
You see, in many cases, what I heard stunned me. Not just because what the men were thinking was so surprising but because it was so foundational. These weren’t feelings that popped up every few months but were deep fundamental needs, fears, doubts, and thought patterns that occur in men every single day. It didn’t matter whether the man I was talking to was old or young; what his racial or cultural background was; whether he was married or single, a churchgoer or an atheist, a corporate executive or a factory line worker—I kept hearing similar things.
The character in my novel was a good guy who loved his wife and kids, was a devoted churchgoer and godly man, and a successful businessman. But he struggled with his thought life, especially the visual temptations that beckoned from every corner, from the secret traps of the Internet to the overt appeal of the miniskirt walking down the street. So, in short—and this is what shocked me—I discovered that instead of being unusual, my character was like almost every man on the planet. Including the faithful husbands I was interviewing.
That revelation led to a host of others, and following those trails led me to the thousands of personal and written interviews with men—including several professional, nationally representative surveys—that form the core of this book. I interviewed close friends over dinner and strangers in the grocery store, married fathers at church and the single student sitting next to me on the airplane. I talked to CEOs, attorneys, pastors, technology geeks, business managers, the security guard at Costco, and the guys behind the counter at Starbucks. I even interviewed a professional opera singer, a household-name movie star, and a former NFL offensive tackle with a Super Bowl ring. No one was safe.
Excerpted from For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition by Shaunti Feldhahn Copyright © 2013 by Shaunti Feldhahn. Excerpted by permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
As a wife, you don’t think about his feelings as much as you want him to think of yours. I have had to think on many things that have occurred during my marriage since reading this book, and I am glad to have a different perspective. I thought my husband was being difficult because thats what he wanted to do. I encourage all women to read this book. Especially before marriage. It will definitely keep you from having some unnecessary disagreements. You will both need to still put in the work. But it is so worth it.
Great insight of the opposite sex. You take what is applicable to your situation and make the change.
Didn't sit right with me
I heard Shaunti on Nancy Leigh Demoss' radio program and bought the book. Even after 46 years of marriage, I learned things about why my husband acts and reacts the way he does in certain situations. Like, give him some time to process my request or suggestion instead of expecting immediate answers. He weighs the pros and cons and then comes to his well thought out conclusions. I bought two extra copies and gave one as a' wedding gift. Mine and the other one are being loaned out at church.
While I was in Georgia, I had an opportunity to read a book called "Women Only" written by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book was revised and updated from its original book. What I really enjoyed from this book was that the ideas were practical and biblical to apply to marriage. Chapter by chapter, the book touches on a different topic in ways to encourage your husband and to learn ways to handle specific situations. This book has a step by step process. Even though I don't have children, I could see how making these changes could affect communication with a son. Although some of these areas were things I knew, it was great to have Shaunti re-affirm what I do know about my husband and ways that I can work on my communication style with him. I enjoyed this book and it would be a great read for a newly married wife or an engaged couple.
I am a pastor's wife and will be recommending this book to every woman I know! I am giving this book as a gift to some of my friends. It is wonderful! It has offered some wonderful insight that I have confirmed with my husband. It has allowed us some great conversations about our own marriage and encouraged me to be a better wife! I highly recommend "for women only" for every woman wanting to improve her relationship with her spouse and raising boys!
Multnomah, through "Blogging for Books", sent me this book for a fair review. These opinions are mine. As a girl who has grown up in the evangelical circles of "complementarianism" "Christian feminism" and "wifely submission" I know quite a bit already about a woman's supposed place- I don't hold to any of those three differing views exactly. I believe that I should just follow the Word of God as best I know how instead of giving me ideas about relationships a convenient label. I received "For Women Only" in some excitement, hoping to find a half-secular, half-Christian view on relating to guys and a peek into a guy's mind. Hailed as a premarital counseling book to understanding your future spouse, I felt this book was full of secular psychology but also a lot of the "woman, submit!" hyper-submission philosophy at the same time. Most of it was just common sense! It starts off with claiming to contain "fascinating new secrets" about how men behave (see page 21), but the next paragraph says that men haven't changed for centuries. I couldn't help but wonder, then, how women got along with their husbands for past centuries if the fascinating new secrets about unchanging men have just been revealed. Surely, women do have power to sway their husbands, but at the same time, if taken to the extreme most of my more conservative friends would take it, they would believe that anything negative they say to their husbands would be shattering his ego- something Shaunti reminds women "never to do." A woman's words do have power, but sometimes a good kick in the ego pants is needed. I'd encourage ladies to do a word study on what Proverbs says about words, pride, and fools. Further, as Shaunti continues writing, it becomes obvious she is overstating some "controversial" parts of men's minds that you see- the need for them to process doesn't take years like the examples she gives. She has a lot of anecdotal stories, and I know that I could write a whole book of anecdotal stories about people I've met and interesting things those people have said, but she uses so many in her book that it gets old, and even annoying- and you have to wonder if they are really true as they keep appearing. Finally, a lot of this was common sense. I am not married at this time, but some of the statements she made were no-duh. I know sense isn't as common as it once was, but for a 19 year old girl to say "no duh" to half of the pointers (when said 19 year old is not married), you'd probably be better off gleaning wisdom from Proverbs and Ephesians than reading this book. I know Shaunti Feldhan is really trying to help Christian women understand their husbands, boyfriends, and brothers, but in all honesty, this book was just messy.