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Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!

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Trapped in a remote Alaskan forest, pinned under his own SUV, gnawed upon by nature's finest predators, Marv Pushkin -- Corporate Warrior, Positive Thinker, Esquire subscriber -- waits impatiently for an ambulance and explains in detail the many reasons why this unfolding tragedy is everyone's fault but his own.

"Mykle Hansen's book is the Scarlet Letter, the Age of Innocence, the Wuthering Heights of books narrated by a guy being eaten by a bear -- The Last of the Motherfuckin' Mohican's of...