#1 New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team (her husband’s not on it). Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty (which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport). Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame. From defying nature in the quest to make her own Twinkies, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. After all, home wasn’t built in a day.
Praise for Laurie Notaro
“Notaro is a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story.”—The Plain Dealer
“Hilarious, fabulously improper, and completely relatable, Notaro is the queen of funny.”—Celia Rivenbark, author of Rude Bitches Make Me Tired
“Notaro is direct and self-deprecating, and her disastrous attempts to sew a dress and make jerky treats for her dog are relatable and funny.”—Library Journal
|Publisher:||Random House Publishing Group|
|Product dimensions:||5.14(w) x 7.94(h) x 0.62(d)|
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Birth of a Hoarder
Excerpted from "Housebroken"
Copyright © 2016 Laurie Notaro.
Excerpted by permission of Random House Publishing Group.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Birth of a Hoarder 3
Thank You for Being Unfriend 15
Kissssssss Me 35
I Do Not Want Shit in my Shoes 47
The Incredible Travels of SS Laurie, The Destroyer 61
I Will Survive. Hey Hey. 71
The Ham-Off 81
The Day I Grew a Second Head 89
Scattered, Covered, and Smothered: The Infinite Wisdom of Waffle House 101
Goy Toy 113
Laurie is a Big B 121
God save the Twinkie 129
Nana's Recipes 141
Make Me a Dress!! 165
Behold the Power of Cheese 175
Smokin' Hot 187
Fatty Fatty Two by Four 197
Modern Housecraft 209
The Year My Mother Canceled Christmas 215
The Spaghetti Level of Relationship 219
The Pile 223
Where Is Home? 251
Dear Laurie, Age Twenty-Five 259