How Not to Become a Little Old Lady

You can be little. You can be old. You can be a lady. But you don't have to be a little old lady!

We've all seen her, hunched forward, her hair tucked neatly under a plastic rain bonnet. She's clutching expired coupons, or discussing her latest health problems over lunch. She's a little old lady . . . and she's coming your way at 2 mph.

Little old ladies have elastic waistbands on all their slacks. They save rubber bands, remember fifteen-cent McDonald's hamburgers, and have never seen a...