How to Fix a Broken Heart

by Guy Winch

Overview

Imagine if we treated broken hearts with the same respect and concern we have for broken arms? Psychologist Guy Winch urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted.

Real heartbreak is unmistakable. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else. We care about nothing else. Yet while we wouldn’t expect someone to return to daily activities immediately after suffering a broken limb, heartbroken people are expected to function normally in their lives, despite the emotional pain they feel. Now psychologist Guy Winch imagines how different things would be if we paid more attention to this unique emotion—if only we can understand how heartbreak works, we can begin to fix it.

Through compelling research and new scientific studies, Winch reveals how and why heartbreak impacts our brain and our behavior in dramatic and unexpected ways, regardless of our age. Emotional pain lowers our ability to reason, to think creatively, to problem solve, and to function at our best. In How to Fix a Broken Heart he focuses on two types of emotional pain—romantic heartbreak and the heartbreak that results from the loss of a cherished pet. These experiences are both accompanied by severe grief responses, yet they are not deemed as important as, for example, a formal divorce or the loss of a close relative. As a result, we are often deprived of the recognition, support, and compassion afforded to those whose heartbreak is considered more significant.

Our heart might be broken, but we do not have to break with it. Winch reveals that recovering from heartbreak always starts with a decision, a determination to move on when our mind is fighting to keep us stuck. We can take control of our lives and our minds and put ourselves on the path to healing. Winch offers a toolkit on how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to, eventually, move on.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781501120138
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster/ TED
Publication date:	02/13/2018
Series:	TED Books
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	128
Sales rank:	354,230
File size:	9 MB

About the Author

Guy Winch, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, author, and keynote speaker whose books have been translated into twenty-three languages. His first TED Talk Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid has been viewed over 5 million times and is rated as the fifth most inspiring talk of all time on TED.com. Dr. Winch's work on the science of emotional health is frequently featured in national and international media outlets. He also writes the popular Squeaky Wheel Blog for PsychologyToday.com. He maintains a private practice in Manhattan and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Read an Excerpt

How to Fix a Broken Heart

Table of Contents

Introduction 3

Chapter 1 How the Brokenhearted Are Abandoned 9

Chapter 2 When Hearts Break, Brains and Bodies Break Too 35

Chapter 3 The Many Mistakes That Set Us Back 36

Chapter 4 Healing Starts in the Mind 77

Chapter 5 Making Emotional Pain Visible 100

Editorial Reviews

01/08/2018
Psychologist Winch (The Squeaky Wheel) outlines how heartbreak can impede daily life and provides tools for individuals experiencing emotional anguish. He focuses on two types of emotional pain that he believes are downplayed in society: romantic heartbreak and the loss of cherished pets. Winch argues that these experiences are often accompanied by severe grief but are generally not taken as seriously by society as the deaths of close relatives (for example, employers are more likely to offer bereavement leave for the death of parent than for that of a beloved pet). This lack of empathy is often reflected in the mind of the individual sufferer, which prolongs the healing process. In addition to highlighting the shortcomings of society’s views on emotional pain, Winch gives advice to readers dealing with romantic breakups: avoid common setbacks such as blaming oneself for a relationship’s demise or idealizing the other person. Most importantly, he preaches self-compassion. This tender book reminds readers to be kind to others and themselves. (Feb.)

Publishers Weekly

“WELL-RESEARCHED AND DEEPLY PRACTICAL, HOW TO FIX A BROKEN HEART PROVIDES THE VALIDATION, COMFORT, AND HOPE ANYONE WHO IS HEARTBROKEN DESPERATELY NEEDS. Weaving compelling case studies from his private practice with surprising scientific findings, Winch illustrates how little we actually know about this universal experience and why our misconceptions will set us back and delay our recovery. This compassionate and eye-opening book is a must read for anyone mourning a lost love or a cherished pet, and a compelling argument for recognizing these poorly acknowledged forms of grief.”

— ESTHER PEREL, bestselling author of The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity

“Given how intense an experience heartbreak can be, it’s crazy that society’s main advice for it is “take it day by day, and eventually you’ll get over it.” I first heard Guy Winch talk about heartbreak at TED and was fascinated—and the book is even better. A GREAT READ FOR ANYONE GOING THROUGH HEARTBREAK, ANYONE TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE GO THROUGH HEARTBREAK, OR ANYONE WHO SIMPLY WANTS TO UNDERSTAND HUMANS BETTER.”?

— TIM URBAN, creator of Wait But Why?





"A good starting point for anyone who wants to check out of the Heartbreak Hotel."—Kirkus

From the Publisher

2017-11-22
A psychologist presents case studies to show that heartbreak may be inevitable, but it need not be terminal.Too often, writes Winch (Emotional First Aid, 2013, etc.) in the latest addition to the publisher's TED series, society consigns heartbreak to the early pangs of teenage love and thus trivializes or dismisses it. Yet divorce or death can also leave hearts broken, with pain that is as debilitating as physical injury—and that pain can last a lot longer, and longer than it needs to. The author makes the curious decision here "to focus on two types of heartbreak that have much in common: romantic heartbreak and the heartbreak that ensues from the loss of a cherished pet." He does so because these are two areas where the support system is likely to be weaker than it would in divorce or the death of a spouse. Friends and bosses too often think that the heartbroken one should get over it and move on, long before the debilitation has lifted. If part of this book aims to underscore the seriousness of heartbreak, so that society at large may take it more seriously and extend more compassion, the self-help component suggests that there is plenty the victim can do to avoid prolonging the agony. Winch finds parallels between heartbreak and addiction, how wallowing in them can be so devastating to our well-being, how we continue to obsess over something that does us no good, how the vicious cycle perpetuates itself. "If your heart is broken, it will definitely take time to heal," he writes. "But…how much time is up to you." Winch advises shortening the period of rumination by practicing mindfulness and letting go. The narrative transitions between losing a romantic partner and losing a pet can seem awkward and strained (separate chapters might have been better), but the pain and the cure for both can seem very much the same.A good starting point for anyone who wants to check out of the Heartbreak Hotel.

Kirkus Reviews