From attachment-parenting hugs to Tiger Mom discipline, the so-called experts offer plenty of contradictory advice on how to raise the perfect child. So don’t bother with their boring theories and instead follow the hilarious, if not so expert, suggestions in this book and surely (well, maybe) your precious offspring will turn out to be exactly what you want.
•Forget Mozartinspire a BILLIONAIRE in the womb by playing stock market bells and yelling like rally-crazed brokers.
• A GENIUS isn’t made playing hide-and-seek, so stop your offspring from playing games with IQ-draining friends.
• A SUPER MODEL can’t have fat (not even baby fat), so start her at birth on a diet of painkillers, cigarettes and vodka.
|Product dimensions:||4.90(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.40(d)|
About the Author
D. Hornby is so dedicated to molding children that he had two beautiful twins of his own. He lives on a small island in British Columbia and laughs at people with plumbing and store bought clothes. Sean Campbell is childless, so therefore his molding skills are innate. He lives in Vancouver, and once tried to learn how to play the now dusty piano in his house. It mocks him daily. They both write for PseudoExperts.com.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Woah ppl stop it.just stop.
HOW FANTASTIC TO HAVE A BOOK WITH INTELLIGENCE & HUMOUR - I PLAN ON KEEPING IT BY MY BEDSIDE & READ A FEW CHAPTERS SO THAT I HAVE MORE HUMOUROUS DREAMS - BEST WAY TO WAKE UP WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE - THE 'NAME' SECTION I REALLY GOT A CHUCKLE OUT OF ESPECIALLY SECOND NAME FOR POPE - I HAD TO MAKE SURE MY COUSIN DIDN'T TAKE OFF WITH IT AS SHE WAS HERE WHEN I GOT IT & READ MOST BEFORE ME - I LOOK FORWARD TO MORE LIKE THIS FROM THIS DUO OF AUTHORS - A GREAT GIFT AT BABY SHOWERS & I'LL BE GETTING ONE FOR THE NEXT ONE I GO TO - MY HUSBAND IS HAPPY TO BE NEXT IN LINE TO READ IT & I HOPE HE LAUGHS AS MUCH AS I DID
Hilarious book for parents, soon to be parents or anyone for that matter! The tongue and approach that book is written with is the perfect anti-dote for all those 'How-To' books on how to parent. Each chapter takes you through the conception and the raising of a specific type of child from Olympic Athlete to Pop Singer; Pageant Queen to Genius; Astronaut to Vampire, with the added bonus of appropriate names for each type of child (example: Killzor Maimsalot for a future world conqueror). This is the perfect stocking stuffer or baby shower gift! A must buy!!!
Super funny. This is NOT a parenting guide. It's comedy. The book has a bunch of the different chapters: "How to Raise a Stephen Colbert", "How to Raise a Super Model", etc. I laughed out loud on multiple occasions. I'd list out the quotes here, but then that would ruin the book :) This would be a great gift for a new parent who likes a laugh and doesn't take the whole thing too seriously.