How to Win a Fight with a Liberal

by Daniel Kurtzman

Overview

Partisan warfare has never been so much fun.

How to Win a Fight With a Liberal is the ultimate survival guide to arguing politics, filled with all the cunning strategies, damning facts, and merciless ridicule conservatives need to give their liberal "friends, neighbors and countrymen" the verbal smackdown of a lifetime.

With the presidential election approaching, this irreverent yet practical guide is essential reading for unpracticed neophytes and seasoned politicos alike—the perfect primer for anyone who's ever fantasized about smacking sense into a misguided left-wing adversary.

Includes:

• The 10 Commandments of Partisan Warfare
• The Liberal Hall of Shame
• 27,000 Ways to Insult Liberals
• Kick-ass Arguments: A Step-by-Step Guide

...and much, much more!

PRAISE FOR DANIEL KURTZMAN

"You should pick up this book before your next dinner party."
Gayle King, editor-at-large of O, The Oprah Magazine and host of "The Gayle King Show" on Oprah and Friends

"Daniel Kurtzman doesn't have a political axe to grind. He has two axes to grind. And he does it with the sharpest wit seen in these bipartisan parts for quite some time. Crisscrossing the aisle with wicked glee; no matter which book you finish first, you'll immediately want to run out and get the other one to discover what he said about your side. Just remember to wear a disguise."
Will Durst, political satirist and author of The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing

"No one knows political satire like Daniel Kurtzman."
Andy Borowitz, creator of The Borowitz Report and author of The Republican Playbook

"When the folks over at JibJab are looking for a fair and balanced laugh, Daniel Kurtzman's our guy. His How to Win a Fight with a Liberal / Conservative will have you in stitches regardless of your political affiliation!"
Gregg Spiridellis, co-founder of JibJab.com

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781402248627
Publisher:	Sourcebooks, Incorporated
Publication date:	06/01/2007
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	144
File size:	823 KB

About the Author

Daniel Kurtzman chronicles the absurdities of politics as editor of politicalhumor.about.com, the popular website that is part of The New York Times Company's About.com network. A former Washington correspondent-turned-political satirist, his work has appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle and Salon.com, among other publications. As an equal opportunity offender, Kurtzman is also the author of How to Win a Fight with a Conservative.

Read an Excerpt

What It Means to Be a Conservative

I never use the words Democrats and Republicans. It's Liberals and Americans.
-James Watt, Interior Secretary under Ronald Reagan

There's a reason that twice as many Americans identify themselves as "conservative" as call themselves "liberal." Would you rather associate yourself with an ideology that is synonymous with patriotism, strength, freedom, family values, moral clarity, and kicking terrorist ass? Or would you rather align yourself with defeatism, elitism, permissive values, moral uncertainty, and pussyfooting with terrorists-or as it's more commonly known, liberalism?

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: What It Means to Be a Conservative
What Breed of Conservative Are You?
The Conservative Manifesto
Rate Your Partisan Intensity Quotient (PIQ)
What's Your State of Embattlement?

Chapter 2: Know Your Enemy
The Liberal Manifesto
A Field Guide to the Liberal Genus
How to Rate a Liberal's Partisan Intensity Quotient (PIQ)
Frequently Asked Questions about Liberals
A Glimpse into the Liberal Utopia

Chapter 3: Can't We All Just Get Along?
A Day in the Life of Conservatives vs. Liberals
Battle of the Bumper Stickers
What Conservatives Say vs. What Liberals Hear
What Liberals Say vs.What Conservatives Hear
Common Enemies We Can All Agree to Hate

Chapter 4: Basic Training
The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Partisans
How Woefully Ineffective Are You?
How Not to Be an Asshole
The Ten Commandments of Partisan Warfare
How to Frame the Debate Using Simple Jedi Mind Tricks
How to Avoid Unhinged Lunatics

Chapter 5: How to Win Friends While Antagonizing People
How to Survive Family Sparring Matches
What to Do If You're Sleeping with the Enemy
How to Manage Workplace Squabbles
How to Clash with Perfect Strangers
How to Properly Engage in Internet Flame Wars

Chapter 6: Advanced Battle Tactics
How to Detect Bullshit
How to Trip Up a Bullshitter
How to Spot Logical Fallacies
"Strategery" for the Advanced Combatant
How to Argue Like a Liberal in Fourteen Easy Steps
How to Win When You Can't Win Them Over

Chapter 7: Kick-Ass Arguments: A Step-by-Step Guide
Conservatism: Why It Promotes Individual Liberty
Taxes and the Economy:Why Conservatism Is Better for Your Wallet
Defending America: Why Liberals Can't Hack It
Iraq: Why Failure Is Not an Option
Liberalism: Why It's Weak and Wrong

Chapter 8: The Liberal Hall of Shame
The Wing of Sex Fiends, Perverts, and Adulterers
The Wing of Morons
The Wing of Crooks and Degenerates
The Wing of Celebrity Blowhards

Chapter 9: You've Won the Battle, Now Help Win the War
Six Unconventional Things You Can Do to Save the World from Liberals

After-Words
When All Else Fails: 27,000 Ways to Insult Liberals

Acknowledgments

About the Author

What People are Saying About This

Paul Lewis

"Sharply critical and consistently funny, How to Win a Fight with A Liberal and How to Win A Fight with a Conservative hold twin mirrors up to the illogical state of political debate in our divided country. Though they can be enjoyed for their wit alone, attentive readers will get Kurtzman's satirical point: in the exchange of pre-fabricated positions, the appeal to emotion, and the indulgence of self-approval, we have limited our ability to think clearly about urgent problems. Exposing such failures and mocking those responsible for them is the highest calling of the satirist."--(Paul Lewis, author of Cracking Up: American Humor in a Time of Conflict)

Gregg Spiridellis

"When the folks over at JibJab are looking for a fair and balanced laugh, Daniel Kurtzman's our guy. His How to Win a Fight with a Liberal / Conservative will have you in stitches regardless of your political affiliation!"--(Gregg Spiridellis, co-founder of JibJab.com)

Will Durst

"Daniel Kurtzman doesn't have a political axe to grind. He has two axes to grind. And he does it with the sharpest wit seen in these bipartisan parts for quite some time. Crisscrossing the aisle with wicked glee; no matter which book you finish first, you'll immediately want to run out and get the other one to discover what he said about your side. Just remember to wear a disguise."--(Will Durst, political satirist, currently starring in "The All-American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing")

Andy Borowitz

"No one knows political satire like Daniel Kurtzman."--(Andy Borowitz, creator of The Borowitz Report and author of The Republican Playbook)