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I'm Back for More Cash: A Tony Kornheiser Collection (Because You Can't Take Two Hundred Newspapers intothe Bathroom)

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I think it’s really cool to be on a jury. Take the O.J. jury—the people on that jury got book deals, and they got on Nightline, and some of them even got to meet Greta Van Susteren! They were always being written about in the newspapers: “Juror No. 1, a thirty-six-year-old Caucasian male with a master’s degree who works for a high-tech corporation.” Throw in a line about how “he likes to hunt and fish,” and you’ve got The Dating Game.

I wonder what they’d write about me. “Juror No. 4, a fat,...