PEELING THROUGH THE LAYERS
We are all amazing human beings. Our souls are filled with love, compassion, kindness and the will to succeed and prosper. My wish for you is that you will discover your own potential in your heart to complete you in every way you need to find your moments of greatness. I hope to entice you with possibility and with curiosity to learn more, to study and to experience, so you can refresh and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually on your journey of life.
You will discover how to:
Find your moment of greatness
Make choices and decisions with joy
Break the cycles of many lifetimes
Find your power through silence
Believe in life with trust and faith in its possibilities for you
You will learn:
The importance of balancing body, mind, emotion and soul
New skills to create balance
To apply what you know
The truth that lies within you
Practical exercises, affirmations and examples throughout the book make it easy to explore and apply your own insights in your journey of life at work and at home, as well as to yourself. Are you ready to peel the onion?
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Read an Excerpt
In The Garden Of My HeartTake action to find balance in your life before crisis
By Danette Roux
Balboa PressCopyright © 2012 Danette Marlene Roux
All right reserved.
Chapter OneWhy Love and Understanding?
The goal of this book is to take you on my journey of discovering very simple and basic truths about myself, first of all, and then applying them to my view and interaction with others, situations and life in general. It is easy to apply these in your life as it becomes a way of life and not something you do sometimes, giving it up when it becomes too monotonous. It becomes part of you, like brushing your teeth when you get up in the morning. It takes self discipline to reach a point where you need not think what to say or feel or how to be positive rather than spiral into a negative state. Hopefully, my book will assist you in making this transformation easier and smoother. Once we have reached a certain level of understanding and awareness, we have moved on. We have grown and never need to look back. This is how we start peeling the onion, layer after layer. The layers that are gone are done and transformed into a new level of awareness. This new level brings us to new insights, new ways of living life and taking care of ourselves. A challenge becomes an exciting event. What do I need to learn? What do I need to become aware of? Show me. When I get the lesson, I move on a happier and more fulfilled being of light.
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; We are spiritual beings having a human experience! - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Let us get started. Chapter by chapter, I will guide you and give you practical tips so you can move on this journey. Remember, every experience you have had is and was to prepare and take you to the next. It is when we do not pay attention that those experiences seemingly become a nightmare to live through. This book will not take away from the challenges, learning and lessons, but it will better equip you to follow through with love and understanding. You will be kinder and gentler on yourself and others. This in itself will make your journey a very new experience of exactly the same thing. The golden rule: be honest – brutally honest, on all levels – emotionally, physically, mentally and to your soul on a spiritual level.
In this book I will refer to the Supreme Being or the Universe or Light or God. These are words we use to understand the all- empowering energy that connects us all. Feel free to replace it with your word. We are moving on a spiritual path, not a religious path, throughout my book. We can grow spiritually regardless of what religion we are practicing – if any at all. Keep an open mind and allow knowledge to flow through you. Question that which you do not understand. Disagree if you do not feel the same. But do form your opinion at the end of the book, when your journey of discovery has taken you so far. You picked up this book for a reason. Connect and read on.
I will talk a lot about balance. Balance between survival and building a life. Balance between mind, body and spirit. Balance of loving-kindness with will. Balance of good with bad. Balance of giving and receiving. Balance between peace and love. Balance between success and integrity. Balance is import. It is as important as balancing your breathing cycles between inhaling and exhaling. You would get tired and could risk serious health issues if you were not able to do this. Nature out of balance is not good.
Our children are an extension of ourselves in the sense that they know what we know and more. So my aim in writing this is as if I am teaching my children about my journey in life and the learning I had along the way. I hope that it will further serve as inspiration to all parents and children out there to strive to overcome the cycles, overcome the clichés of what we think we SHOULD be doing and rather do what we believe is the appropriate thing to do in that moment.
You don't own anybody!
You don't owe anybody!
No one owns you!
No one owes you!
Can you see this, feel it and understand it?
This book will hopefully be your first steps in peeling the onion to get insight, which will lead you to your true self – your heart. It does not matter where you start, as long as you get started. Take it step by step. But do make it happen. Take the action. It might get more challenging as the layers come off, but the results are priceless. The layer that was peeled need never be peeled again. You will go deeper and peel more, but if you cleaned the layer properly, you never have to go back there again. Opening your heart will reveal your garden, and each layer will grow and become more beautiful and filled with the treasures of you.
My book is also for youngsters stepping into life! This age group shapes our future. Yes, adults today, say 40 plus, will learn from it and grow, but the young ones will change and shape the future for all to come. When you reach millions, when millions understand others, themselves and love all for the same on the first level, then we change the world as we know it. We make a conscious shift happen, which changes the energy vibration of people across the globe.
When someone is requesting or demanding or asking something of you, do you:
» (Immediately) get defensive
» Adopt a "here we go again" attitude
» Truly listen
» Listen to argue the point better?
Or do you:
» Feel them
» Understand why they are saying it
» Try to understand them more
» Love them more?
Happiness-what defines it? How do we know we have found happiness? Is it the feeling of an overripe fruit bursting through its skin? Why do we only feel it for an instant – for that moment? How do we get it to last forever? Can it last forever? Can we feel it every minute of every day? It brings me pleasure when people, especially people we love, are good to each other. It brings me joy when I see the happiness they express into realness. What truly makes this happiness for me is when people put their feelings into action ... positive feelings into action. Tears and sadness are not happiness. It is merely a fear or insecurity within ourselves that brings us to a level of frustration. This is a very important step and should never be denied. Deny this and you get cancer, war, disease, depression—you name it. It is this step that brings us to the questions – why me? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this? How can I make it go away? Why do so few ask what do I need to learn from this? Show me.
We get to the point where we first need to pop to calm the storm. It is like the Dalai Lama says – you need to empty your cup to make place for more. It is when we are confused, when we do not know which way to go, that we are actually on the right path. If you are not confused, you are in status quo. What is there to learn from status quo? Only to awake and know I need to choose – the path again. Which way do I want to go – continue with my status quo and learn nothing, or expand, get challenged and learn more? This growth is what we need. This growth is what we are here for. Who helps us grow? PEOPLE. So why do I need a family of my own when I have spent years trying to ignore my own parents and siblings, trying to forget what they do wrong so I do not have to deal with THEIR stuff? It is in a family that we grow the most. These relationships push us to the edge of our very own being. Why else would I bother to smile at the next family birthday, Christmas or wedding? Because family is not like a work relationship or a friend. Those we choose to be a part of. If a friend hurts us, we leave them and move on. The pain still stays inside, but it is ok. Out of sight, out of mind! If I don't like my boss I don't need to stick with it. I just leave the company. Statistics show that 75% of people leave their bosses, not the job or the company. Why don't we stick with it and try to learn from these relationships too? Deal with it while you are in it. Then you are in the right place to make that decision. Then the decision is purely based on what you want, not what circumstances or social acceptability demands from you.
This brings us to the next thing. When did I make the right decision for me? First, there is no such thing as right and wrong. I do not believe that. Wrong is usually imposed on us by a member of society when we do not do what they believe is right! For example, living in a certain community, you are not allowed to drink alcohol, but in most others it is fine. So what makes it WRONG, then, to take this alcohol? Are we not all the same? Yes, but in society we are moulded by the beliefs of others to do the RIGHT thing. A man defending his family and killing the intruder in his house – is that not the same as blatantly killing someone? What is the difference? The basis of both stories is this: A human life was taken. In almost every single society, this is wrong. Why does it make a difference what the reason behind it was?
So many aspects and dynamics come into play in daily life. Love and understanding form the basis each individual needs to build from. We will peel the layers to allow love to grow and understanding to bloom.
Chapter TwoFactors That Shape Who We Think We Become
I could feel the clamp on her heart; All this said and done ... I am totally sad Especially for her and her soul. I remembered one thing: It can happen to anyone that you lose yourself so much that it comes to this. If it is your daughter, you will always love her. And she is someone's daughter. We do pragmatically what needs to be done, but then we recognize the soul in that other person; And that it is the path they choose. Let them go in peace and cut all unauthorized cords.
Have you ever felt helpless? The person suffering is your parent, brother, close friend. If it is your parent, you thought they were older and wiser than you. That is what we all believe when we are young children. Your brother or close friend is supposed to be the one you look up to, your example in life. They are throwing a beautiful life away because they do not know how to "fix" it. How does one make the feeling and emotion of not knowing go away? They are trying so hard and desperately that it hurts you and others surrounding them. What can you do about that?
It is not about fixing them or the situation. It is about loving and understanding ourselves first, so we can love and understand others. Let them be. They choose their own life. You will still love and support them, but it is their choice how they want to live life. By embracing this fact, you will learn the most about who you become. My father became my best teacher of life.
How do you get to a point where you can look at an abusive parent, drunken mother, angry husband, unhappy wife, brother, sister and give gratitude for them being in your life? How do you still love them? Look at what they are showing you. Yes, really look with your heart. Say thank you for what you have learned and became because they are in your life. I literally mean this: Say "Thank you for showing me."
If you are willing to peel the onion to find and start experiencing the garden in your heart, you will see love all around you. In everyone and everything you will find the joy and take the best of what you need to grow, to understand and to love. The devil is the negative form or energy. The devil is what makes us uncomfortable about ourselves, that part or piece of us that we hope no one will ever see. Sometimes ... no, a lot of times, we wish not to take note of this devil. It manifests in others, in situations or in our own minds as the thing that holds us back from really looking and seeing what the human eye cannot see. It closes our hearts so we cannot see with our whole being to experience the positive, even in seemingly bad situations.
Offer gratitude to those pushing you to your limits - emotionally, physically, mentally. It is they who teach us the most. We tend to see them as negative people or negative events in our lives, but once you have recognized the fear within yourself causing you to attract this, you will also see that it was the greatest gift to you. Say thank you to those souls teaching you how to overcome your fears. It is only by facing them head-on that we learn – unfortunately, but great. Forget for a moment your upbringing, your culture, your financial status, your job title ... Who are you without that? Does all of this define us? Is that who or what we really are? When someone gets angry at you and he/she is obviously wrong, what do you do? How do you react? Do you allow yourself to get upset? Then you are giving your power away. You are handing your power to the other person on a plate. What do they do? They take your power to feed their own energy and wait for more. So it goes, on and on. Where and how do we stop? When do we know it is enough? When you ask yourself these questions, it is already way past the time to stop! Anyone who is your friend or loves you will not take from you, but give. So the one that takes from you is not wanting the best for you or for themselves. Why keep them in your life? What if it is a parent or child or sibling? What do we do then?
First we need to talk about how you came into this life and into this family. We choose the family we want to be born in. Yes, that it is correct. It is not our parents who choose us, but we who choose them. Our spiritual teachers choose their own students. When the student is ready, the teacher will come. So when confronted by a family member, we need to ask: why did I choose to be here? What is it that I came to learn from my family? In answering these questions truthfully, you will find the patience to persevere, to stick around to learn so you can grow.
My father was such a person to me. In the beginning I wanted to understand why me, why us, why our family. What did we do wrong, what did we do to deserve our circumstances? (Don't we all think we are in the worst family or place sometimes?) And here exactly lies the answer. I choose what I need or deserve or want in my life - I choose. I am lucky; I always knew what I wanted, knew what I needed for me and went for it. So, I thought, what is there I need to learn from this. My first lesson was that I was not responsible for the choices others make - not those of my mother or father or brothers. Later I would learn that each one live the life they choose, which is the one that will teach us and show us how to overcome our fears. We are all beautiful souls having this human experience to grow and learn more. So look at the soul of the person and see that the circumstances are only stories, events without which the soul - who you are - is still there. Bless them; guide them with love and understanding that you are learning too. It will set you free. Tell them what you want them to know with loving kindness. This will balance any negative sting. But remember, you are not responsible for how that person receives the information. If they are not ready for it, it might not be received in the way you intended. That is not your responsibility. It comes back to this. No one can make you feel sad, unhappy, angry, or unloved without your permission. You choose how you feel. Some people are more sensitive than others.
My father became my biggest teacher in my life. I had to face many fears, but facing them gave me love and understanding for him and more importantly, for others. I also learned that if I feel an emotion coming up strongly in any given situation, I need to stand back, look and see what I need to learn. This opens your heart for love and understanding to yourself first of all and you do not blame or attack others or yourself in the process. It is a great feeling to go through a potentially difficult situation and feel that total understanding and love for the other. Then you know you have learned and move on. Know you are in a great place to help and support so many more people.
Love yourself first and then those you love and those you come across in this life. It brings peace and joy to my life. The greatest it gives me is gratitude-gratitude that I found the peace, that I can help and support others without giving myself away. When you have love and understanding with peace, you can give and give and give and never feel emotionally drained or depleted. For what you are doing is this: You are one with your higher self, with others, with the universe (God/Supreme Being/Light/Source - whatever you want to call it). This gives you the power of the universe - all of it. It flows through you and you can do whatever you want. This is true. Let me give you an example.
My father left this life recently and I was asked by my mother to give thanks in the church. I knew how important the process would be for my family and did not want to just get it over with - and I loved my father and wanted others to understand his importance in my life and that of my family. So I knew I needed to do a eulogy. I wanted it to be a celebration of the good and what we learned and how we have grown. Also, I wanted my family to find peace. I had five days to prepare and plan the service and all the other stuff that goes with it. I also needed to support my mom - being the only daughter - with her stuff. My husband was in Libya and would not be able to make it to the service. My friends and loved ones who supported me over the past fourteen years living abroad were not with me and would not be there in physical form either. Again, another big thing I learned this week - we can do anything. We stand as individuals, but not alone. So writing this was a challenge. It all came together the night before. The biggest challenge still lay ahead - facing the emotions, the grief, standing in front of everyone who loved or knew my father. I had my plan of action - looking at the clock up in the gallery, looking at friends rather than family - they would not be so sad - would they? Nothing prepared me for that moment; nothing could prepare anyone for a moment like this. But I knew I had the universe to support me. I trusted my Master's teachings, the connection (I mean spiritual and energetic) I had with all who loved me and all my guides and angels who are always there. I got up there and started to read from what I prepared. The first sentence was wobbly to say the least ... but then, it was like a river of love, support, energy, calmness, and peace came over me and surrounded me like a huge pillar - it became me. And I knew that this is what it feels like when we are totally connected and just let go of everything. Ironically, when we let go of everything, we can do anything because we are connected to everything we need. I went through four pages like it was an angel reading it. I did not recognize me or my voice; I could listen and hear it as if for the first time someone was reading it to me. At the last small paragraph as I turned the page, I knew it was over and I disconnected ... I couldn't finish it. I had to take a few deep breaths and re-connect to complete it. Since this day, I have so much gratitude for the power we all have. We can do anything.
Excerpted from In The Garden Of My Heart by Danette Roux Copyright © 2012 by Danette Marlene Roux. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
ContentsAbout the Author....................ix
The purpose of my book....................xvii
Chapter 1 - Why Love and Understanding?....................1
Chapter 2 - Factors That Shape Who We Think We Become....................7
Chapter 3 - Unique You....................19
Chapter 4 - Responsibility....................31
Chapter 5 - Transformational Process....................47
Chapter 6 - Skills To Create Balance....................57
Chapter 7 - Expanding Knowledge....................71
Chapter 8 - Practice, Practice, Practice!....................85
Chapter 9 - Finding Synergy....................99
Chapter 10 - Conscious Shift – The Bigger Picture....................119