KC, at Bat

KC, at Bat

by Tom Mendicino
3.7 18

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KC, at Bat 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 16 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Good. However, as there is with ALL stories, there were derogative excerpts. <p> The Point of View <br> I honestly don't care how many times this has been said; it needs to be re-stated. You switched from first-person with VicMars, then an eccentric half-and-half for a couple lines. And then you went fully to third-person, for the rest of the post length. It doesn't matter which perspective you use, but remain consistent, please. <p> Conventions <br> This is my favorite part. To judge. In life. <br> Aaanywhooo . . . . . . <br> Overall, in the spelling and grammar department, you did begrudgingly well. It's more of the sentence fluency I'm doubting here. <p> Try using different sentence formats. It's surprisingly hard to write a good sentence that doesn't start with a pronoun. 'He, _insert name here_, She, It, Her, He, etc.' Those are hard to avoid. But do it anyway. <p> And it wouldn't hurt to be more descriptive. It'd help, really. The reader does lose interest if you just say 'Nathan glared at him.' Or something like that. Instead, you could say "Nathan could almost feel the repulsed glares of his cabinmates boring into him and his newly-found friend. Steeling himself, he turned and glowered back at them." <p> Besides that, thumbs up, dude!! :3
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Nice.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Good job!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
That is probably the best 1st person narration of me. Thx Kenny. XD
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is over exaggerated e.e l'm not THAT bubbly. Much less person friendly. Anywho l thought was great. Some mistakes including my backstory, l'm a daughter of Mania e.e, goddess of Insanity & Death. Gosh doood. <p> This is my positive side of my review. I would give it eh, probably four stars, give or take. Although, it was entertaining. L want to be subtle about this review, but l would like to make suggestions. Beacause people are offering to be in the story, pick people who would have a slight impact on the story. Perhaps their traits, personality, or Godly Parent. Overall, it was enjoyable for an opening.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I give this chapter 3 stars. The over all plot was good, even though not alot has been introduced yet, but you need to work on a few things.<p> 1. Your POV. You seem to keep switching, even in the middle of a sentance, your POV. You start to talk in 3rd person, but then you change to 1st person for a bit, and then back to 3rd. If you were to publish this, you would get rejected roght away. It's too confusing for readers.<p> 2. Chapters. I understand what you are trying to do here, but having three different chapters, all with different POVs, in 6 pages. . . No. You need to spread out your chapter.<p> 3. Your Voice. Whether you are in 3rd person or first, you always seem to have a very slatey, robotic voice. 'VicMars sits at the table. He eats his lunch. Nate glares at the other kids.' That makes people want to stop reading. This is alot better. Listen. 'VicMars sits, minding his own buisness. It was a bit unerving to be sitting at the Athena table, but he was fine. Nate tried to stirr up converstaion while tey ate by making small talk. Some of the Athena cabin members started giving VicMars dirty looks for sitting at their table. Nate shooed them away by shooting them a return glare.' See how much voice you can put into this?<p> Over all, pretty good.<p> - Gemma
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Add me
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Nice story, Kenny! Whoo. I could visualize everything and that is totally Jordan. xD
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Nice writing, bruh.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lukas. Son of hades. Usally doesnt talk to anyone but strong in battle. Likes to shadow travels and use skeletons.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
CAN I BE IN IT IM JASON SON OF HADES IN THIS STORY
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Good story but pov kept changing even eithout action it was pretty good one question chould you add me if not its fine though son of mars
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Chapter One- Victor a.k.a VicMars<br>I woke up at the sound of the wake whistle. Gods, I hated it. Ever since the stupid Hypnos Cabin slept through three days, they had the "wake up whistle", which they usually blew at 8:05 on the dot. What a better way to wake up on Saturday Morning. I got dressed into my white polo and blue jeans and my white DC's and darted out the cabin. Well, I'm Victor Mars. Most nicknamed me "VicMars", which kinda hung on me. I am Apollo's Son. Most of my siblings were all ready in the Pavillion, eating. So, there was no space on the Apollo table for me to sit."Damn." Vic sighed and grabbed my tray of food and sat in the corner of the floor, right next to the Hermes Table. Vic really didn't want to eat on the floor, then this kid about 5'5", tan skin and black hair stood in front of me. "Um, do I know you?" Vic looked up at him and asked. The kid shook his head. "Nope. But, as Athena Cabin Leader, you can sit at our table. There's 'nuff room. Follow me. Oh! I'm Nathan, by the way." VicMars stood and followed Nathan as he sat at the Athena Table, right next to him. Some of the Athena kids got disgusted by him and left, but Vic could care less. "I'm Victor Mars. Call me VicMars." Vic smiled at Nathan. CHAPTER TWO- Nathan Satyr<br>Nathan looked at VicMars. "Cool nickname." Nate nodded, then finished his Orange Juice Cup. Nate then studied VicMars, his black spiked hair, his one chipped tooth and his tanned skin. "Who's your parent, Vic?" Vic finished his Breakfast Sandwitch, "Apollo." Nate glared at the other Athena children who snuck in dirty looks at VicMars every now and again. The Breakfast whistle blew from a 5'7" guy with brown hair and small pimples; Barry. Nate and Barry had a little rivalry now and again. They'd sabotage eachother during the War Games. Barry was the Son of Zeus, he was usually in charge of things when Chiron was out. "All right! Monster Studies Class today! Mr. D will teach today. The Class in the Morning report to Class!" The Camp was getting huge that they had Monster Studies at three different times. Morning, Afternoon, Evening. Nate grabbed his bookbag and looked at VicMars. "Don't ya got Morning Schedule too?" Vic nodded as he grabbed his notebook and his pen as he followed Nate into the class. Mr. D stood behind a desk as the demigods found their seats. The tables had five to a table. Nate and Vic sat at the same table, no one with them. Until, a bruenette wearing her CHB T sat at their table. "Oh! Hey, Nate!" Nate smiled. "Hey, Trinity." CHAPTER THREE- Trinity<br>Trinity smiled, then turned to VicMars. "This a friend of yours?" Nate nodded. "VicMars, meet Trinity. Trinity, VicMars." Vic smiled and waved at Trinity. Trinity gave a small smile and waved back. "Hello, rodents! I mean students! I hope you all studied for the quiz!" Groans and mutters came throughout the class. "Now, now! There is only 10 Questions." Trinity was the Daughter of Hecate, though she didn't get the quite hang of magic at the moment. Mr. D read a book as kids did their test. A 5'10" guy tapped Nate on the shoulder and whispered, "Why are you sitting with losers?" Apparently, it wasn't the best whisper since Vic and Trinity heard. Trinity rolled her eyes as VicMars frowns. Nate shook his head. "Go away, Jordan. They're not losers." Trinity thought that was nice for Nate to stand up for them, but stupid. Jordan was the Son of Ares. Jordan pushed Nate's head against the desk as Nate growled and Mr. D saw. "Hey!"
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
MindprinterPF More than 1 year ago
&quot;KC, at BAT&quot; is a wonderfully entertaining and thoughtful read by a master storyteller. The writing is flawless, the characters believable and the story downright hypnotic. I read it in two sittings, and when I turned the final page on my Kindle, I just didn't want it to end. I can't say as I feel this way often, but &quot;KC, at Bat&quot; is that good.&quot; Anyone, gay or straight, will easily identify with the book's two main characters, KC and Charlie, and with the universal themes of first loves, loss and regret. Fans of Mr. Mendicino's work, especially his highly praised debut novel, &quot;Probation,&quot; now have another reason to celebrate.