Life's Journey

by Kathy Herzog

Overview

Born in a small town in Wisconsin, Kathy Herzog never imagined the trials and heartache that would come into her life. Yet despite it all, she would emerge to become a stronger, more courageous woman.

Deeply intimate, Life's Journey tells Kathy's bittersweet, true story of how she endured divorce, infertility, and her husband's illness-and yet was still determined to forge a happy life. She details her early college days, her painful divorce at the age of thirty, her journey to graduate school, and the pain of long-distance relationships.

Kathy shares how she met the love of her life, David, whom she married in October of 2001. After struggling with infertility, Kathy became pregnant in 2004. Even as they rejoiced, their joy was overshadowed by David's health problems. When they discovered that David had cancer, Kathy wondered how she would survive-yet survive she did.

Through long months and years, Kathy worked through life's challenges to create a new "normal" life for herself and her family-and succeeded. Life's Journey is a moving testament to the strength of the human spirit.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781462072880
Publisher:	iUniverse, Incorporated
Publication date:	02/17/2012
Pages:	144
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.34(d)

Read an Excerpt

Life's Journey

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By Kathy Herzog

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Kathy Herzog
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-7288-0

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Chapter One

New Beginnings

The story of my life is not so different from many other women's lives. However, not many women could say they have been married three times and became a widow at thirty-five. This is my story. I hope that by sharing my narrative, other women in similar situations will find comfort and strength when it seems there isn't any to be found.

Raised in a small town in north central Wisconsin, I was naive and not aware of what happens when a young woman is out on her own for the first time.

Yes, I had gone to college for two years prior to moving to Illinois. In college, I experienced beer parties and dorm life, but I had no idea what it was like to be in a serious relationship. I was accustomed to being independent and not having to answer to anyone about my whereabouts. I enjoyed this freedom and was not ready to face the journey ahead of me.

In January 1990, I began working as a live-in nanny for a couple who had three children. I enjoyed caring for their three-year-old daughter and twins who were six weeks old when I started my employment. The freedom of living on my own and being responsible enough to be entrusted with the care of children felt terrific. I enjoyed having my weekends off, and I began to explore the social activities that the small town in northern Illinois offered.

At first, it was difficult to get to know people. How does a single young woman go about meeting people and making friends? I decided to attend one of the local clubs in town and see what the atmosphere was like. The loud music and various people were exciting to me. I enjoyed watching others dance and would sit at the bar and slowly sip a beer or wine cooler while listening to the beat of the music.

After hanging out at this club for several months, a very tall, thin, balding guy approached me. He asked if I would like to dance, and I excitedly accepted his invitation. We danced to a couple of fast songs and then made our way back to the bar.

We started a casual conversation about where we worked and what our hobbies were. It was nice to meet someone new, and we enjoyed each other's company. At the end of the evening, Jim asked for my phone number, and I gave it to him without a second thought.

It was early the next week when Jim called to see if I would like to go out with him. I accepted his invitation, and we met the following weekend at his house. It was small and clean, and I had the impression that he had cleaned just to impress me. We actually stayed in and watched a movie on television. The night was casual, and at the end of our date, Jim kissed me. I was surprised and a little taken aback. Was this normal? Were things moving a little too fast? I had nothing to compare this relationship to, so I just went with the flow.

Jim and I began dating on a regular basis. Sometimes we would go out to the local club. Other times we would meet at his house. There was more privacy at his place than trying to find privacy at the home where I was working as a nanny.

One Saturday afternoon, Jim and I went to Rockford, Illinois, to look at vintage records. Jim had a record collection and wanted me to share the experience of looking for records with him. It must have been pretty evident that I was bored with the entire shopping escapade, because I heard him whisper to the clerk, "I don't think she would be here if she weren't here with me." This was true. I hadn't ever pictured myself in a record store looking at albums that were older than I was.

My relationship with Jim continued on a steady basis. Typically, we would see each other only on weekends, because we were both busy with our jobs during the week.

One evening as we were sitting at his home, the mood became very sensual. Jim and I began making out and kissing a lot. The next thing I knew, he was asking me if I wanted to go to the bedroom and have intercourse. Not the romantic way I had envisioned getting to know a guy. Honestly, we had been intimate before, but I was having my period at the time and had no interest in any sexual encounters that evening. Then Jim said, "Well, how about if you just please me in other ways?"

I was horrified and disappointed. Never before had I experienced this, and I really didn't know what to do. The first thought that came to my head was, Get the hell out of here. So I made up some lame excuse about being tired and left.

Shortly after that date, my feelings for Jim changed. I no longer felt comfortable around him. So one evening when he called me on the telephone, I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore. He reluctantly accepted my feelings, and we said our good-byes after a very brief conversation.

Even though this relationship did not work out, at the ripe age of twenty-two, I believed I really knew what I wanted out of life. I had a job I loved and felt like I was on top of the world.

Chapter Two

Dating Experiences

During the summer of 1990, I met a thin, lonely guy at one of the clubs in a small town in southern Wisconsin. I was tired of hanging out at the local club and wanted to get some different socializing experiences. As I hung out at the bar nursing a wine cooler, I stared off into space and listened to music selected by the disc jockey. I admit, I must have looked lonely and out of my element. I wasn't a regular at this club, and I tried to look like I was having a good time. In reality, I was bored and regretted my decision to come to the club in the first place.

However, after a short while, Mark came up and asked if I would like to dance. This guy was not my type, but he seemed just as bored and lonely as I was, so I accepted his invitation. After dancing to a few songs, Mark asked if he could buy me a drink. I accepted, and we started talking about our jobs and other various subjects. It was getting late, and I was ready to head home. I had at least a thirty-minute drive, and I was tired. Mark asked me for my phone number, and I gave it to him thinking that he most likely wouldn't call me.

The next day he called and asked if I would like to meet him at his house. I was pleasantly surprised and a little apprehensive as well. Sure, we had talked the night before, and I had found out that Mark was legally separated from his wife. He also had a daughter who was two years old. I didn't have a problem with him having a child, but in the back of my mind, I kept second-guessing my decision to go on a date with him. This guy was still legally married to someone else. This little voice told me, Kathy, he's still married; maybe you should wait until he is divorced to date him.

However, I ignored that little voice and accepted Mark's invitation to visit him at his house. I arrived a little after 7:00 p.m. Mark was playing with his daughter and getting her settled in for the night. What struck me was how calm and devoted he was to his daughter. He seemed to be a very caring and happy father despite the problems he was having with his wife.

Mark and I played with his daughter for a little while longer, and then he put her to bed. I waited patiently while he tucked her in and got her settled for the night. The television was on, so I sat on the couch, watching the show on the screen.

When Mark came from the bedroom, he apologized for the wait. I told him it was no problem. I knew that children were a first priority, and making time for a spouse or girlfriend, whatever the case may be, is second. Mark and I cuddled on the couch, and he told me more about his recent separation. He and his wife couldn't make it work but were still legally married until they could pay off some debts. This was understandable. However, I still felt guilty about dating someone who was still legally married.

Again, I pushed those thoughts aside because I really liked Mark and wanted to get to know him better.

Mark and I started dating on a regular basis. Sometimes I would travel to southern Wisconsin to see him, and other times he would drive to the town where I was living in northern Illinois. It was becoming a comfortable relationship, and we both enjoyed spending time with each other.

For my birthday in July, Mark took me to a fancy Italian restaurant in the town I lived. The restaurant was quite expensive, and I commented on how good the food was. Mark said, "Well, I hope so, because this cost me a lot." This remark made me feel guilty, because I knew he was already stretched beyond his financial means. But he could have recommended a less expensive place for dinner, and I would have been just as happy.

The week after my birthday, I traveled back to my hometown in north central Wisconsin. I enjoyed the time visiting friends and family. My parents and I talked about my relationship with Mark. I told them that he was not yet divorced but was legally separated from his wife. I also told them that he had a young daughter. My parents didn't tell me not to go out with Mark anymore; they said it was my decision but that I should think seriously about this relationship. Did I want to be a stepmother if this relationship was serious? Would I be happy dating this guy until he got a divorce?

These thoughts weighed heavily on my mind as I drove back to northern Illinois after my weeklong vacation. I kept thinking about what my parents had said. Did I really feel good about this relationship? Truthfully, the answer was no. I kept convincing myself on the drive back to Illinois that I needed to break up with Mark as soon as possible.

Once I arrived in Illinois and unpacked, I decided to call Mark. I couldn't put off the inevitable. I'd feel better about the whole situation if I went through with the breakup and moved on. I dialed Mark's number. I was nervous and apprehensive and thought, Will I sincerely be able to tell him how I feel? Mark answered the phone and asked me about my vacation. I told him it was fine.

Hesitantly, I told Mark that I didn't think we should see each other any more. He paused a few seconds, and then he said, "I think you have had other people influencing your decision—am I right?"

I tried to deny that remark and told him that, no, this was my decision. Mark asked if he could come see me and talk about this. Standing firm in my conviction, I told him that a discussion wouldn't be a good idea. Mark was clearly disappointed and eager to see me again. Finally, I convinced him that our relationship was over.

Chapter Three

Back on the Dating Wagon

For the next few months, I took a break from dating. I needed to clear my mind and think about my priorities. My job as a nanny meant a lot to me, and I wanted to be a responsible, caring caregiver to the children. But I also wanted to socialize and meet people in the community. I did talk with one of my employer's friends and we got along very well, but she was married and expecting her first child, so we didn't have much in common.

At the end of August, I decided to go back to the local club in town and see what was going on. I remember it was an extremely sticky, hot summer evening and I dressed to impress. I wore a short denim skirt and blouse. The ensemble looked nice, but was not comfortable for a hot evening. However, I was enjoying myself at the bar, nursing a wine cooler, and listening to the dance music.

After a little while, a tall, thin guy with curly, long brown hair came up and asked me if I wanted to dance. I accepted his invitation, and we danced to several fast songs. Alex and I made our way back to the bar, and he said, "Darlin', would you like another drink?" His southern drawl was sexy. We both got another drink and continued making small talk at the bar. Alex lit a cigarette and continued his conversation with ease. It was very easy and fun to talk with this guy. He was charming and very attentive to our conversation.

Alex and I talked some more, and then we went out on the dance floor a few more times. He asked for my phone number, and I gave it to him at the end of the evening without another thought.

Early the next week, Alex called and asked if we could go on a date. He had purchased tickets for Great America and wanted me to go along with him. "Sure," I said. "That sounds like fun!"

Alex told me that we could leave from his apartment on Saturday at around 9:00 a.m. That entire week I was giddy and excited. I had just met this guy who treated me like a princess. Was this too good to be true?

On Friday evening after work, I met Alex at his apartment. I had my bag of clothes packed and was ready for a fun weekend. That evening we went out for dinner. It was nothing fancy, but we talked and had a good time. We arrived back at Alex's apartment and he offered me one of his oversize T-shirts to wear to bed. I didn't know what to think; were we moving too fast? However, my fears quickly dissolved when Alex and I went to bed and slept the entire night.

The next morning we were both up bright and early. I was super excited, and Alex was in a good mood too. He didn't have a vehicle, so he drove my car since he knew where we were going. This was fine with me, because my sense of direction is terrible and I would have gotten us lost in no time.

On our drive, we talked about various things. Alex talked about his children. Yes, he had twins who were twenty-two, about the same age as I was. This surprised me, but I didn't really see a problem with it since I didn't think I would ever become a stepmother to his children. In fact, Alex hadn't seen his kids since they were about eight years old. He and his ex-wife had divorced, and there were some ill feelings between them. This also meant that there was about a twenty-year age difference between Alex and myself. This didn't bother me either, as I consider age to be irrelevant. You can feel and act like you're sixty even when you're forty if you don't take care of yourself and eat right. Alex was very fit and had a very active lifestyle.

Alex asked me if I had ever been to Great America. The last time I had been there was when I was in grade school, which had been many years ago.

Once we got to our destination, Alex parked my car in one of the parking lots near the amusement park. I was amazed at the big roller coasters. You could see them from the highway.

Alex paid for our tickets, and we headed off for a day of fun and excitement. I am not a big fan of carnival rides or roller coasters. But I felt protected and secure with Alex beside me holding my hand. We enjoyed walking around the amusement park and going on many of the rides. Alex bought us lunch, and we enjoyed talking and getting to know each other even more.

By the end of our day together, I was infatuated with Alex's suave southern charm. He had called me darlin' on several occasions, and this endearment made me feel very special. As Alex drove home that evening, we talked some more, and I felt happier than I had in a long time.

Alex and I spent the remaining weekend together. His bachelor pad left a lot to be desired. I was used to having a lot of room to myself. His apartment was no bigger than the entire basement of the house I was living in during this time! The apartment had one bedroom, a small living room, and a bath with no shower. It also had a certain flashback vibe to the seventies, a shag rug and brown furniture scattered throughout the apartment.

Our relationship continued to grow throughout the month of September. I would take the little girl I was caring for to preschool, and then visit Alex before I returned home to attend to other household duties. Each weekend, Alex and I would spend the entire time together at his apartment.

Alex soon came up with a nickname for me. He began to call me Katie, and it stuck like glue. Each time he introduced me to someone new, I was his girlfriend Katie. But this bothered my parents, because at the time we had a dog named Katie. My parents questioned why Alex had to use this nickname. I tried to assure them that it was just a nickname and not a big deal.

During the first few weeks of October 1990, the family I was working for decided to move to Minnesota. They had a home there, and the wife had just gotten a promotion, which required the family to move back to their hometown. I was disappointed and excited at the same time. I didn't want to leave Alex and move so far away. Our relationship was still growing, and I didn't want to be away from him for too long. However, I had an employment contract and needed to fulfill my duties at least until December of that year.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Life's Journey by Kathy Herzog Copyright © 2012 by Kathy Herzog. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Chapter 1. New Beginnings....................1
Chapter 2. Dating Experiences....................4
Chapter 3. Back on the Dating Wagon....................7
Chapter 4. Marriage Proposal....................10
Chapter 5. Moving Again....................12
Chapter 6. Life with Alex....................14
Chapter 7. The Breakup....................16
Chapter 8. Getting Married....................17
Chapter 9. Relationship Problems....................19
Chapter 10. Starting Over....................21
Chapter 11. Dating Once Again....................22
Chapter 12. Summer Blues....................24
Chapter 13. Blind Date....................25
Chapter 14. Conflict of Interest....................27
Chapter 15. First Date with David....................29
Chapter 16. A Budding Relationship....................31
Chapter 17. Falling in Love....................32
Chapter 18. New Year with New Love....................33
Chapter 19. More Responsibilities....................35
Chapter 20. Living Together....................37
Chapter 21. First-Time Teacher....................39
Chapter 22. Making It Work....................40
Chapter 23. Leaving My Job....................41
Chapter 24. Substitute Teaching....................42
Chapter 25. Our Wedding....................43
Chapter 26. Trying to Start a Family....................44
Chapter 27. Fertility Treatments....................45
Chapter 28. The IVF Journey....................46
Chapter 29. The Retrieval and Implantation....................48
Chapter 30. Bed Rest and Restlessness....................50
Chapter 31. The Pregnancy Test....................52
Chapter 32. My Pregnancy Experiences....................54
Chapter 33. Health Issues for David....................55
Chapter 34. My Brother's Wedding....................56
Chapter 35. Unexpected ER Visit....................57
Chapter 36. Emergency Surgery....................59
Chapter 37. The Diagnosis....................61
Chapter 38. Recuperating and Moving On....................62
Chapter 39. More Bad News....................63
Chapter 40. Biopsy Complications....................69
Chapter 41. A Bleak Prognosis....................71
Chapter 42. Oncologist on Board....................74
Chapter 43. Cancer Treatments and Challenges....................75
Chapter 44. Arrangements to Sell Our Farm....................77
Chapter 45. Preparations for the Baby....................79
Chapter 46. Final Chemotherapy Treatment....................80
Chapter 47. Saying Our Good-Byes....................81
Chapter 48. One Long Night....................84
Chapter 49. Pain and Sorrow....................86
Chapter 50. The Funeral....................88
Chapter 51. Trying to Cope....................89
Chapter 52. Baby on the Way....................91
Chapter 53. Anna Is Here....................93
Chapter 54. Single Mom Woes....................94
Chapter 55. Life Changes and Moving On....................95
Chapter 56. Meeting Someone New....................97
Chapter 57. Moving and Dating Again....................99
Chapter 58. Single Once Again....................100
Chapter 59. Internet Dating....................101
Chapter 60. Dating Ryan....................102
Chapter 61. Another Snorer....................103
Chapter 62. Ryan Moves In....................104
Chapter 63. Getting Remarried....................105
Chapter 64. Dealing with Major Life Changes....................106
Chapter 65. Our Wedding....................108
Chapter 66. Anna's Glasses....................109
Chapter 67. My Health Scare....................110
Chapter 68. Adding to Our Family....................111
Chapter 69. More Fertility Treatments....................112
Chapter 70. Another IVF Journey....................113
Chapter 71. Tough Decisions....................115
Chapter 72. Try, Try Again....................116
Chapter 73. Family Health Scare....................118
Chapter 74. Another Round of IVF....................121
Chapter 75. Pregnancy Complications....................122
Chapter 76. Dealing with Miscarriage and Loss....................124
Chapter 77. Adoption as an Option....................126
Chapter 78. Starting Our Adoption Journey....................128
Chapter 79. Relating to Others about Infertility Problems....................130
Chapter 80. The Picture Portfolio....................131
Chapter 81. Life's Lessons....................132