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Lord of the Paper Clips

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Long ago, in the mists of time (two weeks ago, actually), the Evil Lord, He Whose Name Must Never Be Spoken (Because It Is So God Damn Hard To Pronounce), Lord Shantnu created seven paper clips.

One for the CEO, a real phony,
Two for his ass kissing cronies,
Two for Finance and Legal, dark regions of doom where none survive,
And two for Sales and Marketing, places where customers are eaten alive.

The paper clips gave the bearers great power, and twenty percent off in the staff canteen. Plus, the...