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LOVE"A Man's Perspective"
By TINA CASH
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2012 Tina Cash
All right reserved.
Cedric Campbell is a Producer, Videographer, Film Maker, Actor, and Play-wright. He is a forty-two year old single man who resembles Denzel Washington.
Cedric states: I feel love is a common bond between two people who share the same or similar values of the other person. I have been in love before, but the love that I desire entails mutual understanding between my-self and my partner. My desire is a friendship that goes along with the idea of sharing commonalities and views. Not in a big way, in a simple way. Where there is always room for love to grow stronger.
Through my love hurts, I've learned not to be naive and to keep an open mind in my relationships. I allow myself to cope with the possibility that something may go wrong. Although, I am trying to stay optimistic, I'm leaving room for that maybe. Insecurity is not one of my character traits, nor am I egocentric.
I have met women who do not appreciate the small things. When the simple things are not appreciated, for me, I get bored and tend to want out of the relationship. I don't believe in playing elementary games. I'm either in or out. There comes a point in life where you have to grow up. I can't govern anyone else actions, only my own. There are times that you screw up in relationships, say the wrong thing, miscommunicate, or just don't know how to satisfy your partner. I can't be that fictitious dream that women look for. I'm going to have flaws.
Even with those flaws, like most men, I want to satisfy my partner. Sex and love are both important variables in a relationship. When you are just in a relationship for the thrills it is altogether different than when you are in love. When you are in love there is a completion. When the love and sex is combined it is better than any peppermint patty that I ever had.
Abstinence is the biblical way until marriage, but it is a problem for men and women. Although, I believe it is attainable if one desires. Society has tainted the hearts of men and women alike with visual acceptance of sex outside of marriage. Placing provocative scenes on television, and yes sex sells. Sex sells cars, liquor, lingerie and the list goes on.
Society also covers up the real meat of a relationship with material things. These material things consist of big rings, expensive gifts as priorities over men and women being in love. The everyday true life of the average person is hard working, vast responsibilities, bills, career—if not focused and balanced these could get in the way of what could be a good relationship. The choice is left to us to decide what's best. In the scheme of life, it can become messy, ad pressure if you are trying to live life happily married. Old people say "as time passes, love will cover the pressures of this world".
The question I ask: is do you as an individual embrace what life has to offer? Being rich or having material possession is not the answer. The money may only help with some of the relationship issues. I also ponder: what each person is expecting from the other? Why are you involved in the relationship? Are you truly in love? Or do you want the relationship because the person looks good, feels good or just a family tradition that you have to get married by a certain age? I don't believe you can truly be in love until you know spiritually who you are.
When you know who you are and that Christ lives in you; you will wait on God to send you a mate. Although I see nothing wrong with a woman flirting; this would help open up the dialog.
Starting a relationship is a give and take. When men go outside the relationship they are just taking. Some men cheat just to see if they can get away with it. The suspense of not being caught, it's like owning more than one car. You can pick and choose, giving a man a feeling of power. Some men feel it's advantageous to have more than one woman. It's a falsity of his imagination. Sometimes the act of infidelity has nothing to do with temptation. Having multiple partners make some men feel successful. What I call the MPS syndrome; Money, Power, and Sex. Dismissing what is truly important, Love.
Yes, love should equate to marriage. Not just sex, multiple partners or going outside your marriage. I look forward to a love that I can share, moments spent sitting by the ocean, eating strawberries, talking about life plans, simplicity; it doesn't take an air wave party; it's where life becomes serial in a sense. In my mind, you are the moment; whatever is going on outside of us doesn't matter.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Cor. 7:9 (NIV))
"Sexual pressure is not the best motive for getting married but it is better to marry the right person than to "burn with passion".
Consult God if you are in a relationship and dealing with sexual pressure due to the passion that you feel for each other. Ask God for his wisdom and staying power to remain abstinent. Although many may think abstinence is not thought of in this day. Abstinence is actually practiced more now than ever, not only due to moral conviction, but also due to the rise of sexually transmitted disease.
Seek God as in Proverbs 8:17: "I love them that love me; and these that seek me early shall find me." While seeking the love of another—God speaks and tells you to love wisdom, and if you seek it you shall find it. With wisdom comes understanding and the knowledge to know what you to look for in a mate. Love Gods wisdom and he will give it to you.
A young twenty-one year old Truck Driver, Ryan Miller is single but in a relationship. Ryan believes love is undefinable. He replies: Love is just a feeling, causing the bonds to meet. I can't stop thinking about the person; there is a certain feeling in your body, a quiver. It feels as if you are compatible, a reflection of who I am.
I believe you can have this feeling for more than one person in a lifetime; however it will never fell the same as the first time. I have loved with my whole heart, and I have also said I loved but didn't mean it. As a young man it was sex without loving the person. I processed my brain to believe if I don't fall in love, I wouldn't be set up for failure, hurt or pain. I lived life just fulfilling moments and the lust of my flesh. No ties or commitment; me going my way and them going theirs. As I have gotten older, I have learned differently.
Although I feel sex is at least sixty-five percent of importance in a relationship, it is not as important with the absence of love.
We have allowed society to place its values on us. Young people fill mature by performing the act of sex. Not realizing the consequences. Not knowing the true meaning of love, how to find it, or what it looks like. The non-realization of love has caused teen age pregnancy, singles raising two and three children by themselves, and a high divorce rate. People view sex as a hobby alienating love.
I believe faith in God or whatever you consider your higher power; will direct you to the perfect person for you. I personally prefer women who take charge and are a little aggressive. However an overly aggressive woman is a turn off. Men are made to be more dominant, but I support women rights, and that a woman has the right to voice her opinion. An opinion however is just that, if the man is the head of the household, the woman should allow him to perform as the head. Leaving final decision making to him and trusting what he decides is correct. This may sound a little male chauvinistic; however, some women say they want someone with a take charge attitude, knowing what should be accomplished. When given what they ask for, problems arise when things don't go their way.
If I love you, allow me to pursue you and ask to marry you. Love will eventually turn into marriage; if I am not pressured, coerced, or manipulated into marrying. I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking for that special someone. When you find love, you will know. Don't allow it to slip away.
I was in a relationship with a person (to remain nameless); that I dearly loved. They did not see, understand or receive the love. I put the person before God, family, and probably even myself. I learned she was not the person I thought she was. After this experience, I now look for other qualities in a person other than physical appearance. Are they caring, a motivator and a true help-mate? Although I know to look deeper, my preferences are short women, outgoing, ambitious, truthful, loyal and outspoken. It truly turns me off when a woman is a nagger, clingy or a snooper (loves to investigate).
Unmarried, I am in pursuit of unconditional love. If you find true love, stay with it, know it's the correct love (not infatuation or lust); before making any decision. My advice is to take your time and don't be in a rush, love will come to you!!
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than your selves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others. (Phil. 2:1)
Ryan's love for his partner was unselfish in his eyes, giving all. Although Ryan was hurt, God does not want us to have selfish love as stated in Phil 2:1. God's love for us was unselfish, as he gave his only begotten son for our sins. A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Prov. 17:17)
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem . . . It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; How hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. Emmet Fox (July 30, 1886-August13, 1951)
Larry McKinzie is a fifty-five year old Juvenile Detention Officer and Poet. Mr. McKinzie is married to a beautiful woman named Deborah. They wed twenty years ago and are still going strong.
Mr. McKinzie and Deborah were high school sweethearts. He left to go to the military and was stationed in Germany. During that time Mr. Mckinzie said; Deborah wrote while I was away, one day a specific letter came and a light bulb went off, I knew at that point she was the one. I wrote her every day for the next fourteen days in a row. I proposed and of course she couldn't turn me down, and said yes. There was something special about this woman. As time went on and I returned home from the military we became husband and wife.
I found a love. She can read my mind and I can read hers. We finish each other's sentences. We know the dos and don'ts of each other, not to cross the line, giving the respect due to one another. We became one.
Love is deeper than just sex. Most people think love and sex are the same. Once they perform the act of sex they assume they are in love. Love is lasting. Sex is fleeting. Love is selflessness. Sex is self-gratification. Animals have the instinct to have sex with no feelings. Humans consider this action as animalistic behavior. However, some humans also have the ability to have sex with no feelings, although we were created to have thoughts and feelings which can evolve into love, not just the act of sex.
I love Deborah as an individual, her mind, thoughtfulness and caring attitude. Deborah initially was the pursuer of the relationship. I was a little taken back, but it was not a turn off for me. I realized she knew what she wanted, and I fell deeply in love as she was what I wanted as well. I'm not suggesting that women should go and pursue after men. This was our circumstance and it worked out well.
I have a saying, that there a four things that women need. A woman needs a Jaguar in her garage, a mink in her closet, a tiger in the bed, a jack-ass to pay for it all, and a seal—to seal the deal.
7 I form the light, and create darkness, I make peace, and create evil; I the Lord do all these things.
8 Drop down, ye heavens, from above and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, and let them bring forth salvation, and let righteousness spring up together; I the Lord created it. (Isaiah 45:7-8)
God created all of the above. He also has your mate created exactly for you. Be still and wait on him. The Lord God handles all things. Allow him to handle this area of your life.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back
But keeps going to the end.
(1 Cor. 13:3-7)
Thirty-four year old Sherman Delva is a Detention Officer and Preacher; divorcee with three wonderful children. Sherman believes that respect is the most important attribute of love. Sherman expounds: if a woman loves a man she would do everything in her power to understand him. We live in a world where the whole world is on the man's shoulders and we can come home frustrated. In the African American culture sometimes the man takes his frustration out on his wife, not intentionally, but because of the stress. African American women take it personal and lash back at the man. The woman is not understanding of the man's hard day at work and the stress the man is under. I believe that a woman should understand and deal with everyday issues that may incur. Love is understanding, putting up with your spouse when they are not loveable, respecting and not embarrassing your spouse in front of people, not exposing the skeletons in your closets, covering and acknowledging each other even when undeserved. Love is putting up with each other's baggage, and being submissive as the woman.
My favorite quote of love is: "It is impossible to fall out of love, love is such a powerful emotion that once it involves you it does not depart, true love is eternal, if you think you were once in love, but fell out of it, than it wasn't love you were in. There are no exit signs in love; there is only an on ramp" (Author unknown). My take on how you know when you are in love is, even when your significant other gains weight, it wouldn't matter. You want to protect and be there for her if anything bad happens in her life. You don't hold grudges, release and forgive. You don't allow your emotions to control your actions. When things go sour or you have disagreements, you don't try and look for another woman or go outside of your commitment. You stay and work on the relationship.
If you love someone you don't intentionally hurt them. You don't play with emotions.
If you are not married you should not partake in sexual conduct. Sex is physical but also an emotional attachment. It should be a part of love but not love itself. Sex is important but also dangerous. If not married, one individual could perform the act for only physical pleasure, while the other person is emotionally attached. This leads to hurt and pain on one party or the other. When having sex you are giving of yourself, while the sex is temporal, love is eternal. If I give of me, I want the eternal love.
People in general abuse the word Love. As song writer Kirk Franklin said: "Love a word that comes to me but few people really knows what it means to love somebody." Another song writer wrote: "love so many people use your name in vain." I believe people abuse love because they don't understand it.
As a preacher I don't see religion as love. There are so many types of religion. I do believe that Christianity and love intertwine. As a Christian you should show the love of God to all those that you come in contact. This should include your spouse, fiancé, or girlfriend. If you are not married, I think the man should pursue the woman. Women, yes your outer appearance is important. A man cannot initially see your spirit or your soul. Men are visual beings, we pay attention to a woman's hair, feet and nails; and if she is well groomed and attractive. That is the natural side of a man, after we see what we like, we then look deeper for other characteristics. I prefer a woman that is not deceptive, very genuine, someone I can call a friend, and submissive. It is a total turn off if a woman is a liar has wrong motives, a bad attitude, arrogant, and prideful.
When I love, I love hard, not looking at the money a woman makes, or what she can bring to the table. Love goes beyond income or economic status. I love the person for who they are. The divorce rate has escalated due to misguided expectations. The wedding vows usually say, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part. If we truly love, we would keep those vows. Jesus said "if you love me, you would keep my commandments". So I think we should relate that statement in every part of our lives, not breaking promises or commitments. When couples get married they focus so much on the wedding, investing thousands of dollars on the event. Instead of investing on the actual event, they should invest in the relationship to maintain the marriage and not end up in divorce.
Although I am a divorcee, I do not agree with divorce. I am looking forward to marriage again, and in my new wife the qualities I would like to find include a woman that loves God first. If she loves God, then she will accept God's guidance on how to love me.
Psalm 59:9—O my Strength, I will watch and give heed to you and sing praises, for God is my Defense (my Protector and High Tower).
Women and men have the assurance that God will watch over you. He will protect you from the counterfeit, imitator, perpetrator, and those who are not for your best interest. He is the strength you need to hold on until that right person is sent your way. Praise God ahead of time for his strength and protection.
Pastor Sherman describes the love he desires, he describes that the women will love God. If she loves God she should possess the fruit of the spirit. The fruit of the spirit [holy spirit] which can only be given by God is described in Galatians 5:22-23 (Amplified Bible)—But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraining, continence). Against such things there is no law.
Excerpted from LOVE by TINA CASH Copyright © 2012 by Tina Cash. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR....................97