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Men of Courage
By Jr. Lawrence J. Crabb ZONDERVAN
Copyright © 2013Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr., P.H.D., P.A., dba, Institute of Biblical Counseling
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-33692-1
Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
A Vision for Men
Married less than two years. And things were terrible. He felt lost, confused, angry. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to talk to his dad. More than anything, he wanted his dad to understand, to be there with him, to look on him kindly, with involvement and respect, to neither lecture nor shrink back.
His father had always been his hero, the model for everything good. Successfully married for thirty-four years to his faithful mother, a woman who never complained, who always stayed at home. He could remember hearing her express interest in working at the nearby children's hospital—she really liked kids—but his dad always brushed her aside with a smile and a gently reproving reminder that he would provide for his family.
At church, too, his dad was a wonderful example. An elder, he served the elements at the monthly Lord's Supper, fought to keep the midweek prayer and Bible study when the new associate pastor suggested home groups instead, never drank (everyone knew it), faithfully tithed, held family devotions most every night, kept three children always under control. "Your family is such a good testimony" was a phrase he often heard addressed to his dad, who always smiled and gave God the glory.
Why did the twenty-minute drive to his father's home seem so long? Why the terrible tightness in his chest?
"Dad," he began, "I've got to talk to you. Things in my marriage are really horrible. I don't know what to do."
The smile. That same smile that kept his mother at home for thirty-four years. The same one that others thought humble. He realized then, for the first time, how much he hated it.
His dad spoke: two book titles, followed by advice to read Ephesians 5, then the suggestion that he commit everything to the Lord.
"But, Dad!" he nearly exploded. "I've read the books, I've studied Ephesians 5, and I've prayed as best I know how. I want something more from you!"
His father sat still. The smile faded, replaced by a look that could kill, a look he had seen before but never directed at him. Silence. A terrifying moment of tension, and then his father stood up and, without a word, left the room.
"That was the first time," he later admitted, "I realized my father was a weak man."
* * *
I wonder what it would look like to see a man who was utterly abandoned to God.
On the wall next to the desk in my office, the words of D. L. Moody hang written, framed, and positioned so that I see them every day:
The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to him. I will try my utmost to be that man.
I love to read biographies, the stories of men like Oswald Chambers, C. S. Lewis, John Knox, Jonathan Edwards, Augustine, Paul, and Jeremiah. As I read about their lives, I get the impression that our current ideas about masculine maturity are a far cry from what godly men of earlier generations understood and practiced.
We talk a lot today about things like vulnerability and the courage to feel our pain. They seemed more interested in worship and witnessing. We speak of honest communication and living up to our potential. They fell to their knees in brokenness and got up to serve.
I wonder if the virtues we try to develop came naturally to those men from years ago whose toughest battles were fought against whatever kept them from knowing Christ.
We get together in small groups to share our feelings and to discuss principles for relating more intimately or building self-esteem. They took long walks with older men who spoke easily about God and broke into prayer without warning.
During his "dark night of the soul" (which lasted several years), Oswald Chambers was out shooting rabbits one day with John Cameron, an old friend from Scotland, accompanied by two dogs. The purpose of the hike was to hunt, but when they came upon a grassy bank, Cameron suggested they stop for a while and pray.
"We knelt down and he led in prayer," Chambers wrote of the occasion. "Then I began to pray, but the young collie dog, who had been perfectly quiet during the old man's prayer, imagined I was meant for nothing but to play with him, and he started careening around, pawing me all over, licking my face, and yelping with delight. Cameron rose from his knees, sternly took the dog by the neck and said 'Hoot, hoot, I will sit on the dog while you pray.' And he did."
Men from earlier generations often slugged it out in intensely personal battles that lasted for years, battles that lessened only when they abandoned themselves more fully to Christ. The joy of finding Christ was released through brokenness over sin, brokenness that led to worshipful abandonment to God. Knowing Christ intimately developed through a deep work of God's Spirit that took place primarily during long seasons of agonizing prayer in solitude.
It can be argued that men today tend to be more relationally sensitive than our stern forefathers. Perhaps we are more aware of "connecting" with our wives, children, and friends. Maybe we are learning that real men are both tender and strong, in ways that older men never clearly understood.
But whatever gains we have made in contemporary society have been largely stripped of their value, because most of us have lost the depth of connection with Christ that only comes through unexplained suffering, excruciating brokenness, and deep repentance.
This book is a call to return to old paths, not to give up the good lessons that more recent Christian thinking has taught us but to go back to a much stronger focus on finding ourselves by losing ourselves in Christ. I want to see us push aside our efforts to solve our problems, heal our pain, and recover our self-esteem! I want to clear the stage for Christ to fill the spotlight; I want to fix our attention so completely on his beauty and power that every other thought is scented with his fragrance.
Worshiping him, praying to him, eagerly looking for him throughout all the Scriptures, humbling ourselves before him in brokenness over our pride and our lukewarm devotion, waiting upon him to fill us with his Spirit, serving him with single-minded purpose and a passion that consumes all others: these are the old paths to which we must return.
As you read this book, do not lose sight of one simple truth: The only way to be the man you were designed to be is first to be godly. In our day, men are looking for their manhood more than they are seeking God. Too many men make the mistake of studying masculinity and trying to practice what they learn, without paying enough attention to their relationship with God. Do we really love Christ, or is our passion more contrived and wavering than genuine and steady? Are we growing in a holiness that draws others (particularly our families) to Christ, or do we exhibit a fervency—and practice a conformity—that merely impresses others with our zeal?
Ron was part of a weekly, early morning men's group at his church. They talked about battles with lust, tensions at home, worries at work. They prayed and sang together; they embraced one another and sometimes wept; they held each other accountable. Ron always left these meetings pumped up and ready, as a man, to take on his world. He couldn't have been more surprised when his wife asked him one day to stop attending the group. She didn't like its effect on him. She felt he came away more excited than tender, more resolved to do the right thing than to involve himself with his family and friends.
Our best efforts will never produce authentic man
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Men of Courage by Lawrence J. Crabb Jr.. Copyright © 2013 by Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr., P.H.D., P.A., dba, Institute of Biblical Counseling. Excerpted by permission of ZONDERVAN.
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