Motherhood Smotherhood: Fighting Back Against the Lactivists, Mompetitions, Germophobes, and So-Called Experts Who Are Driving Us Crazy

Motherhood Smotherhood: Fighting Back Against the Lactivists, Mompetitions, Germophobes, and So-Called Experts Who Are Driving Us Crazy

by JJ Keith


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What’s the first thing a woman does when she thinks she might be pregnant? She Googles. And it goes downhill from there. While the internet is full of calming and cheerily supportive articles, it’s also littered with hyper-judgmental message boards and heaps of contradictory and scolding information. Babies on Boards takes parents through the trenches of new parenting, warning readers of the pleasures and perils of mommy blogs, new parent groups, self-described “lactivists,” sleep fascists, incessant trend pieces on working versus non-working mothers, and the place where free time and self-esteem goes to die: Pinterest (back away from the hand-made flower headbands for baby!).
JJ Keith interweaves discussions of what “it takes a village” really means (hint: a lot of unwanted advice from elderly strangers who may have grown up in actual villages) and a take-down of the rising “make your own baby food” movement (just mush a banana with a fork!) with laugh-out-loud observations about the many mistakes she made as a frantic new mother with too much access to high speed internet and a lot of questions. Keith cuts to the truth—whether it’s about “perfect” births, parenting gurus, the growing tide of vaccine rejecters, the joy of blanketing Facebook with baby pics, or germophobia—to move conversations about parenting away from experts espousing blanket truths to amateurs relishing in what a big, messy pile of delight and trauma having a baby is. It turns out those little buggers are more durable and fun than we think they are!

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781629146584
Publisher: Skyhorse
Publication date: 10/14/2014
Pages: 176
Product dimensions: 6.20(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

JJ Keith: JJ Keith’s writing about parenting has appeared throughout the Internet, including at Salon, the Huffington Post, Babble,, xoJane, the Hairpin, Alternet, and Role/Reboot, and in print in Reader’s Digest, the Sydney Morning Herald, and Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two children.

Table of Contents

Introduction xi

The World's Slowest Developing Polaroids 1

Why, Yes. There Is a Person Lodged in My Abdomen. Thanks for Asking 7

The Birth of Noble Savage Fever 13

They Don't Come with Instruction Manuals for a Reason 23

Stick It 31

How to Manage Baby's Social Calendar 45

Fresh Air, Groceries, New Jeans, and Other Things Parents Need 49

Baby Pics FTW! 61

Making Breast Milk Is Not a Superpower 67

My Post-Kitten Bod 73

Some Hard Truths about the Village That It Takes 77

Let's End This Homemade Baby Food Nonsense 83

Pinned Down 89

So, How Do You Contain Your Infant's Feces? 97

The Wars That Must Not Be Named 103

It's Not Babysitting if a Parent Does It 111

I'm the Only One Who Gets to Call My Kids "Crotch Fruit" 119

Words with Friends Is My Friend 123

Mmmm … Germs 129

Balloons. Balloons! BALLOONS!! (And Maybe Elephant Rides) 135

Conclusion 143

Acknowledgments 149

Index 151

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