Table of Contents
Introduction 11
State 1 Shock: Holy Shits You're Pregnant 17
1 You're So Not Alone (Because There's a Baby Inside You) 19
2 Did I Screw Up My Chances for a Healthy Baby? 25
3 Are There Any Disadvantages to an Unplanned Pregnancy? 33
4 Ten Advantages to an Unplanned Pregnancy 35
5 Will My Life Be Over? 41
6 But I'm Not Even a Baby Person! 47
State 2 Help!: How to Deal with Pregnancy Obstacles 51
7 What Will People Say about Me? (Because I Know They Will Say Things) 53
8 If Your Friends and Family Start Acting Like Dramatic Weirdos 59
9 How the Hell Do I Get Ready for an Actual Baby? 65
10 How to Eat All the Stuff You Aren't Supposed To 75
11 Everything Is Beautiful (in Its Own Disgusting Way): A Public Service Rant 81
12 What Not to Wear, Unplanned Pregnancy Edition 89
13 Your New Boyfriend: Food 95
14 How to Deal with Emotional Upheaval 101
Stage 3 Logistics: Real-Life Stuff to Figure Out 109
15 What Will an Unplanned Baby Do to My Relationship? 111
16 Working Whilst Pregnant 119
17 Figuring Out Your Maternity Leave 127
18 Finding Good Child Care 131
19 You Are about to Lose One Precious Commodity Forever: Free Time 139
20 If You're Adding to Your Brood 147
21 What You Should Really Take Away from Birthing Class 153
Stage 4 Excitement: The Actual Baby Arrives! 161
22 The Baby Is Coming: A Few Thoughts on Labor 163
23 Holy Shit, You're IN LABOR 171
24 Welcome to Your New, Cliché-Ridden Life 177
25 Get Used to Feeling Like Shit for a While 187
26 Managing Visitors the First Few Weeks Home 193
27 What to Wear Postpartum 199
28 Breastfeeding: Kind of a Bitch 205
Stage 5 Rocking It: Your Life with Baby 211
29 The Great Baby Excuse 213
30 Four Types of Women When It Comes to Post-Birth Sex 217
31 How to Be Cool with a Baby 221
32 Being a Mom Isn't Easy-You'll Need a Little Help from Your "Friends" 229
33 All Babies Are Sweet, Precious Bundles of Joy, and Other Baby Myths 237
34 Reflections 243
Appendix: Resources 249
Index 253
