Open the Mind Heal the Heart: A Metaphysical Discussion About Grief and Recovery
208
Open the Mind Heal the Heart: A Metaphysical Discussion About Grief and Recovery
208eBook
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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781504362672 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Balboa Press |
| Publication date: | 11/04/2016 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 208 |
| File size: | 454 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Open the Mind Heal the Heart
A Metaphysical Discussion About Grief and Recovery
By John Cappello
Balboa Press
Copyright © 2016 John CappelloAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-6266-5
CHAPTER 1
Grief Comes Calling
It's 2 AM, and you are asleep. The phone rings, and you awake feeling a little startled. The first ring gets your attention and then comes the second. This ring is different from the first because you are annoyed and saying to yourself, "This is such a bother." You are gathering your thoughts quickly and coming out of your restful sleep. The ring is one of trouble, and you wonder if this is a prank call or one from a fumbling caller unaware that they are dialing the wrong number. You consider whether or not you should even reach over and answer the phone since it is most likely a worthless effort. Unknown to you at this time is that the grief process has begun, and you are entering a new chapter in your life.
By the time the third ring comes, your conscious mind is evaluating the situation. Is the call important? Lying in bed, you are hoping the caller will hang up realizing their mistake, but this does not happen. You have to make a decision quickly. The caller appears persistent, and you are finally convinced that you should risk answering the phone. Your thoughts are divided about this interruption in your sleep. After all, you have to get up in a few hours to go to work, and you do not want to waste your time. You answer the phone. It is a call that will change your life. It will be changed by grief.
Grief will be part of your life path, and it will teach you lessons that will challenge you in ways you never have experienced. The challenges you will face are not by choice, and there is no perceived advantage to go through the process you are beginning. Grief does not discriminate between individuals or show any kind of mercy to those it affects. Learning to live with the pain and consequences it brings will not be easy. The best strategy to overcome grief is to address it. Otherwise, it can overwhelm you.
When you start the grief process, there is no time table for you to follow, there is no "signup sheet", and you cannot force the process. Events around you will need clear thinking while you are suffering from emotional distress. Grief stretches you in ways you did not think were possible. Finding logical parallels for this time is difficult, but there are some real world examples that can give you clues about ways you can approach your circumstances. You will go back and forth in the stages of grief and be often bewildered.
The topic of grief is not one that we talk about until we experience it. Dwelling on negative situations is not something we want to do, but we find that when dealing with grief, we often draw upon other disappointments that give us clues about how to handle the latest situation. Disappointment is something that is necessary, whether or not we want to admit it. Learning to overcome obstacles broadens our character and teaches us that there can be resolution after a difficult time.
We often try to shelter others from having disappointment and failure in life, but these are aspects of the human experience. It can be argued that those who are sheltered from hardships in life do not appreciate the good things the Universe has to offer. Many people have a sense of entitlement, and when they are faced with a problem, they are unable to deal with the situation. The inability to figure out solutions can be devastating and has the potential of creating more grief for others if not recognized.
Grief may, in fact, offer opportunities for us if we can become aware of them. An enlightened individual may comprehend that the Universe has a natural course to it and does not discriminate when it allows difficulties to occur. It is the way we handle issues in life that determines whether we enjoy the fullness of the wonder of the Universe or are condemned to be victims of it. We can make matters better or worse depending upon our perspective and actions. Grief often makes a person "enlightened" after they have experienced loss.
Enlightenment can be another term for maturity, and it often comes from unexpected places and people. A child or someone who is perceived as innocent or lacking insight may suddenly offer a unique perspective or solution to an issue. The Universe often creates new sources of wisdom and knowledge around us. It can create new "leaders" in a family when a crisis is faced. If this does not happen, the family or group can disintegrate. More tragedy may result if an individual is alone and unable to gain a new perspective of reality unless they are able to take time to reflect. When they finally reach a cathartic moment, they will understand the concept of karma and that it plays a role in the lessons that we need to learn in this lifetime.
When we are experiencing grief, we often seek help from outside our immediate group. Advice from spiritual groups or professional counselors can be essential to the healing process, and there is no shame in asking for help. It is a proactive measure that allows us to "lean" on those not affected by our loss. We are social beings, and we need each other, for it is natural and normal to be with others who can give us healthy resources when needed.
My first experience with a major loss was the death of my father. He died in 1992 at the age of 66. His death could have been a tearful, emotional event for me had we had a close relationship, but we did not. I did not experience the expected type of grief created by the loss of a parent. I did, however, experience grief surrounding the problems he left for the family when he died. I learned that one tragic event can cause grief in many different areas of a person's life.
When my father was alive, we considered him to be a genius, but he had a bad temper and was a difficult person to get to know. His personality would change without notice and he could be violent if not handled carefully. Today, he would probably be diagnosed as bipolar, but we did not understand the disorder at the time. My relationship with him was up and down. As a result of the turmoil in the family, I left home for several months when I was fourteen years old. I could not take the raging that was going on there. As I grew older, we would go for years without speaking, then he would suddenly do something outrageous to bring us back together as a family. This would not last, and the pattern would repeat.
He once purchased a supermarket to bring me back into his life. The store only lasted a year to the day because we did not have the financing to manage it properly, but he did not consider this when he bought it. The failure of the store caused more years of estrangement between us. I guess, in his way, he thought he was doing something good, but the supermarket situation caused more hardship that was extremely difficult to overcome.
The death of my father did not come at 2 AM, but it came as a shock to me. He was not a physically healthy man, but he was relatively young. There was no reason to believe he would die at 66 years of age. The fact that he was mean and hateful lessened the intensity of my grief over the loss, but I do need to note that he did have some good points, and I did love him. It is always strange to lose someone you have known all of your life. It forces you to recognize our mortality, and your faith usually kicks in to let you know that you will see the person again under different circumstances.
Death is an ending and a beginning at the same time. I had to adjust to the reality of not having the stress of my father's life and personality around me any longer. It was somewhat welcomed to know he would no longer be a negative force in my life. My new reality of living in a world without worrying about his health or personality issues was, honestly, attractive. However, the reality of now being faced with solving the problems he left behind was not.
I used my personal experience as an illustration of one for the many sources of grief. The death of a parent is a turning point, and parents may also leave our lives by choice, through abandonment. This presents yet a different aspect of the loss of a parent.
Grief caused by any reason has stages that we all proceed through to some degree. Depending on the emotional connection between people, it often takes years to reach the later or final stages of grief. Restructuring our lives and reaching acceptance is not easy, but it can be done. We have to do the work necessary to move through the shock, denial, anger, restructuring and acceptance of the process.
My observations about grief are not necessarily about the Kübler-Ross stages of grief or any expanded version of them. The real key to overcoming grief, from my perspective, is getting from one stage to the next. Climbing the ladder out of the abyss that grief throws us into is the challenge. I have found that there is a mechanism of grief that the Universe presents to us that suits all forms of loss, the twelve categories. Furthermore, it is critical that we realize that a single event can radiate through multiple categories. Because it goes into several categories, it compounds the energy of grief and makes it even harder to overcome since it hits you in several aspects of your life. This can cause a type of emotional implosion. You must attack each of these areas. For example, losing a father not only affects the loss of father category, it can also affect the family's income, sibling relationships, family image, and other categories. Once I realized this, I was able to make sense of my situation. This perspective is the subject of this book.
Ultimately, it is up to us to make a difference in coping with grief. We have to become at peace with our circumstances and learn acceptance. Many times, it is forgiveness that is an integral part of healing. These qualities can then be accompanied by hope and joy for those we may have lost or letting go of a problem we have endured. These are the final goals we must strive to achieve if we are in the middle of being stricken with grief. It does take motivation and perseverance to attain success, but it is worth the effort. Without motivation, attending grief seminars or counseling is not sufficient to bear the fruit we need for a productive life.
Overcoming grief takes commitment, effort, and motivation. These can only be pursued by one person, and that one person is the one in grief. It is not easy, but this is the truth. There are many tools that can be obtained to assist in the process, but they are worthless unless acted upon. Knowing you are in grief and not having a willingness to do anything about it may be the largest stumbling block to overcoming its effects. This requires a decision to be made by the grieving person. We have to make decisions to allow us to move ahead.
Grief is an enormous topic to discuss because there are so many worthy perspectives of it. It is ironic that there are not many metaphysical viewpoints that tackle this large aspect of our lives because it appears to be so natural. The study of grief from the perspective of existence beyond the physical should capture the imagination of everyone who has an interest in metaphysics. There is a dispassionate yet logical explanation that the Universe gives us to study loss and grief. It gives us solutions to counteract the effects of loss, but realizing this at the moment we experience grief seems incomprehensible.
The Universe offers positive and negative energy that we must use to navigate this time while we are on this part of our soul's journey. These energies are not good or bad, they are simply challenges that we encounter. It is reality that grief is a part of our existence and that it is up to us to resolve the consequences of it. There is comfort in learning that the Universe offers tools that we can use to counteract grief. We can never change the fact that a loss has occurred, and the energy of grief has affected us. However, we can use the energy of the tools at our disposal to help us mitigate adversity around us. We will be exploring grief and the tools to blunt its influence as we progress through the material in the following chapters.
Relating to real-world examples and understanding previous grief experiences can help us cope with a current situation. Also, reading about others who suffered tremendous grief and triumphed over it is a good tool to use while we are processing our own circumstances. For example, reading about a famous person such as Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis after the assassination of her husband, President John F. Kennedy, may be inspirational for a person in grief. She endured the death of her husband from a violent act. Reading about those who have suffered the same type of grief you have endured can be a help.
We are fortunate to be living in a time when there are many resources available to us. However, our personal situations cannot be minimized. It is incredibly important for us to process grief experiences. A friend or loved one of a person going through intensive grief can only be supportive and cannot force a situation. It remains a lonely and individual path for one to follow.
When we began this chapter, we started with a phone call at 2 AM. A phone call like the one described can change a life forever and may be the beginning of difficult times. One's life path can be altered in an instant. It is without warning or preparation that we are forced to live and be expected to carry on with life's demands. Sometimes it is only the knowledge that we MUST carry on and that others want and need us in their lives that allows us to travel the unpleasant road of grief. It is your courage and determination that may have brought you to this point. Reading further means you are able to persevere and are already healing.
I know my life path changed when my father died, and I continue to walk that new path today. It is not necessarily a better way, but one that I accepted to suit my new circumstances. The new path changed me and forced me to work on my issues. I can reflect on my father and view him differently because of his death. The tragedy of a loss must be dealt with on an individual basis, but we must ultimately be proactive if we are to live a normal life. At the very least, a tragedy should make us a little wiser.
CHAPTER 2The Symmetry of Grief and the Universe
Imagine looking at grief as if it is a fish in a fishbowl. The fish remains the same, but it looks different from different angles. Looking in from all sides allows you to notice things that you may not have if you had only one view of the fish. This is how we are going to approach grief in the next chapters of this book. I was fascinated to see the way one event has power in so many areas of our lives; one event so tragic that it must be managed from many sides or perspectives.
Breaking down grief in a "linear" way allows you to understand the major event that has caused you serious emotional distress. It can be so devastating that it will not only change your emotional makeup, but it may cause you to undergo an appearance change as well. Severe grief may cause extreme weight gain or loss and may even cause you to feel and appear much older.
Trying to understand loss can be maddening, and if you are in a state of grief, you may not want to deal with it. You may be literally "pissed off" that this happened to you, but if you are able to stop and examine the situation, you can gain some perspective. Believe it or not, loss has a structure to it, and this structure is a key to solving the mystery of the grief you are feeling. This does not mean it is easy, but it will lead to better understanding, ultimately relieving you of the stress caused by your grief.
The next chapters describe the keys to unlock the chains of grief. Metaphysics indicates to us that grief is an energy that has corresponding energies that can neutralize it. We may not see or understand it when we are immersed in a grief cycle, but the Universe provides us with these neutralizing energies if we are willing and able to pursue them to fight off the effects of grief. The Universe works in cycles and provides us with clues as to the way it works.
The number twelve, for example, marks a cycle we commonly use in our lives. We have twelve months in the year. We use the number twelve for simple things like a dozen eggs and more sophisticated things such as the twelve apostles. The number thirteen is considered a bonus and used in terms like "bakers' dozen" and more profound ideas such as "redemption". The Universe is fascinating and takes care of the circle of life. It takes care of us, even when we do not think it does.
We acknowledge that there are stages of grief and that they are very important when moving through the process. However, the problem we have is getting to and through those stages. We can truly be at a loss when trying to understand how to move forward. Although they are not always obvious, the Universe has plenty of tools to help us.
There is no mistaking the symmetry of Astrology with the twelve signs of the Zodiac. These signs all resonate a different energy, and we use all of them in our lives whether we realize it or not. Astrology is being used here simply as a device. Grief and the corresponding relief from it are both contained in these energies, and the examples I will be sharing with you will help you comprehend the way they interact. When you start to analyze your particular issue, you will recognize that it falls into a category. Understanding the energies will help you shape your problems and enable you to find ways to cope, dissipating the effects of grief.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Open the Mind Heal the Heart by John Cappello. Copyright © 2016 John Cappello. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Preface, ix,Introduction, xi,
PART ONE, 1,
Chapter 1 – Grief Comes Calling, 2,
Chapter 2 – The Symmetry of Grief and the Universe, 8,
Chapter 3 – The Mechanics of Grief and Healing, 12,
PART TWO, 23,
Chapter 1 – Key 1 - Healing Requires Making a Decision, 24,
Chapter 2 – Key 2 - Expressing Gratitude, 41,
Chapter 3 – Key 3 – Adaptability, 55,
Chapter 4 – Key 4 - Learning to Cope, 68,
Chapter 5 – Key 5 - Take Action and Trust in the Universe, 78,
Chapter 6 – Key 6 - Healthy Habits and Giving Permission to Heal, 94,
Chapter 7 – Key 7 - Engaging Others, 107,
Chapter 8 – Key 8 – Humility, 123,
Chapter 9 – Key 9 - Exercise Integrity, 135,
Chapter 10 – Key 10 - Ambition and Goal Setting, 149,
Chapter 11 – Key 11 - Responsible Reflection, 162,
Chapter 12 – Key 12 – Time, 175,
Chapter 13 – Conclusions, 189,
About the Author, 193,