Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses

by Lizann Lightfoot

Overview

I wrote these letters to encourage you throughout your military life journey. Whether you are celebrating a milestone, surviving an unfamiliar challenge, or feeling unheard, you are not alone. I am here with you, from the first moments of falling in love with your service member, to attending your first military bail, giving birth while your spouse is deployed, and moving across country (or an ocean) on short notice. I know what it's like to be making new friends-again and again, finding strength to support other spouses in the community, preparing to leave active duty, and many other military life moments in between. This collection of Open When letters is meant to deliver that special message from a friend who understands, whenever you need reassurance, helpful ideas, or a simple reminder of your own strength. We've got this! With love from a fellow military spouse.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781934617595
Publisher:	Elva Resa
Publication date:	09/21/2021
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Lizann Lightfoot is a professional writer, military spouse, and mother of five. Her Open When letters are based on her experiences as a girlfriend, fiancée, and wife through two decades of her Marine husband's service, seven deployments, and several military moves. She is known in the military community as The Seasoned Spouse for sharing her experience with other military loved ones on her blog of the same name.

Table of Contents

Open When You Need This Book 1

New to Military Life

My Story: Did I Sign Up for This? 6

Open When

Your Lover Is in Basic Training 9

You're Dating Long Distance 13

Others Don't Understand Military Life 16

You Want to Get Married 19

You're Planning a Military Wedding 22

You Become a "Dependent" 25

You Visit a Military Installation the First Time 28

It Feels Like You Have No Friends 32

You're Looking for a Job 34

You Have Questions About Housing 36

You Need a Budget 40

You're Going to Your First Military Ball 43

You Spend Your First Night Alone 46

Handle With Care

My Story: Big News on a Post-it Note 50

Open When

The Military Throws You Curve Balls 53

You Celebrate Your Birthday Alone 55

You're Angry at the Military 57

You Love Your Military Life 59

You Have Trouble Sleeping 61

You Miss Important Family Events 64

You're Thinking About Having a Baby 66

You Want to Go Back to School 70

You've Been Insulted 73

You Don't Feel Welcome 76

You Feel Disconnected From Military Life 78

You're Envious of Other Couples 81

You Feel Out of Control 84

Your Service Member Is Injured 86

You Want to Pray 89

Your Marriage Needs Extra Encouragement 91

Changes of Address

My Story: When Does the Fun Begin? 96

Open When

You're Making Your First Military Move 100

You Want to Plan a Smooth Move 103

You Get Orders You Don't Want 106

You May Have to Live Apart 108

You Get Orders to Move Overseas 111

It's Time to Clean Out All the Stuff 115

Your Orders Change on Short Notice 118

You're Thinking About a DITY Move 121

You Say Goodbye to a Home You Love 125

Your Kids Don't Want to Move 127

You Have a Long Drive Ahead 130

Something Precious Is Lost or Broken 133

Starting Over Is Hard 135

You Need Friends in a New Place 138

Your Child Struggles at a New School 141

You're Stuck in Temporary Housing With Kids 143

You're Adjusting to Life in Another Country 146

You're Grieving Your Previous Duty Station 149

Sealed With a Kiss

My Story: Alone in the Storm 154

Open When

You First Learn About Deployment Orders 158

You Want to Feel Prepared 161

It's Time to Tell Your Children 164

You Will Give Birth Without Your Spouse 168

You're Thinking About Relocating During Deployment 172

Pre-Deployment Trainings Exhaust You 175

You Don't Understand Why You're Arguing 178

It's Time to Say Goodbye 182

Everything Is Falling Apart 185

You Want to Trust Your Loved One 187

You Miss a Phone Call 190

It Seems You Never Get to Talk 192

You Want to Set Goals 196

You'll Be Apart on a Special Occasion 198

You Have Little Ones Who Need You 201

The Kids Are Acting Out 204

You Hit the Deployment Wall 206

You're Planning Post-Deployment Leave 209

Family Members Want to Be at Homecoming 211

It's Almost Time for Homecoming 214

The Road to Reintegration Is Bumpy 217

Seasoned Spouses

My Story: Retirement Was Almost in Sight 222

Open When

You're Tired of Military Life 226

You're the Seasoned Spouse 229

Your Child Leaves the Military Nest 233

You're Searching for Your Identity 236

It's Time to Leave Active Duty 239

Epilogue: A Letter to Myself 243

Acknowledgments 247

Editorial Reviews

"... fantastic! ... book of love letters--each one full of loving advice from a seasoned spouse to the reader ... a great read for civilian friends and family members to help them understand what military spouses go through ..." --Sally Ann Zoll, EdD, CEO of United Through Reading

"... a breath of fresh air for a community starving for the metaphoric air of connection and support. Throughout the book, Lightfoot weaves the words of healing many of us military spouses are continually seeking in order to rebuild our souls through the toll created by 20 years of war and service. As a military spouse, it brings it all full circle and gives me the sense of not being alone. As a clinician, this book resonates and hits all the notes as a viral resource of support." - Jessica Manfre, LMSW, AFI 2019 Coast Guard Spouse of the Year.

"... Lizann has an incredible ability to take the reader along with her as if you are both sitting together in a coffee shop sharing stories. Every letter in this book is unbelievably relatable to every chapter in my life as a military spouse. I will be gifting this book to every military spouse I know." - Jen Pilcher, Navy spouse, founder of MilitaryOneClick and MilSpousefest, and CEO of Patriot Boot Camp.

"Open When is the transcription of a phone call to your military best friend/mentor whom you call when you are struggling or uncertain with an area of military spouse life. Lizann has taken that advice into the written form so no pearl of wisdom goes forgotten and you can access it again at any time. This is the book that you will pull out, thumb to a chapter and read to your friends when they too are venturing in unclear territory. It is the answer to the question often asked in retrospect 'Why didn't someone tell me this?' I immediately identified with her letters and thought 'it's like she was walking alongside me this whole time'." - Richelle Futch, LICSW, creator of Her Ruck.

"Open When by Lizann Lightfoot is a must-have resource for any military spouse. It's so much more than a book, and it's even more than a collection of letters written for any circumstance you'll encounter in your military journey. Within these pages, you'll find a friendly, honest conversation seasoned with hard-earned insights. A lifeline of support. A healthy, positive perspective that will recalibrate your thinking. So grab your coffee and your copy of Open When, and open it now. You'll be so glad you did." - Jocelyn Green, coauthor of The 5 Love Languages Military Edition and Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives

"Open When is a book relevant and a book needed to be read by our military spouse community. As military spouses we experience so many obstacles and sometimes we just need confirmation that our feelings, emotions, and reactions are justified. These letters validate our emotions, feelings, and reactions. No matter if you are a brand new military spouse seeking advice or recommendation or a seasoned military spouse, there is a letter in this book for you. This book is a wonderful example for military spouses to help them navigate this very unusual life." - Brittany Boccher, 2017 AFI Military Spouse of the Year and founder of Discover Your Spark.

"I remember clearly when my eldest son began his military career. Although I grew up in the military and married the military, I still had many questions about his new world. ... I recently had the opportunity to review Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses written by Lizann Lightfoot, the Seasoned Spouse ... Many of those letters are just what anyone who loves someone in our military needs. From nuts and bolts basics of military life to bigger issues of relationships and challenges ... I recommend this book for any military mom. It would be a great gift for any new military spouse. It is a trusted guide filled with reassurance and practical advice we can all use." - Elaine Brye, author of Be Safe, Love Mom: A Military Mom's Stories of Courage, Comfort, and Surviving Life on the Homefront.

"Military life is not always romantic and full of adventure. Sometimes, we need support with even the smallest part of this life. A truly Seasoned Spouse, Lizann turns an honored tradition of 'open when' letters for deployments and transforms it into small but profound reminders for those moments you need a boost and a best friend. Read it from cover to cover or by each topic--there is something for every moment. The perfect gift for every military spouse in every walk of life. Truly a MUST READ." - Noralee Jones, writer and creator at Mrs. Navy Mama.

"Reading Open When feels like a tight hug from a friend who gets it. This book is not only a must-read for military spouses at every stage of military life, but is a perfect guide for handling life's beautiful and difficult moments during seasons of deployment and military separation. Lizann Lightfoot artfully weaves encouragement with everyday wisdom for the modern military family throughout each and every one of her Open When letters. From actionable advice to personal stories that remind me I'm not alone in this lifestyle, Open When has quickly become my go-to source of inspiration and guidance." - Becky Hoy, founder of Brave Crate, cofounder of PILLAR.

"Starting out as a military spouse can be intimidating, and Lizann's book Open When is designed to take some of the guesswork out of it. Relying heavily on her personal experiences--which span over two decades of military life--she is able to offer first-hand advice on some of the more common situations military spouses find themselves in. It's hard to write about every possible situation and difference between the services, but Lizann is able to provide her reader with information, confidence, and a foundation on which to build. This book makes a great gift for a new military spouse or any spouse along this journey of military life." - Rebecca Alwine, Army wife.

From the Publisher