Pampered to Death (Jaine Austen Series #10)

Pampered to Death (Jaine Austen Series #10)

by Laura Levine
4.4 13

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Pampered to Death (Jaine Austen Series #10) by Laura Levine

When freelance writer Jaine Austen is surprised with an über-luxe spa getaway, she and her feline pal Prozac are eager to hit the road and bask in a week of pampering and pedicures. But what she gets is a California fat farm in disguise, complete with celery-juice cocktails, humiliating weigh-ins, and a zero-tolerance position on carbs.

Among her bulge-battling companions is Mallory Francis, a B-list movie star with a knack for making frenemies. When she's found strangled during a seaweed wrap gone awry, Jaine is hard-pressed to think of anyone who couldn't have done it. While the suspects mount faster than her hunger pangs, Jaine's search for truth, justice and contraband calories leads her straight to a cold-blooded killer--where murder may be on the menu once again. . .

"Her books are so outrageously funny, they always make me laugh out loud."--Joanne Fluke

Praise for Laura Levine's Jaine Austen series

"Delightful. . .Jaine's wit shines throughout." --Publishers Weekly on Pampered to Death

"If you love a good mystery, this book is for you." --New York Journal of Books on Death of a Trophy Wife

"This will turn out to be a long series. . .likely to be compared to Janet Evanovich for its humor." --I Love a Mystery on This Pen for Hire

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780758279729
Publisher: Kensington
Publication date: 08/07/2012
Series: Jaine Austen Series , #10
Sold by: Penguin Random House Publisher Services
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 129,169
File size: 366 KB

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Pampered to Death 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 13 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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MadameMishaped More than 1 year ago
I love Laura Levine's Books and this one was no exception! And I love that Prozac is back on the cover. If you get a chance you have to read her books they are laugh out loud funny and make you feel like your reading about your own family. Wondering what you would do with them if you were in her shoes.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Kept waiting for this book to get better.
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AmyELignor1 More than 1 year ago
Ms. Levine has done it again! Talk about hilarious. The readers are back with Jaine Austen - the wonderful writer who spends her time 'penning' brochures about septic systems and making brochures for plumbers. And we are all back with her adorably pompous cat named Prozac! Jaine has been gifted with a certificate for a free week at a posh spa in California (a gift form her next door neighbor whose butt she saved in the last novel. J) Of course, it's not until she arrives that Jaine realizes this is a diet spa, where she will be living on 300 calories a day, working out, and stuck most of the time in smelly seaweed wraps. Prozac is not happy either, seeing as that his real food has been taken away from him and he's looking at a kitty diet that may just cost the owner her lovely pond full of koi. Jaine is not only starving, but she has to deal with other guests who are driving her nuts. One is a woman named Cathy Kane, who has been saving up her whole life to come here. She works at the Piggly Wiggly back home, and practically jumps out of her chair when a famous tabloid star - Mallory Francis - walks through the door like a Queen. Surrounding this Playboy covergirl are her snooty stylist, who is an absolute leach because Mallory is giving him money to open his own salon; a young lady, Kendra, who is not only Mallory's personal assistant but also her bitter sister; and in walks Clint Matthews - a very A-list movie superstar who has a very 'ugly' secret that only Mallory knows about - and she will be writing her 'tell-all' book very soon. Suffice to say the fantastic humor evolves around these 'laugh-out-loud' characters. While Jaine tries to smuggle cat food and cookies into the spa in her camouflage pants, the rest seem to be having their own difficulties. Including Olga, the Nazi-esque owner of the spa who has a "connection" to Mallory that no one knows. Add in a maid who sells candy bars at $50 a pop to the starving guests to increase her income; two aerobics teachers who supposedly love each other, but one likes to cheat; and, a teenager named Kevin who is the chef at "Chez Starvation" who wants nothing more than to work at Applebee's one day - and you are falling off your chair! When Mallory is found dead on the massage table, Jaine finds herself embedded up to her seaweed-covered eyebrows in a crime scene! And, while all this is going on, Jaine Austen is also having to deal with emails from her mother and father regarding gnomes, and her father's antics as he runs for office at their retirement community. I have not laughed this hard in years!!! There is no author better at giving you humor wrapped in a completely unsolvable mystery! Bravo!!!
52chickadees More than 1 year ago
After Jaine Austen gets next door neighbor, Lance Venable off the hook for a murder rap, he surprises her with a gift of an all-expense paid week at "The Haven " Spa (which is supposed to be the "crème de la crème" of spas) for both Jaine and her spoiled feline companion, Prozac. Jaine had envisioned a luxurious week of pampering from head to toes, fantastic dining and a chance to completely relax and unwind. Imagine her surprise when the Spa and its "services" are not at all like she expected, especially the shock of a 900 calories a day diet! You will be introduced (as Jaine was) to a zany group of guests and staff; Olga Truitt; the hard-nosed owner/operator who wears many hats over her gray braid to try to make the spa run smoothly, chatty, Piggly-Wiggly bagger; Cathy Kane, aging starlet; Mallory Francis with her snarly Peke "Armani", Mallory's personal hair Stylist; Harvy, Mallory's personal assistant as well as dowdy sister; Kendra , A-List hunky movie star; Clint Masters plus "The Haven Staff" -Shawna and Sven; the aerobics Instructors and Delphine; the enterprising maid. As Jaine counts down the hours until she is free from this "Diet Hell" and its improvement programs, Mallory is discovered strangled to death by seaweed in her spa cubicle! Everyone casts suspicious looks at each other, Jaine included, who dons her part-time P.I. cap and searches for clues herself. Her private investigation is punctuated by hilarious emails from her Mom and Dad, detailing her Dad's "Save the Gnomes" Presidential Campaign. Who could have done this dastardly deed?? Clint? Whose career could be destroyed? Shawna? The misused and forgiving wife of Sven? Harvy? Whose dream of his own beauty salon might end up to be a pipe-dream? Kendra? Who is tired of living in her sister's and sometimes even Armani the dog's shadow? Or Olga, tired of the guest abuse she endures. Every time you think you have this solved, Ms. Levine throws a curve ball. Will Jaine find love in a very unexpected place? Will you ever look at a lawn gnome again without chuckling? You'll love following Jaine's escapades and I bet you hope (as I do), that there is another Jaine Austen adventure coming soon. This was a very easy, thoroughly enjoyable read. Nancy Narma
harstan More than 1 year ago
To thank his next door neighbor for proving he did not commit a murder (see Death of a Trophy Wife), Lance Venerable pays for copywriter Jaine Austen and her cat Prozac to stay at the luxurious The Haven spa north of Los Angeles. However, the description of fancy does not quire fit as it is much smaller than Jaine expected and the towels showcase a bit of wear. The worst is a 900 calories a day starvation diet rigidly adhered to by spa owner Nazi Olga though Jaine bribes Delphine the maid into bringing her a pastrami. The other guests include loquacious Cathy Kane who horded chump change for years to come here; spoiled B-level film star Mallory Francis who drives everyone including the storm-trooper and her staff crazy with her demands; and her unhappy retinue (Mallory's sister Kendra, her hairstylist Harvey, her former costar Clint, and her acrimonious Pekingese Armani) who want to return to civilization. Mango Mallory's perpetual orders end when someone strangles her with seaweed. However, the homicide police quarantines everyone at the Haven. Going broke at thirty bucks a sandwich and tired of the so-called pampering (not), Jaine who has solved cases (see Killing Bridezilla) investigates before she dies of malnutrition. The tenth Jaine Austen amateur sleuth is an engaging tongue in cheek (no food in the way) whodunit in which the clues to the homicide are spread like a buffer throughout the story line. The characters are entertainingly eccentric (that is to the armchair reader, but not to starving despondent Jaine). Although the inquisition lacks the subtly of previous cases with it's in your face technique, fans will enjoy Pampered to Death. Harriet Klausner
NWIStacey More than 1 year ago
Pampered to Death is the second novel I've read by Levine and I have to say, I love her style. The first person dialogue along with the emails that she receives from her parents crack me up! I'd love to see a novel of Janie going to FL to visit with her parents and see what would progress! Janie's friend gifts her a week stay at The Haven, a "swellegant spa for the rich and famous." However, poor Janie wasn't informed that it this is a spa to help the clients lose weight. After six plus hours of driving, she arrives starving, and she assumed it would serve excellent five course meals; instantly Janie is miserable at The Haven when she finds out what her friend has done, as is Prozac, her spastic cat. She realizes that the diet Nazi Olga is going to keep her on a strict 900 calories a day diet, as well as Prozac. Famous Mallory soon arrives and is a total witch to all around her. She feels that since she was, at one point, famous that all should stoop and kiss her feet, but Janie doesn't play Mallory's game. Mallory is soon killed off and the guests at The Haven are not permitted to leave until they find the killer. Therefore, Janie puts herself into the detective shoes and is on a mission to find out who killed Mallory in order to leave to woof down a couple pastrami sandwiches. Levine's use of first person is excellent; it pulls you into the story, making you feel as if you are right there, being told the story! She doesn't pull any stops when it comes to how plus size people feel, yet adds humor to the feelings! I have thoroughly enjoyed this novel and will recommend it to other friends!