Pregnancy Sucks for Men: What to do when your miracle makes you both miserable

Pregnancy Sucks for Men: What to do when your miracle makes you both miserable

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Overview

Pregnancy Sucks for Men: What to do when your miracle makes you both miserable by Joanne Kimes, Jeff Kimes

  • Sleep on the couch to make room for her gigantic pregnancy pillow
  • Pass up tickets to the game since you'd "rather" register for the baby shower
  • Haven't had sex since there was snow on the ground (and it's July)
It may not make you sound like future father of the year, but there's one thing men everywhere can agree on: Pregnancy Sucks—for you.

In this complete update of the bestselling first edition, Joanne and Jeff Kimes pair no-holds-barred humor with helpful advice to make sure you actually live to see the birth of your child.

So whether you're sick of putting your foot in your mouth when you're trying to compliment her, you want the real scoop on what's going to go down in the delivery room (without the hospital-issued video), or you really just want a laugh (since you "volunteered" to give up drinking for the interminable nine months of her pregnancy), this book will tell you exactly what to do when that miracle of yours is making you totally, completely, just-cut-the-freakin'-cord-already! miserable.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781440526787
Publisher: Adams Media
Publication date: 09/18/2011
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 1,254,323
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author


Joanne Kimes is the creator of the bestselling Sucks series. A former writer for a number of children's and comedy television shows, she has appeared on The Today Show and her books have been covered in countless media outlets. Joanne, her husband Jeff Kimes, and their daughter live in Los Angeles, California.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments Xiii

Introduction Joanne Kimes xv

Introduction Jeff Kimes xix

Prelude: The Art of Conception 1

Not Tonight Honey, Your Basal Thermometer is Giving Me a Headache 2

If I'm So Good in Bed, Why Is My Aim So Bad? 4

How to Make Love to a Cup 5

Whose Wife Is This Anyway? 7

Bulls-Eye! 9

Chapter I The First Month 13

What Goodies Await You This Month 14

The Easiest Month 14

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 15

Toodle-oo, Ta-Tas 17

What to Expect at the OB's Office 18

Sex in the First Trimester 20

My Wife as a Dog 22

How to Live with a Woman with Mood Swings 23

Your Pregnancy Survival Kit 26

Your "Yes-Yes" List 28

Let the Bodily Functions Begin 29

They Grow Up So Fast ... Especially in Utero 31

Chapter 2 The Second Month 33

What Goodies Await You This Month 34

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 35

How to Live with a Woman with Morning Sickness 38

Crib Notes 40

Now You'te Cookin'! 44

How to Be a Domestic God 51

The "I'm So Hungry I Could Eat Your Face" Syndrome 55

They Grow Up So Fast . . . Especially in Utero 56

Chapter 3 The Third Month 59

What Goodies Await You This Month 60

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 61

Sympathy Pains 62

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid 64

Headache, Anyone? 67

Un-Beauty Marks 69

How to Sleep with a Jackhammer 71

Your Wife Is One Big Baby 73

Job Insecurity 75

Practice, Practice, Practice 77

They Grow Up So Fast ... Especially in Utero 79

Chapter 4 The Fourth Month 81

What Goodies Await You This Month 82

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 82

Sex in the Second Trimester 83

Two Magic Words 85

Pregnancy Tests for You 86

Why It's Good to Be Girly (for a While) 87

How to Travel with a Pregnant Woman 89

How to Exercise for Two 92

How Your Wife Needs You to Behave 93

The Difference Between Boys and Girls 95

They Grow Up So Fast ... Especially in Utero 98

Chapter 5 The Fifth Month 99

What Goodies Await You This Month 100

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 100

My Wife Just Doesn't Understand Me 102

Finding Out the Baby's Gender 103

How to Play the Pregnancy Game 105

What to Expect When She's Expanding 108

The Name Game 110

Heads, She Wins; Tails, You Lose 113

How to Make a Will 114

They Grow Up So Fast ... Especially in Utero 116

Chapter 6 The Sixth Month 119

What Goodies Await You This Month 120

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 121

The Secret to Making Your Wife Happy 123

What You Need to Know about Life Insurance 124

How Much Does It Cost to Raise a Baby? 126

Multiple Births 130

Twelve Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman 131

Oh, Her Achin' Back 132

Playing the Pregnancy Card 134

Let Me Resent My Wife 136

They Grow Up So Fast ... Especially in Utero 138

Chapter 7 The Seventh Month 139

What Goodies Await You This Month 140

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 140

How to Make Bed Rest More Tolerable 142

Sex in the Third Trimester 144

Ways You Can Help Your Klutzy Wife 145

Paternity Leave 147

The Best Gifts to Buy Your Achy Breaky Wife 150

Babies "R" Expensive 152

Get a Plan in Writing 154

They Grow Up So Fast Especially in Utero 157

Chapter 8 The Eighth Month 159

What Goodies Await You This Month 160

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 160

How to Handle the Other Kids in Your House 161

Bondage 164

Goodbye, Peter Pan 166

How to Help Your Wife Sleep So You Can Too 167

If Men Had Babies 168

Things to Do While You Still Can 169

Brainless 171

Birthing 101 172

They Grow Up So Fast Especially in Utero 174

Chapter 9 The Ninth Month 177

What Goodies Await You This Month 178

The Push Gift 179

How to Pamper Your Preggo 182

The Baby Shower 184

Handy Man 185

Guess Who's Coming to the Delivery Room? 187

Must-Have Things for the Delivery Room 188

How to Stimulate Labor 190

The Light at the End of the Birth Canal 192

They Grow Up So Fast ... Especially in Utero 193

Chapter 10 Thar She Blows! 195

Stage Fright 196

How to Be a Good Coach 198

Your Labor Pains 200

The Bitch Is Back 201

Birth Day Surprises 202

Post-Delivery Stress Disorder 204

A Face That Even a Father Could Love 205

Chapter 11 Home Sweet Hell 207

What Goodies Await You after the Baby Comes Home 208

Her Symptoms and What You Can Do about Them 208

Let's Get Ready to Rumble! 210

Postpartum Sex 213

The Shape of Things to Come 216

Postpartum Depression 218

Tips on Travel 220

Are You Stay-at-Home-Dad Material? 223

The Games People Play 225

How to Save for College 226

They Grow Up So Fast ... from Now On 228

Appendix

Resources List 231

Index 243

Customer Reviews

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Pregnancy Sucks for Men: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You BOTH Miserable 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 14 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is so bloody funny. My wife bought it for me on the recommendation of her OB. I can say as a guy that it was awesome. The only bad thing was waiting for her to catch up week after week so I could go on to the next week. (sorry couldn't resist) It helped me understand what she was going through without all of the girlie stuff. Also it helped me avoid the traps guys tend to fall into. If you are a guy or need an AWESOME book for your husband, stop and buy this. You won't regret it. btw my favorite chapter was "my wife as a dog" HAHAH still makes me laugh.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I bought this book to help my husband cope with and better understand my pregnancy. I have NEVER in my life laughed so hard at anything. I read the whole book in two days and admit to having laughed so hard at one point I threw up and at one other point, I peed on myself. I'm only writing this review because I logged on to order the first edition - pregnancy sucks. From now on, any friend of mine who gets pregnant will get this book as a Congratulatory gift.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has helped me understand why my wife is the way she is durring her pregnancy and has made my life, easier since I can dodge the bullet as it is comming. I recommend this book to ALL men who are becomming fathers, those wanting to be fathers, and even those who are father, by far the funniest, down to earth book there is.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I laughed so hard I almost peed. I actually got this for my husband while trying to conceive and couldn't wait to give it to him. He says he feels like he finally has a 'friend' in all of this.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is laugh out loud funny! I started reading it before my husband , even though I bought it for him...and almost wet my pants before I finished the first chapter. The truth is funnier than fiction, and it's all laid out in this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
We may be big and fat but you know how it happens you men dont think
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
So wird
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hahaha to pregnet people cause your fat i hate this book