Professor Schmoot Has Lost His Keys Again

by Christopher Morse

Overview

In a laugh out loud series of misfortunes, Professor Schmoot struggles to find his way as a New Testament professor in a seminary seeking to promote itself as "spiritual but not religious." Unforgettable characters interact in a sequence of episodes in which postmodern aspirations are confounded by financial and academic deficits.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781498242141
Publisher:	Resource Publications
Publication date:	09/19/2017
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	164
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Christopher Morse is a seminary professor and theologian whose previous writings include Not Every Spirit: A Dogmatics of Christian Disbelief (2009), and The Difference Heaven Makes: Rehearing the Gospel As News (2010). This is his first published fiction.

Table of Contents

Cast of Characters xi

Episode 1 Mildred Castleton's Periodic Visit 1

Episode 2 Cornerstone Laying for the New Chapel 6

Episode 3 Flight to Support Native American Land Rights 9

Episode 4 Mix-up on Plaque to Honor Mildred Castleton 12

Episode 5 Isadora Broadside's Peace Seekers and the Militarized Buddha 15

Episode 6 Wisteria Deans Interim Management of Star-Cross 19

Episode 7 Star-Cross Redefines its Curriculum: Titteley Twins' Joint Appointment 24

Episode 8 Star-Cross Seeks to Improve Town-Gown Relations 28

Episode 9 Longshot's Quick Fix Plan to Give Free AAR Memberships to the Faculty 32

Episode 10 Star-Cross Struggles to Define its Mission: Angelica Visits Mildred 36

Episode 11 Outside Consultant Speaks to Faculty on Academic Assessment 41

Episode 12 Longshot Proposes Distinguished Spirits Professorships 45

Episode 13 Tucker's Advice Sought by Junior Colleague 48

Episode 14 Longshot's Deceptive Faculty Christmas Party 51

Episode 15 Batson Expresses a Vocational Interest in Mission Work 54

Episode 16 Faculty Settles on Pan-Pneumatic to Characterize its Non-exclusivist Identity 57

Episode 17 Librarian Raises Suspicions of Faculty-Student Misconduct 60

Episode 18 Batson Shares Self Doubts with Tucker over his Advisement of Angelica 63

Episode 19 Seminary's Non-Discrimination Ethos Leads to Local Gay Rights Conflict 68

Episode 20 Longshot Sends Tucker and Batson to Reassure Mildred Castleton 72

Episode 21 Elements of Missing Reliquary Remains Discovered in Sacred Garden 76

Episode 22 The Reconsecration of the Chapel to Commemorate Major Castleton 82

Episode 23 Longshot Senses Threat to His Authority in the Reconsecration Service 87

Episode 24 Requested Help from Trustees Puts Castleton Chauffeur in Jeopardy 91

Episode 25 Longshot Seeks Quick Funds by Arranging an Unlikely Prayer Breakfast 96

Episode 26 Batson Is Recruited to Make Star-Cross Appear Evangelical 100

Episode 27 The Prayer Breakfast Is Held 103

Episode 28 The Donations Arrive 108

Episode 29 Batson and Angelica Go Sleuthing in Atlanta 112

Episode 30 A New School Year Brings New Vocational Certifications 117

Episode 31 Professor Schmoot's Resolve to Refocus Priorities 122

Episode 32 "The Subject for Another Day" 128

Episode 33 An Encounter in the Sacred Garden 133

Episode 34 The Dear Lady Decides 136

Episode 35 Broadside's Bombshell 140

Episode 36 A Graduation Announcement 146

Episode 37 On The Road to Emmaus 152

Acknowledgments 155

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“Students and friends of Christopher Morse—often the same people!—have long known that his theological erudition is equally matched by a brilliant comic wit. In this charming academic novella, Morse cleverly satirizes the world of seminary education, offering the reader a delightful plot filled with characters lost in the cynical power of sin and buoyed by the transforming power of grace. A book like this that evokes both laughter at the vanity of human failure and hope for the constancy of human faithfulness is a tonic for the soul!”

—John E. Thiel, Professor at Fairfield University



“Reminiscent of David Lodge's satirical takes on British academic life, Christopher Morse drills relentlessly into the troubled industry of American theological education. Those who passed through this system in the ’70s and ’80s will readily recognize the cast of characters at Star-Cross Seminary, not least ourselves, as we fumble and bumble on the road to Emmaus.”

—James F. Kay, Princeton Theological Seminary



“In this work of fiction, Christopher Morse accomplishes a seemingly impossible task: combining theology with humor. Most readers will occasionally find themselves the target of his satire, but his humor never resorts to cynicism, and he is never mean-spirited toward his characters. As profound as it is humorous, this book will appeal to anyone interested in the state of the church, theological education, and cultural attitudes toward religion.”

—Nancy Duff, Associate Professor at Princeton Theological Seminary



“Crossed wires and cross purposes ensure that life at Star-Cross Seminary is never dull as the traditional school of theology transforms itself into a Pan-Pneumatic Spirituality Center. With deft send-ups of double-speak and institutional incoherence, Christopher Morse exposes the perils of such a star-crossed venture.”

—Thomas Miller, Episcopal Priest and Writer on Religion and the Arts



“Morse’s hilarious new work takes us into the inner workings of struggling Star-Cross Theological Seminary, a once staid but now reinvented postmodern institution, where faculty, administrators, trustees, and students attempt to further ‘the Lord’s work’ while disagreeing every step of the way as to what this entails. Some potential readers may think the setting too parochial to be of interest, but don't make this mistake. This finely crafted work casts a brilliant and humorous light on modern society and how our institutions, political, religious, and otherwise, contort themselves to a place where meaning and facts no longer have definitional authority.”

—Craig Berggren, Author of a study of The Ethics of Motivational Programs Within Today’s Global Corporations

Editorial Reviews

Students and friends of Christopher Morse—often the same people!—have long known that his theological erudition is equally matched by a brilliant comic wit. In this charming academic novella, Morse cleverly satirizes the world of seminary education, offering the reader a delightful plot filled with characters lost in the cynical power of sin and buoyed by the transforming power of grace. A book like this that evokes both laughter at the vanity of human failure and hope for the constancy of human faithfulness is a tonic for the soul!”

—John E. Thiel, Professor at Fairfield University



“Reminiscent of David Lodge's satirical takes on British academic life, Christopher Morse drills relentlessly into the troubled industry of American theological education. Those who passed through this system in the ’70s and ’80s will readily recognize the cast of characters at Star-Cross Seminary, not least ourselves, as we fumble and bumble on the road to Emmaus.”

—James F. Kay, Princeton Theological Seminary



“In this work of fiction, Christopher Morse accomplishes a seemingly impossible task: combining theology with humor. Most readers will occasionally find themselves the target of his satire, but his humor never resorts to cynicism, and he is never mean-spirited toward his characters. As profound as it is humorous, this book will appeal to anyone interested in the state of the church, theological education, and cultural attitudes toward religion.”

—Nancy Duff, Associate Professor at Princeton Theological Seminary



“Crossed wires and cross purposes ensure that life at Star-Cross Seminary is never dull as the traditional school of theology transforms itself into a Pan-Pneumatic Spirituality Center. With deft send-ups of double-speak and institutional incoherence, Christopher Morse exposes the perils of such a star-crossed venture.”

—Thomas Miller, Episcopal Priest and Writer on Religion and the Arts



“Morse’s hilarious new work takes us into the inner workings of struggling Star-Cross Theological Seminary, a once staid but now reinvented postmodern institution, where faculty, administrators, trustees, and students attempt to further ‘the Lord’s work’ while disagreeing every step of the way as to what this entails. Some potential readers may think the setting too parochial to be of interest, but don't make this mistake. This finely crafted work casts a brilliant and humorous light on modern society and how our institutions, political, religious, and otherwise, contort themselves to a place where meaning and facts no longer have definitional authority.”

—Craig Berggren, Author of a study of The Ethics of Motivational Programs Within Today’s Global Corporations

From the Publisher