God is an all-loving all-forgiving God, and he is a gentleman. He will never force himself in your life, but his deepest desire is for us to have freedom in his son, Jesus Christ. To break down addictions, strongholds that need to be weeded out. To live freely in the destiny he had planned for your life.
Heaven is rejoicing over one sinner who repents and picks up their cross to follow him.
Its never too late. Dont focus on the amount of times you fall. Rejoice in all the times he picks you back up and cleans you up. Keep fighting your fight, and keep running your race with God. And be still and watch him do the miracles you so desperately need!
Luke 15 says, Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear him. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.
Then Jesus told them this parable Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety -nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says Rejoice with me, I have found my lost sheep I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
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I will never forget that last twenty-four hours when my life would change forever ...
Being a single mom of two teenagers one fifteen-year-old daughter, and a sixteen-year-old son was proving to be more difficult every day the struggle was real.
What brought me to prostitution and walking out of God's will for my life? I was already working two jobs and on my own and not having the faith in what God could do. I was doing everything on my strength.
All the bills were two months behind just enough food but barely, I would skip meals to feed my kids and now that was pushing my back against a wall.
I picked up my daughter from school after work to go get groceries for supper I only had exactly $10.00 to my name, so got our food and went to pay that will be $11.40. I feel the hot flush rush to my face of fear and shame. I tell my daughter to wait there and the clerk I have change in my truck, that embarrassment was overwhelming.
To see my daughters, look of shame, it took me 10 minutes to find change in my truck literally down to the last penny.
I apologized to her and promised her things are going to get better.
Well two days later I go to work and I get pulled over, I thought I had till the end of the month to pay my insurance but nope so my truck gets impounded and I am at a complete low in my life, I need to drive my kids to school and I need to drive to work!
I had a non-Christian friend who came over for a coffee and to try and be of some encouragement she knew how desperate I was, as I was sitting there pouring my heart out to her she told me I was charming and beautiful and that men would pay to spend time with me.
She went into great detail how to do it, she had a friend who did it before.
My first thought was how can I do this???
I am a Christian it goes against everything I believed!
So, I made a deal with God, I begged and pleaded for this cup to be taken from me! I would wait for twenty-four hrs for a miracle to happen, I've heard of miracles happening all the time in my church. This was my ultimate mistake I was putting God on a timetable, being prideful not listening to reason but acting on my own desperation, not on the truth of his promises.
Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself "the Lord is my portion", therefore, I will wait for Him!
Let us hold on unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. I waited until the last minute and my miracle did not happen so I gave up on God. I took it upon myself to make my miracle happen, I was blinded by sin and pride. So, I posted an ad on Craigslist offering my services I would meet them in a parking lot, and we would go get business done, then he drops me off and pays me.
The number of emails was insane so I made my first appointment for that evening I still remember it was a cold November night my hands were shaking so bad I could barely drive out of fear.
I pull up and wait still believing that miracle might still happen, my phone goes off it's the man I am supposed to meet! Time has run out I start to cry but I stop myself I cannot fall apart; my family needs this money I can feel my heart harden towards God I knew I was stepping out of his blessing but desperation and fear consumed me.
I step out into the cold wind and it numbs me I get into his vehicle and we go and get business done. The shame and disgust I feel of myself I numb out, I numb God out.
Twenty-four more men I need to service to get my truck back the next couple days are a blur of work, kids and now this evening gig.
I would break down and cry after each man I felt shame, guilt, regret, the dirtiest feeling I couldn't wash off the men even after they left, it lingered on me regret was always present. But after a few times whenever I wanted to break down I would stop myself look at myself in the mirror and say don't you dare cry you are strong enough to do this.
It took me four days to make the fifteen hundred dollars I needed to get my truck back and pay for my license
One of my family members found out what I was doing and sent my ad on Facebook to my 'friends' list the next day and lost everyone in my life except my kids and one friend.
Five years later I have given up all my so-called friends, I am left with my kids my church and my mentor and my prayer warrior friend. As lonely as it is at times I have chosen to give up everything in this life to follow Christ I hustle for the gospel now.
Giving up my old lifestyle was the hardest on weekends, that's when my flesh would entice me craving all the drugs, sex, booze and attention from men. All the dancing and thrills I was missing out on. But then I would remind myself of the hangovers with the booze. The days of not sleeping from the cocaine and the dirtiest feeling I carried after random sex.
The disconnection I felt with God, not wanting to face the fact I was totally out of control when I was under the influence of all these things. When I allowed myself to be smothered in all the sin and the folly of the world, I myself snuffed out God.
I could feel my rebellious spirit come out. And I would put God on pause while I went and had my fun. After sobering up and coming down off the high from drugs I would feel defeated the enemy would come in like a lion sneering wasn't it fun last night, you were able to let loose and those people are the ones that are there for you. Look at all the attention they give you.
Now I was the type of woman who was the life of the party to the extreme, if there was a party happening and it was not raging I would get a call Amelia get down here this party needs life brought into it. I would run there with a bottle of tequila in one hand, a bag of cocaine in the other. I was the type that would dance on top of the tables telling everyone around me, live in the moment you only live once! And I had the ability to turn these people around they would all hop on my party bus. I always knew I was charismatic, but I was using it for the wrong thing, I used it to bring death in people, not life.
I have had to replace all those things, and the more I did and chastised my own will in my life, the more God rewarded me the biggest blessing is the peace that filled me, the purpose I have now in my life. A feeling that I finally belong. And people in my life seeing the changes in me. My daughter was the first one to mention it. Ma you have changed so much in this past year, I beam widely thanks to Jesus my girl!!!
Then after a few months, Holy Spirit started showing me where I was being victorious, and it would usually come at a point where I was being deceived I was getting lost in my old habits again, getting tired starting to let pity slip in my mind.
The attacks from the enemy kept coming viciously and relentlessly, where it brought me to my knees, and with each hard blow God would gently guide me, calming me pulling me into his presence, then one day after having rough couple days and my rebellious spirit coming out I was in the battle over my mind. The enemy began by trying to tell me my book was a joke, no one wants to hear anything from a hooker. Ouch, and his attack on me was relentless.
I actually felt myself slipping into a place I went when I had to numb myself to get through the times I had to be with these men. I was giving all my power over to the enemy and he was gaining territory over me. The enemy Satan saw how he was affecting me I curled up in a fetus position and listened to all he had to say about me. I didn't know how to fight back, it got to the point that I was about to go to my computer which had all the work I did on it for this book and throw it off my eleventh-floor balcony. He went on saying how I was a terrible mother, and I had no worth I was a used up addict no man will ever want me after they find out what I did, He whispered look at yourself no friends no one you are all alone. Where is your God? he sneered I was down for the count. I felt like a boxer who had just got the final blow the knockout. I was going to stay down for the count.
Then when I was about to let his evil lies consume me, I was starting to say to myself well it's not too late you can go back to that life. As soon as I see myself lying in that bed again with all those men, the Holy Spirit started guiding me back into his light and love and mercy. Just be still and know I am God, I obeyed I thought about what it would cost me if I did go back. Then Jesus started to show me how far I've come how many victories I have had, how many things I was continuing to conquer.
And remind me when I get lost to come into His presence I have tried everything else in this world Jesus is what works for me. And as long as I pursue His righteousness and His glory no matter where I am no matter what mindset. Once I calm all that is around me and open up my Spirit to Holy Spirit He replaces all the lies with His truth. All the anger and doubt with love and mercy. He knows what we go through He feels all the pain we have and he is the almighty healer.
The Lord will deliver them to you, and you must do to them all that I have commanded of you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, he will never leave or forsake you.
I want Jesus I want to be obedient and follow Him. Obedience is something I have always battled against but he is real and he is so worth the cost of that old life, I am not alone ever he is my shepherd and protector.CHAPTER 2
Picking Up Your Cross
Large crowds were travelling with Jesus, and turning to them said, if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father or mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters and yes even his own life, he cannot become my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. Come follow me Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men. At once they left their nets and followed Him.
Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John.
They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Him.
Are you willing to follow Him?
When we come to the realization that when we choose to pick up our cross and follow Him. The old us dies, we choose to stay on the path to our God-given destiny, that God has given us our own free will. Not everyone that has been on our life journey will continue, and I have mourned some of the people I had to leave behind. After inviting them to church trying to bring them to Jesus but choose to stay in the world.
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust off your feet as you leave.
Slowly God brought to the realization what it meant to be unequally yoked the struggle to stay in God's will for your life will be much harder. And your fight will be even harder because your faith will be tested and judged even more.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
BOOM revelation!!! That is exactly what it was like being in relationships with men that did not believe. It was like having a candle lit and the other person dislikes the smell of it and keeps blowing it out. I had to snuff out my light to stay in the darkness to be in union with them. Holy Spirit Seeks union in Him at all times. Where there is no peace there is no unity.
Or being in friendships where you are not in a union and that doesn't encourage you or help get you to your next level with the Holy Spirit. And Jesus knows how hard and painful the process can be with having to weed out the toxic ones in your life, and like me, you might be left with only one or two good after God's own heart kind of people. I just want to encourage you that you are not alone. Ask Him to reveal to you the people you need to remove from your life and the courage and his strength to do it.
Colossians 2:2 5
I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not seen me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent with you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity. It's like precious oil being poured on the head.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity, among your selves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
As a prisoner of the Lord, then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. There is only one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God, and Father of all, who is over all through all and in all.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
God would speak to my heart I would try and share with my partner I had at that time, but it was like speaking a different language to him, and he would even say that to me. He would say it's like I speak Spanish and he speaks Japanese. Then I would have to keep all the blessings God was bestowing on me because he wouldn't celebrate them with me, almost like he was jealous of the favour I received. So, I started toning down my walk with God in front of him.
I know God is with us in all things in all situations when we choose to still seek him, he may not agree with it. But he will honour his promises to us to never leave us or forsake us.
God wants us in unity with Him and our relationships, but back then I was unconscionable I started isolating myself from the shame of what I did. I stuck with people who accepted what I did. I didn't want to have to answer any questions new people might ask like what you do for a living etc., etc. was easier just staying alone or with likeminded people that were as lost as I was.
Making a destructive choice and listening to the lies of the enemy is why I became a high-end escort, I became a Gomer. Catering to the prestige's men of my city. See they seen the Charm in me were drawn to my attention I poured on them. Manipulating them with my words and my body. They were bored in their marriage or alone and I was the one they would come too. I would need their money and devotion.
Becoming addictive to the attention they gave me, their gifts, compliments, favours and money and time. Again, I was putting my worth on men, but I still hand one hand on Jesus.
The story of Hosea and Gomer Loving pursuit of the unfaithful
Hosea delivers this message of warning to the northern Kingdom of Israel just a few short years before they are sent into exile. Israel has made unwise alliances with Assyria and Egypt (Hos 7:11) and adopted their idolatrous practices. The events of Hosea's personal life parallel the sins of the people and God's unconditional love for them, as well as reminding the people of God's unconditional love for them, as well as reminding the people of God's promised judgement for disobedience.
Hosea's story is a painful tale of love and unfaithfulness. At God's command, Hosea takes Gomer as his wife. She is unfaithful to him, paralleling Israel's unfaithfulness to God.
The children born of their union are given names dictated by God.(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Rebellious Daughter"
Copyright © 2018 Amelia Rose.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
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